Innocence lost
by zeroliken
Summary: A tragic event has befallen upon Tsurumi Rumi. Can Hikigaya Hachiman and Yukinoshita Yukino help recover the little angel that broke its mind and wings.
1. Chapter 1: Shattered Child

The night was young. The last rays of sunshine has faded a while ago. The summer breeze gently flows through my hair as I pedal across the street.

I, Hikigaya Hachiman, is on my way home after a long day. The number of times I needed to talk to people had exceeded my daily quota. My legs ache as I've been pedaling all day. I got lost more than once which in turn added more wasted time outside on this heat. And of course the sun in cue wanted to shine brighter today more than ever to scorch my skin, make me sweat rivers, and parch my throat. Summer should be spent inside houses lounging on the couch all day away from the heat and labor instead of what I'm experiencing right now.

I tried to recall on why did I agree upon this cruel task. Earlier today my sister informed me that some of the light novels we've wanted to read are on sale today but we both didn't want to sacrifice the comfort of our cool, less humid home to embark upon this perilous journey to a far away place. So with an honorable game of luck namely rock, paper and, scissors we decided which one of us would be the unfortunate soul to carry this task. I shouldn't have accepted the bet in the first place. Luck have never favored me before so logically the outcome would have been obvious . If not for the sake of my dear Komachi who's relying on her responsible brother then I wouldn't have accepted this torture.

* * *

As I take a turn I noticed an ominous black smoke bellowing towards the sky blotting out the stars behind it. The source seems to be within my route as it grows larger as I move forward. With every pedal I approach its source. I noticed a luminescent glow of red as I come near it. After a while I was now in front of the source. My pedaling slowed down and came to a halt.

Fire. Flame escaping the windows. Ember scattering across the breeze along with a monstrous smoke blocking the scenery behind the house. Sirens blasting from the fire trucks. News reporters on the distance with cameras pointed towards the building. Firefighters with hoses on their hands and some with axes trying to enter the establishment.

It took a minute to process everything and take in the spectacle I'm seeing.

By the looks of the building I didn't arrive while the strength of the fire was at its peak. With the continuous torrent of water the fire seems to have died down a bit. Firefighters have now almost entered the building.

With the fire coming to an end, bystanders one after another have started to crowd the place like buzzards drawn to a rotting meal. Whispers of the event that's transpiring echoed through monotonic voices.

"Scary. It might spread throughout the neighborhood"

"It was raging on for a long while wasn't it?"

"It's my first time seeing fire so huge"

I despised it. These people are of no help to the situation. Why do bystanders need to stay and gawk at scenes not concerning them. Do they believe that what they're doing is an act to show empathy. No. They are just scouring information for gossip on what to discuss tomorrow with their coworkers, schoolmates, friends and family. The tragic events that have unfolded will be nothing more than small talk for a few minutes to pass time as a next topic to talk about. Will they talk to the people involved if they will be alright. Will they try to give solace to the family that have been felled upon by such misfortune. No they won't.

I needed to get away from this scene. I am not involved in this incident in any way nor am I obliged to stay to give a token of pity.

As i prep up my bike I glanced one last time to look at the scenery unfolding. The firefighters are now entering the house. Whispers turned to noise as tensions rises. With eyes glued to the events unfolding in front of them to satisfy their curiosity.

I looked away. I close my eyes and held my head down. I say a small prayer for the people involved. It's unfortunate but it's come to pass. May they find the strength to stand up again and recover financially. I get ready to pedal away. With news covering this my family might be watching this at home. My sister might inquire me the moment I enter the scene like _Oniichan oniichan Did you see the house fire on your way home? etcetera etcetera_

"Hey do you know who lived here?"

"I hope there wasn't anyone inside"

"Was there any lights on indicating someone was inside moments ago?"

"Kyaa this is so intense Kyo-kun"

"Stand back everyone. The smoke is still thick"

"If I recall correctly. The household belongs to the Tsurumi family"

Eh.

...

Did I heard that right? It's a name I'm familiar with. No it can't be... can it?

"Yes. it's a family of three I believe A father, mother and a daughter attending middle school at..."

"Really. It's sad I hope they w..."

I looked at the woman talking, grabbed her attention and finally let my voice out "Hey... please... tell me the names of the residents living here."

"Eh... well they're a family of three; the father Tsurumi Ruko, the mother Tsurumi Misaki and their daughter Tsurumi Rumi"

"Were they inside when the fire started?", I asked frantic hoping she'll answer with the ones I want to hear

"I...I don't know"

The world around me darkened... I can no longer hear the gossip permeating around me. Shaken, I left my bike and began to walk mindlessly towards the fuming building like a moth attracted to fire shoving away the people in front of me. I held deep breaths. Now is not the time to panic... there's the chance that they might have been not present in the house when the fire started.

"Move away Move away", shouted the Fireman emerging from the building with a stretcher surrounded by several men strolled outside.

Before my mind could analyze the situation my scent picked up a dreadful odor. I could only describe the scent similar to a cooking gone wrong but with a horrible, disgusting twist. Burnt flesh. It was coming from the stretcher they brought with them.

My stomach churned. My face flushed. My teeth grinded, My stand weakened, My heart tightened. My head felt assaulted by uncomfortable dizziness.

One of the worst pain you can ever feel can be caused by fire. I can imagine it like needles piercing every nerve on your flesh leaving you in excruciating pain and after you endure this you'll be left numb devoid from the sense of touch turning you into charred remains were the only sensation you'll wish for will be an embrace by death. Dying by fire is literally hell.

"Another Body found"

"Quickly get him medical attention immediately"

"We have another one here"

Another stretcher was rushed toward the house.

Her face flashed across my mind. Memories we've spent together stack upon one another. The bullied child I met at summer camp. Someone I can relate to. Someone who experienced the same pain I felt. The confident girl singing songs of joy at the christmas event. Someone who overcame her weakness. Her innocent smile... gone...burnt

No, I can't keep calm anymore. I can't remain uninvolved, not when someone I know, I care for could be in harm or worse. I ran and jumped above the no crossing line. I tried to get near the house but was stopped by the firefighters around.

I caught a glimpse of what's inside through the windows. A torrent of melted appliances and charred materials are scattered all around. I tried to look for a place still accessible yet there doesn't seem to be a place untouched by the flame. No safe cover. No signs of life.

Unable to control my emotions I shouted in anguish.

"Tsurumi-chan Tsurumi-chan"

Before I could shout again I was grabbed by a fireman trying to pull me back to safety. Tsk. No, not yet. I'm becoming impulsive. I've lost my usual calm demeanor. But I didn't care, every second could mean life or death. She may still be inside crying for help, hurt and helpless.

I struggled against his hold and was able to free myself. I decided to circle around the house to deduce possible rooms where the firefighters may not have entered yet.

I saw a broken window where I could fit in. But before I tried to enter I noticed the pile of scraps scattered from its direction. Strange, the other windows despite being open or broken doesn't have the same amount of scraps congested around them. I looked closely where the scraps lie and I noticed a pattern easily missed if you don't focus on it, _footprints_ , small ones too. Further investigation shows that their direction is pointed away from the house.

I felt a little relief and hope at what I saw. But not enough to remove my anxiety, there are still uncertainties. Now is not the time to be relaxed. I cannot rest until I see her safe and sound.

* * *

I followed the direction lead by the footprint away from the house, away from the horrid scene. Now focusing on a discovery that I hope will lead me to the person I wanted to find. Examining the trail I noticed that there are a few peculiarities with the footprints. Their form differs from every step, shaped by traces of grime. Along the path there are bits of debris of a common material I'm not sure what exactly it is but it's probably from the house caught with fire. There are droplets of liquid, most probably water, along with the footprints. I'm glad I noticed the traces, within a few hours this would have been gone, with the debris blown by the wind and the moisture evaporated.

I followed the trail to a distance away from the wreck hoping it will lead me to her but soon my source of hope began to dwindle. I tried to carefully examine every detail to navigate effectively but it kept becoming harder and harder. The farther I follow the trail the less visible it became. Gaps between the debris began to appear farther away from each other. I kept moving until the trace finally disappeared. I ended up near a bridge. I looked around but both the trail and the girl I'm looking for are nowhere to be found. Fear once again crept through my mind.

"Tsurumi-chan Tsurumi-chan", I kept shouting her name like a broken record

"Are you here...please... answer me...", my voice sounding like a prayer begging for mercy

"...where are you" , my breath giving up, my strong shouts turn to sad whispers

I took deep breaths tired from all the shouting. I felt light-headed after all the shouting. My eyes started to strain and the dizziness I felt earlier returned full force. But what hurts the most was the pain in my chest. My heart aching in despair as I didn't find tsurumi-chan after all this time. Maybe I should retrace my steps back, I might have missed something or I might have took the wrong turn or maybe the path might have been or... or maybe... maybe I was just wrong this whole time. Maybe this trail I kept following is not even a trail leading to her, only something I wanted it to be. She may not even have escaped the house in the first place. My head kept filling with unbearable thoughts. No matter what I try negative thoughts of her fate kept plaguing across my mind.

I dropped to my knees in defeat. I succumb to exhaustion. As I rest there my senses began to heighten making me aware of my surroundings. The moonlight illuminating my surroundings, the night breeze flowing through my sweat and hair, the water calmly flowing under the bridge, and the tears flowing through my cheeks before hitting the pavement.

...

I began to hear a strange noise. I close my eyes and strained my ears to focus my attention.

"..."

It sounded like laboured breathing. But where is it coming from?

" _hah... ha"_

Under the bridge! I got up and started a sprint towards the end of the bridge. I walked down the stair that will lead me to its foot and approached the source of the noise. I tried to look around but couldn't see anything. The moonlight was not enough to penetrate the dark so it took a while before my eyes could adjust. That's when I saw her.

What took the small space at the far corner could be mistaken for a rag if you judge it from a distance but as I get close I noticed that it's moving and it seems to be sitting curled in a fetal position . I quickly moved towards the curled being to confirm what I'm seeing. But soon my pace began to slow down as I move nearer more dreadful details began to surface. The movement I noticed earlier is laboured breathing akin to something exhausted or in pain. What's covering her are clothes that had cuts everywhere and its edges burned. Images of the scene I saw earlier ran through my mind again. I feared for the worst. What snapped me from my momentary dread was when I saw her familiar face.

"Tsurumi-chan!"

It was none other than Tsurumi Rumi. I touched her shoulders. She opened her eyes in notice of my presence. I began to quickly examine her body to judge her state. I noticed several bruises from her body scattered most at her hands, feet, knees and elbow. But luckily there doesn't seem to be heavy burn marks, nothing as bad as the ones I saw earlier

"Tsurumi-chan, Tsurumi-chan, Does your body still hurt?, Can you move?, " I avoided that instinctive question about asking her if she's ok because from the looks of it

she most definitely is not.

I awaited her reply but she doesn't seem to respond. My questions are only met with stares from eyes devoid of life.

"Can you understand me? Answer me Tsurumi-chan... it's me Hachiman"

 _"..ha...ha...hachi..."_

I felt relief after she responded. I stopped bombarding her with more questions. She was most likely shocked from what happened and her state right now proves this.

"Don't worry Tsurumi-chan I'll be calling an ambulance they'll be here right away."

Before dialing I began to look around to gather information on our exact location. After thinking about a coherent address I began to dial the emergency hotline number. Or at least I would have if it weren't for the unexpected pain suddenly coursing through my right hand.

"OUCH…. ow ow ow... stop it.. let go"

She bit me. There have been a lot of surprises tonight and this is one of the the most surprising one to happen. After a mini tug of war she let go and began to crawl away from me.

 _"No... no... no..no.. no. no"_

She wailed as she frantically tried to move away from me. Her sudden change took me by surprise. A minute ago she could barely move, but like electricity suddenly charging her, she kept squirming desperately trying to get away. I grabbed her and held her down to calm her.

"Listen, Listen to me. It's alright. I'm only calling an ambulance to get you healed."

It didn't matter how hard I tried to reason to her as it was all for naught. It's as if my voice is falling on deaf ears as she kept shaking and crying her lungs out.

Her sudden outburst is taking a toll on her body. Her wounds have now started to bleed again. This is bad, I need to do something to calm her down. Mentioning about contacting an ambulance seems to dismay her. There doesn't seem to be a place near here where we could get immediate help and my house too far away from. Well, now that I think about it, judging by this location there is someone I know who lives not too far from here. Though I rather not let her shoulder this burden with me but I'm running out of options.

I held her tight and tried to get her attention focused at me.

"Rumi... you don't need to be scared anymore. I'm here and I won't leave you alone. We're going somewhere safe. A home where you can rest. It's a place owned by someone you know, someone you can trust", I said in the calmest voice I could muster.

 _"H-Home..."_ , she whispered faintly

I must have said something right as she stopped crying and relaxed her tense expression. I didn't want her to walk in this condition so I offered her a piggyback ride to which she obliged with no fuss. She hugged me tightly from behind. Now I could trick her and try to contact the hospital again without her knowledge but I stopped the thought. I don't want to deceive her now. She's been through enough. So we went on our way to the place I promised.

* * *

I knocked on the door. As she opened the door she held an expression I pictured her to exactly have at this moment. Her blue eyes slightly enlarged with a mouth hung slightly opened unable to utter any words. An expression mixed with shocked and confusion as she sees a schoolmate holding a disheveled child on his back at her doorstep at the middle of the night. The events of the night must have affected me deeply now to the point of stopping me from thinking anything coherent or witty to say to her to explain the situation at the moment so I'll say something simple and straight to the point.

"Help us"


	2. Chapter 2: Questionable Decision

It's the middle of the night and I'm here at an apartment cleaning up broken glass and smashed vases alongside Yukinoshita Yukino, owner of said apartment. One might ask , that after all the events that happened today, why we are cleaning in the dead of night. I recalled the scenes that led to this moment.

* * *

Earlier we arrived at Yukinoshita's apartment. She allowed us entry, something she would have thought of twice for me if not for the child behind my back.

After settling in I gently positioned Tsurumi across the couch while Yukinoshita helped her lie down. Tsurumi gazed at Yukinoshita with inquiring eyes while she remains lying down and motionless. At least she's not frantic like earlier. Yukinoshita then retrieved a first aid kit to attend her wounds.

"She has bruises across her hands and feet climbing along to her elbow and knees."

"I can perfectly see that Hikigaya-kun you do not need to state the obvious. If you can still waste energy using your mouth can you please divert it to your hands and feet instead and retrieve water so I can clean her wounds?"

Harsh. Can you give a guy a break I spend pedaling all day and running around all night. My brain is not in the best condition to function properly so I find it difficult to converse properly or in this instance retort to your insults. However Tsurumi is receiving the care she needed right now so I won't complain.

I filled a bowl with water and returned immediately. After she cleaned the affected areas, she then wrapped around bandages along Tsurumi's limbs to hide the wounds from further infection. After finishing, she then rested her hands above Tsurumi's head comforting her. She's quick and efficient as expected. I admire how she's handling the situation maturely. She didn't inquire upon the circumstances and ask why and what happened and proceeded immediately to tend the wounded.

"Thanks… for helping." I meekly respond to break the silence between us

"Honestly Hikigaya-kun I'm glad you considered on reaching out for help when the situation is out of your hands."

I'm glad that we're here. It was a good decision on my part. Now that Tsurumi can rest I can think on what to do now.

"But if you're going to act as a hero then you should have used your brain first. Instead of wasting your strength coming over here you should have contacted an ambulance instead, as capable as I am if you truly wanted her to recover then you should have called the proper authorities. ", she now held her phone to enforce the notion.

Oh no... I forgot to warn her about this. Before I could react and stop her Tsurumi suddenly burst into panic mode surprising Yukinoshita. Like a chicken who found out that her owner has decided her for lunch, Tsurumi rampaged across the room trying to escape. A few broken decorations later, the combined effort from both of us have finally managed to calm Tsurumi down with me holding her down and Yukinoshita uttering comforting words.

* * *

We finally finished cleaning. We checked up on Tsurumi who we laid on Yukinoshita's bed at her room. She has now fallen asleep surrounded by a number of Pan-san stuff toys. I can't help but smile a little bit after seeing her gentle face finally resting peacefully. I noticed that Yukinoshita had the same reaction as mine. We then proceeded to the living room. We sat down to rest a bit.

"I'm sorry to have involved you with this without your consent. Seeing both of us at your door at night must have come as a shock to you."

"It did. But it's nothing to apologize for."

"I'll also pay for the broken decorations"

"No need it's lack of foresight on my behalf that led us to this. Though I never would have expected her to react the way she did. You should warned me beforehand that something like that might happen if you knew beforehand"

I try to organize the events in my head "Yukinoshita-san if you need an explanation right now then I'll oblige and say everything that happened."

"Not tonight. There will be a time to discuss that. For now we need to rest for tomorrow"

Silence now looms over us after that. Its presence gives me comfort after the events that transpired tonight. This should be enough for now. With Tsurumi taken care of I can retreat back home for now. Knowing that she's in safe hands will give me good long night sleep. I'll think of my next course of action when tomorrow comes.

"Well please continue to take care of Tsurumi for tonight I'll return at daybreak so… Good bye for now"

I walked towards the door. As I held the doorknob a voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Where do you think you're going?" I turn around to find an irritated expression painted on her face.

"Home, where else"

"Your home is far from here. I have a spare futon for visitors. You can sleep here for tonight or will you still waste my act of goodwill. Here I thought that you are somewhat redeemable after all you've done tonight"

"Fine. Alright I'll sleep here for tonight", Not in the mood to argue I replied reluctantly.

"Then I'll be sleeping with Tsurumi-chan at my room. Please understand that I have my phone near me and I'll contact the police straight away should your rotten eyes ever look inside or do worse while we sleep"

"If you're so wary of my presence then why bother offering me to stay. Also please keep Tsurumi-chan covered with a blanket at all times. She might freeze to death with you sleeping near her."

With that she closed the door to her room. I turn to my side opposite of her room and opened my phone. I messaged Komachi that I won't be able to come home tonight and I'll be staying with a friend.

Sleep comes and my body succumbs. Tomorrow we'll figure this all out.

* * *

"Hi…ga…kun ple… I… nee… on…"

"HhMmm… mm… hhmmm"

I'm feeling a light pain poking on my side disturbing the comfort of my slumber.

"Hmm... mm….5… more minutes.",

The pain turned violent with the futon being pulled from under me rolling me sideways as my elbow hit the floor.

"Geh… Hey… why did you violently push me aside?", I asked hysterically while holding my elbow in pain.

"Good morning Hikigaya-kun" she calmly spoke, as if not hearing my complaint

"Good morning Yukinoshita-san, why did you violently push me aside?", I replied in a courteously voice continuing my snide inquiry.

"It proved to be the most effective method of waking you up. I needed you to get up so I can wash this along the rest. This one might need extra detergent to remove the hikigerms clinging to it"

"Well if it disgusts you so much then I'll wash it for you"

"No thanks before you offer cleaning this it would be better if you clean yourself first. The bathroom is available. I prepared a soap, shampoo, toothbrush, and towel for you to use. After you're done there are some clothes on top of the table for you to change into."

I looked at everything she's prepared. Judging by their looks some of them seem to be brand new. I guess she bought everything earlier this morning while I slept. I want to thank her for the effort she put through this but the pain my elbow endured will only balanced her karma level neither tipping it towards good or evil so no gratitude for her.

"Oh, after that please join us at the table there's breakfast waiting for you." I got up, proceeded to take a quick shower, got dressed then approached the table where Tsurumi and Yukinoshita sat.

When I arrived I found that they've started breakfast already. Yukinoshita is sipping tea and Tsurumi is holding her spoon and fork. I sat down to join them. I ate in moderation aware with the people I'm with right now. Thinking about it, it feels kind of surreal to be eating breakfast with both of them right now. Though what's really running through my mind is the little girl near me. Tsurumi stayed motionless the whole time. Her food remains untouched with her head tilted down looking at it. She still has that vacant look in her eyes. Yukinoshita seem to notice this too as she offered assistance.

"Don't be shy Tsurumi-chan. You must be famished, here eat up. "

Yukinoshita held a spoonful prompting Tsurumi to eat. Tsurumi looked at her with uncertainty, eyeing the food in front of her. Though unresponsive at first Tsurumi took a bite. A few spoonfuls later and it became routine quickly until her plate is empty. Satisfied, Yukinoshita then proceeded to take our plates to wash them.

"Hikigaya-kun may I speak with you after this. Tsurumi-chan you can sit down in the living room for a while"

I kept Tsurumi in company with silence not sure on what to talk about. I then followed Yukinoshita to discuss what we needed. I told her everything that occurred yesterday up to this moment. We decided to split our roles. Yukinoshita will stay with Tsurumi and I'll gather information and make contact with the police about this.

* * *

I walked by the house where this all started. The house is but a shadow of its form last night. It's dark, gritty and ready to fall. I walked past it. No need to get sentimental over this now, not from me anyway.

I got to my first stop, home. Komachi greeted me with her usual demeanor. She asked how did a simple task of buying a light novel ended up sleeping over with a friend and with a more playful tone she asked which among the people I know, "my friend I mentioned", I got together with. I handed her the item she wanted and she questioned no further, happy with what she got. Though I think she stopped her questioning a little too quickly. I'm not sure if she's happy to see me or happy that I finally got her the light novel she wanted.

I gathered news of the fire. A house owned by a family of three: victim's of an unfortunate accident with their child declared as missing. Her parents are currently at a hospital, bedridden and in a comatose. The news of her parents alive in itself is a miracle. With what I saw yesterday I thought they're already… No I shouldn't think that way. I tried to entertain the thought of visiting them right now to check on their condition but I don't think they would let an unrelated person in so I'll pass on that for now.

I then proceeded to the police station, my last stop. With this we can finally get this all over. I stepped inside and then proceeded to…

* * *

I return to Yukinoshita's apartment. Before I knocked I couldn't help but hear the voices accompanied by warm giggles inside.

"Isn't Pan-san very comfortable to hug , right? _mama_ "

I hear them talk inside. It seems Yukinoshita managed to ease the tension with Tsurumi… but _mama?_ Are they playing house? I then proceeded to knock. After entering we discussed the situation at hand with the information I gathered.

"Her parents are alive, hospitalized and unconscious, but alive. I went to the police but...", I paused hesitant to say about what I've done.

"Well, did you inform the police that we have the missing daughter?" she inquired after noticing me stop.

"I did not. I came back because I wanted to talk with everyone to decide on this. Also by everyone I mean not just the two of us. We need to consult Tsurumi-chan about this and give her light on her situation. The decision should not be from my own or yours alone."

"Very well. But do understand that she may not be in the best condition to give her judgment for this matter. She's… no never mind let's proceed"

I was puzzled. What did she mean by that? Well if she won't say anything more about it then it is not my business to pry more. Besides we have another matter to discuss.

"I won't say anything more than I need to say. But no matter the circumstance she has the right to have a say in the matter and we should bear her choice in mind"

We then proceeded to the living room where I saw Tsurumi hugging a Pan-san stuff toy. Her demeanor is a little bit better than before.

"Tsurumi –chan your parents won't be able to take care of you right now. So until your parents recover we could hand you over to the authorities where they will be taking care of you from now on. Will you accept?"

I worded my question carefully. I didn't say any more information that might distress her. If I dwell too much on her parent's condition she might get distraught quickly. Her insisting to visit them right now implies that we need to hand her over to the authorities. This will make our meeting to have a decision altogether pointless if one choice becomes the answer before we finish. Our conclusion will decide whether I'll discuss with her the complete situation or not.

She looked at both of us. Her expression painted with confusion "Not able to… Hand me over... I… I don't understand…Recover? You're both here right now. Why can't I stay anymore? No I don't want to go", she said in a shaky voice these scattered phrases as my inquiry troubled her so.

There's something in what she said right now that seems strange. Is that what Yukinoshita meant earlier about her condition? Well that's not the issue we need to address so I'll ignore it for now.

"I see. Stay here for a moment." I signaled Yukinoshita to continue our conversation. I looked down and recalled how I felt when I walked past the burned down house, what I did at the police station, and what Tsurumi said earlier. I took all of these in consideration and came up with my decision.

"I've thought this through so believe me that I mean everything I'll say from here forth. Yukinoshita-san, I don't want to hand her over to the authorities.

Is giving her up truly the right answer or is it just the easy one. What she needs right now is support, strength, and comfort. I know that it is their job to do these things and that I bear no ill will against that. But why should I take the chance and hope that they will give her the help she needs when we're already doing the same right now and can continue to do so.

In this case we have a choice. If we hand her over we'll take away her happiness only to let time shape it again someday. Does that sound right? Is that fair to her? I know this all sounds selfish but I'm willing to continue carrying the burden. I'll convince my family so she can stay at our house until her parents recover."

Upon finishing Yukinoshita closed her eyes for a moment to ponder on what I said and come up with a decision.

"I understand… However I disagree…"

"Yukinoshita-san, I know that I might not be able to care of her and maybe this is not what she needs right now. But I'll do my best to…"

"Will you let me finish what I'm saying Hikigaya-kun? I meant to say, before you rudely interrupted me, is that I only disagree about her staying in your house. I'm afraid that you might not be able to control yourself someday and defile her. Therefore she'll be staying with me in my apartment for the summer."

Eh. I didn't expect her to agree with me so I jumped to conclusions.

"I'm not a pedophile. Don't accuse me of an act that I haven't done and will not be doing. Besides you don't need to force yourself. You've helped us enough already so…"

"I insist Hi-ki-ga-ya-kun"

The Ice queen proclaimed her intention with an iron will that will not be swayed by my words no matter what leaving me no choice but to accept it. Now that I think about it this could be for the better. Now I don't need to face the daunting task of convincing my whole family not to mention we avoided the problem of Tsurumi adjusting to a new environment. She has a comfortable place to call home for now plus a guardian she can trust.

Yukinoshita then called Tsurumi to say the good news. A smile formed on her face as she hugged the stuff toy tighter after hearing this. Seeing her happy face appear again is nice. She should soon recover emotionally if this continues.

"Now that we're clear with each other I'll take my leave for now"

I opened the door and said my farewells. "Good bye Yukinoshita-san, take care of her."

"I will. Good bye Hikigaya-kun."

As I'm about to say farewell to Tsurumi, she suddenly held my shirt and looked at me with sad eyes. "Stay. Don't go"

"Don't worry. I'll come back again sometime."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise", She let go of me upon hearing this.

"Good bye then Tsurumi-chan, be a good girl and try not to be a burden while I'm away." I then proceeded to walk out.

"Bye bye… please come back home soon… _papa_ "

I felt my face flush red. I heard Yukinoshita react with surprise. I proceeded to close the door and walk away before they notice my embarrassment.

Uh… Did… did I heard that right? Did she just address me as… No I must have misheard what she said there's no way she said something like that.

Thoughts of that goodbye spin around my head as I went my way home.

* * *

 **Author Notes:**

First of all I would like to thank everyone who read, reviewed, and followed my work.

By this chapter you probably now have an idea on what I'm doing here. I made this fanfic with the what-if scenario about the three of them acting like a family. This will tackle on the theme of adapting to a role of a parent and all that comes with it when fate forces it upon you. But as soon as I wrote this down I suddenly realized a huge problem.

 _How do I get the three of them to stay together?_

In order for this premise to work I needed a series of contrived events to lead to this moment. Trying to achieve this scenario while preserving their character as much as possible proved difficult as some of you have mentioned that they seem to be out of character. Yes I admit that I did get a little carried away because of a certain manga that inspired me. But everything else is intentional. I needed them to be emotionally conflicted as soon as possible to counter their highly logical thinking. Planting an emotional attachment to make a connection through bonding should somewhat delay the obvious action of "Handing over little Rumi-chan to the police".

Have I convinced you yet? No? _Sigh_ Oh well…. Bear with me here at least I'm trying.

Updates will come weekly. Hope I still have your attention after all of this. Till next time.


	3. Chapter 3: Establishing Bonds

I watch as the sun color the pavements in front of me as a stride along the road to Yukinoshita's apartment. I awoke to a message asking me to come by her apartment as soon as possible. Really? This early in the morning, I can't even stay at home and relax for a while. There's no reason attached so I assume that hopefully something bad did not happened.

I arrived at my destination and was greeted by Yukinoshita.

"Why did you call me so early in the morning to come here Yukinoshita-san?"

"There's a problem we need to address. It's about Tsurumi-chan she…", Before finishing her sentence Tsurumi soon appeared from Yukinoshita's room.

"Welcome home", Tsurumi greeted me in a reserved voice.

She walked towards me in a meek manner. As she approached me I could see the bottled glee in her expression blooming into a smile upon closing in.

"Why didn't you return last night? Even though you promised that you'd return as soon as possible." Her happy face instantly turned gloomy as she asked me.

"I had to go home for the night"

"Huh? But… our home is here"

"This is your home for now but not mine."

She looked at me quizzically. Our conversation isn't making sense to one another

"No…papa… Don't joke like that" I could say the same for her.

I gaze at Yukinoshita hoping she'd shed a light to the situation. She looked at us quietly. By the looks of her expression I guess she wants to see how I'll react to Tsurumi's strange behavior. Very well, if you're not going to help me then I'll investigate by myself.

"Tsurumi-chan how are you?"

"I'm fine"

"How are your wounds, Do they still hurt?"

"Well, most of my bruises are healed up but mama said to keep the bandages on for a while"

"How about your head, does it feel light or have you experienced any dizziness lately?"

"No, my head is fine"

"Are you sure? Perhaps you've hit your head recently and you just forgot"

She swung her head left and right to deny my claim. I'm getting nowhere. It looks like she's serious with declaring me as her father.

"Then why are you asserting me as your father?"

Her eyes widened and focused at me. My question must have caught her by surprised. She paused for a while before answering.

"Because you are" She answered while staring at me with a confused look.

Is she lying? She's making direct eye contact. Contrary to popular believe liars tend to look straight into the eyes of the other person instead of looking around because they're trying to convince them of their case and not look indecisive. However I don't see any reason for her to lie like this. She's not making any unnecessary gesture nor is she scowling or grimacing. Perhaps she's just confused. She did undergo a traumatizing experience which might have knocked her common sense out.

"It's hard to accept that you can't be with your parents. But we cannot be a replacement for them even if we wanted to. You don't need to lie to us or to fool yourself. We'll continue to take care of you regardless of what will happen"

"I don't understand what you mean here" Tsurumi continued to look at me in the same confused face.

"Do you remember yesterday and the day before that? There was a fire at your house. I found you under a bridge and your parents they're…"

She's now shivering. Her eyes horrified when I mentioned the fire. She can recall the events that happened and I could discuss from there. Plotting points and linking events to clear her head. But I can't continue it's too risky. I might make it worse if I further go into detail and end up traumatizing her.

This isn't working. I can't tell if she doesn't want to accept my reasons or just doesn't understand them at all.

"Hikigaya-kun you're getting nowhere with this. I've already asked her similar questions but to no avail."

"Well at least I'm trying here and not just standing around the corner looking at us"

She couldn't resist my verbal jab and joined the conversation.

"Tsurumi-chan I know it must have been tough, I mean for you to choose Hikigaya-kun as your father must mean that you've experienced the worst if you can accept that"

Oi. there's no need to insult me while questioning Tsurumi. I'll have you know that it's my dream job to be a househusband someday and I don't want you to say that my image to be one is unacceptable.

"Don't you feel anything wrong with this? Does Hikigaya-kun look anything like your father? The same nose, mouth, face and rotten eyes."

"But his looks like doesn't change his role as my dad"

"To be fair she does have a point there. For example your father having a facial reconstruction doesn't change the fact that he is still your father so appearances are useless as a basis for one"

"You know you're not helping the situation"

Fine. If coaxing her through soft reasoning won't change her mind then maybe a strong direct approach will.

"Listen Tsurumi-chan, I am not your father. I never was… and never will be". I said looking at her straight in the eyes with a voice full of conviction.

Her eyes moist and head held down. She turned back and ran towards Yukinoshita's room closing and locking the door. Yukinoshita looked at me with scrutinizing eyes. Great, I made her cry.

I walked towards Yukinoshita's room. I can hear faint sobs behind the door. I knocked on the door. I ready myself to try to convince her to get out.

"I'm sorry Tsurumi-chan. I didn't mean to say that. Actually I meant it but not like _that_ "

No response. I look at Yukinoshita instead and ask her about this.

"You have the key to this door right?"

"I do but unless you have an idea on how to talk some sense into her, then we might as well let her have some space right now. We'll only distress her further if we force it."

"Was she acting like this last night?"

"Yes, she kept addressing me as her mother the whole night. Though it started a lot earlier at around morning actually"

"So this is what you meant yesterday when you said there's something off about her."

"I didn't pay heed to it that morning because I thought she didn't really mean it and that it's her way of coping with the situation. Plus I thought that we'd hand her over to the police"

Compared to when I found her after the fire she's a lot more vocal now. The color of her face returned to their usual radiance. Her injury has mostly healed with probably only scars to show the effect of the tragic accident. I'd say her recovery is almost complete.

But her mind is another story. For whatever reason she now refers Yukinoshita as her mother and me as her father. It's not even a week and we're already facing a problem. She could be worse than when we first met her.

"Hikigaya-kun maybe this is a…"

Mistake. She needs not to finish her sentence. I understand the gravity of the situation. Could the accident have caused this… and to this specific case? We might need expert advice on this, maybe someone who specializes in trauma related effects. But if we go by that logic… perhaps the right action really is handing over Tsurumi to the authorities.

The door swung open suddenly with Tsurumi coming out to plea.

"Papa, Mama… did I do something bad?... please don't be mad… I promise I'll be good just as you want... so please…"

She's perceptive. She must have felt the discomfort we were making regarding her.

"Sorry to worry you Rumi, I'll try to be more considerate from now on"

I instinctively answered when I saw her dejected face. I can't help it. I made my decision over this matter yesterday. There is a point where we needed to stop and we clearly passed that. I'll keep going and see this through and act as a guide to make things right.

Yukinoshita sighed. She probably understands my intent to go along with this. She held Tsurumi and said in a reassuring voice.

"Rumi you are not at fault here. However should a problem arise where we cannot take care you please trust us to make the decision for what's best for you"

That was directed not only to Tsurumi but to me and herself; to serve as a reminder for all of us to take responsibility for this when the time comes.

Tsurumi nodded in affirmation. "I don't need to worry. If its mama and papa then I know that they'll come through any problem no matter what"

We were slightly flushed as she remarked her faith with the two of us. This will be another obstacle for us to overcome. I only hope that there won't be further consequences from our decisions as this goes on.

* * *

Time passed quickly, the day has gone and night arrived and deepened. The air is a lot colder now in contrast to morning's summer warmth. It was another normal day if you ignore Tsurumi's sudden lapse of common sense earlier. We spent the day quietly reading on our own. Though we didn't interact much today it feels a bit awkward around Tsurumi. It will take a while getting used to her addressing me as father. In hindsight at least she won't be distressed if I play along for now. However I can only hope that acting the part will help her in the long run.

We heard a knock on the door. I looked at Yukinoshita. She had the same surprised face as I had meaning she's not expecting any visitors. So who's at the door right now? Someone familiar or… or could it be the police? I know I'm careful when I try to enter the apartment every time. Even if I'm invited here I still try to lessen my presence for no one to notice me. My eyes always aware for anyone near my vicinity. My stealth Hiki skill has become a passive skill lately so it couldn't be.

Yukinoshita asked Tsurumi to hide at her room for now while I approached the door to open and greet our unexpected guest.

"Keep quiet. Not a sound no matter what. Don't open the door until either of us says so"

Yukinoshita instructs Tsurumi then locked the door. I held the doorknob and opened the door slowly allowing only a small space enough for me to take a peek at who is outside. Instead it swung open wide unbalancing me and letting stumble sideways to reveal the person in question.

It was a fox in human clothing. A flawless face painted with a gentle smile that could sway the hearts of men attached to a body that most women would envy. She can be described as a person as elegant as a beautiful rose hiding a sharp unpredictable persona.

" _Nee-san"_ Yukinoshita spoke out in a sad whisper

It's worse than the police. Of all the people that could have been it got to be her. I can't bear to imagine what she'll do if she found out who else is staying here than her sister.

"Hello Yukino-chan How have you bee…Oh my… Hikigaya-kun what a surprise. Could it be that you've taken my dear little sister's heart… and now she wants you to stay at her apartment", Yukinoshita Haruno held her mouth with widened eyes and looked at us with an unconvincing appearance of surprise.

"You've done it now Hikigaya-kun. So how did you seduce Yukino-chan come now tell nee-san all about it".

"Are you done yet, you can stop now you know? I know that you know that we're not dating, or lovers or anywhere near in the process of becoming one. Judging a scenario on your first impression will only lead to a lot of misunderstanding."

"Defensive now are we. Are you sure you're not just trying to change the subject. Aren't we secretive? Or maybe you're hiding something more"

"…"

"Just kidding, No need to blush. Hope I'm not ruining the mood you're both in."

I'm not blushing nor am I amused. She kept poking my throat with her elbow. I want to say a lot more but I kept my mouth shut to not provoke the beast. It's irritating to hear her tease us like this but it's for the better. I need to be as unsuspicious as possible for this situation and respond only when necessary with caution. The problem is we are hiding something from her and if she interrogates us with the right set of questions involving my presence here then we'll have trouble with keeping the whole situation a secret. Her unannounced visit has already caught us unprepared and if she were to notice that there's a fourth person in this apartment…

"So how long have you two been going out? Be very careful hikigaya-kun or onee-san might become an aunty a lot sooner."

"Hikigaya-kun came here as an invited visitor. What's more of a concern here is the uninvited one." Yukinoshita finally intervened trying to stop her sister from her deranged imagination.

"How cruel my own sister now wants me out off the picture to have Hikigaya-kun all for herself."

"Enough. What are you here for really?"

"No need to get agitated. I only came to check up on my cute little sister."

"Why the sudden visit? You've never done something as rude as an unannounced visit before."

"It is my responsibility as the elder to check on my family and make sure you're comfortable at your residence. Besides haven't you heard that there was a fire somewhere near here?" She spoke in an elegant manner befitting of her image not like her tone before.

"Yes, I've heard the news cover that topic a few nights ago. However as you can see there is no danger in my immediate vicinity, my health is satisfactory, and I'm fine as always so there is no need for you to worry. If your concern is needed then I'll be sure to call if that time ever comes."

"I see. Very well I'll be on my way then. Since you're very eager to get me out then I'll comply for now. You must be very excited to snuggle beside hikigaya-kun at bed to be like this."

"Hikigaya-kun is **not** going to sleep here and will be leaving shortly after you so could you stop your delusions from running rampant in your mind."

 **Tud.** We heard a sound resonate somewhere. I'm not exactly sure where it came from but the first thing that comes to my mind is Yukinoshita's room.

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes, could be from the neighboring units… none of our concern"

"Hmmm…" She posed in a curious manner

Neither I nor Yukinoshita reacted any different from the sound. There's nothing suspicious with our actions. Please let her ignore it.

"Hmmm… Well then, I'll be going now. Farewell Hikigaya-kun, Yukino-chan, stay in touch and remember… keep it in moderation", she remarked teasingly

With that she closed the door. She left as quickly as she appeared. We kept still continuing our calm act and waited for a few minutes. I walked towards the door and looked outside… just in case… to be sure. After we made sure that we're all alone now. We breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you think she noticed?"

"I don't know. I can't tell"

I felt relieved that she didn't inquire further about my presence at Yukinoshita's apartment. Though I can't help and feel that somehow it's wrong. That there's a part of me that can't accept that she just forgot to ask or that she wasn't at least a bit curious enough to ask us why exactly am I here.

With that we approached the door where I suspect the source of the sound came from. We unlocked and opened the door to find Tsurumi sitting in the middle of the bed. We approached her to discuss if she caused the almost accidental reveal.

"Did you cause that sound we heard earlier?"

She looked at us with her cheeks pouted a little bit before turning her gaze away from us both.

"Rumi tell us what's wrong?"

"Why ? mama you said papa will leave again…but… but you promised last night"

Promise? "What does she mean by that Yukinoshita-san?"

Yukinoshita was fidgeting. Her eyes cast on different directions, troubled.

"I… well… She wouldn't stop sulking last night when we were about to sleep without you so I had to…"

"Last night you promised that papa would stay tonight since he didn't come home and that we'll all sleep together."

The three of us. Sleep. Together. I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious upon hearing such a ridiculous request.

"I… Fi… Fine. he'll be sleeping with us tonight" It took all the strength for Yukinoshita to comply to such a nonsensical request. Tsurumi's appearance turned bright and happy as she heard her mother's approval.

"Are you sure? you don't have to go through with this is if you really don't want to"

"I'll keep my word" she repeated. I can't tell if it's the noble choice or not to keep her promise and give in to Tsurumi's demand

* * *

After an hour or so of getting ready, here I am inside Yukinoshita's room lying on top of her bed. The three of us somehow fit on the bed. Tsurumi volunteered to sleep between us. Yukinoshita showed discomfort of the idea but agreed eventually as the alternate solution would have been unbearable. If she wanted to part between us then she would have to sleep beside me.

I lay in bed sideways with my front opposite them. I don't want to make things more awkward by facing them. I try not to move in the slightest to not let them feel my presence.

Sleeping is proving to be a difficult challenge. What I find uncomfortable isn't the small space the three of us are occupying but the individuals whom I'm sharing the bed with themselves. Distractions surround me in this room trying to dismantle my peace of mind, the silence of the room emphasizing the soft humming of their breath, the pillow carrying the lingering scent of Yukinoshita, the warmth at my back reminding me of their proximity.

"Papa don't you feel cold being far from us? You'll eventually fall if you keep distancing yourself over the edge. Come closer to us"

Tsurumi without warning grabbed me from behind urging me to move closer towards them. Her arms wrapping around me took me by surprise.

"I… I'm fine. Coming closer would do me no good. In fact I'm distancing myself for the sake of all of us. So let go of me"

"Rumi … let him go… there's no need to drag him closer"

Yukinoshita grabbed Tsurumi while she held onto me in defiance. The commotion forced me to turn around thus removing her hold on me. This caused me to get a good view of my current roommates. Yukinoshita is wearing a yellow pajama covered with pan-san faces all around while Tsurumi is wearing a pink pajama with cat designs scattered.

"Now together the three of us are close and warm", Tsurumi smiled upon seeing our circumstance.

My eyes meet with Yukinoshita's for 1 second before awkwardness settled in. We both instantly turned our backs to face the other direction.

"Eh… Why? muuuuhhh", voiced Tsurumi in a disappointed tone as we turn, facing away from each other.

The way she's acting is like a kid gone happy after finally able to spend time together with both parents. Unbeknownst the embarrassment she's causing to both of us.

"Sleep. Not another word Rumi", commanded Yukinoshita in a stern voice

"But it's cold if we all embrace each other th…"

"Stop complaining, and close your eyes and mouth.", I replied with the same conviction as Yukinoshita's

" _Sigh_ … Good night mama, papa" The child whispered silently, tucking in and covering herself in the blanket as her simple wish was denied.

* * *

 **Author Notes:**

Hello again. I think I'll be using this section as a sort of afterword for every chapter from now on to analyze and discuss the idea used in a chapter, share my inspirations and character concepts of this fanfic.

Inspiration

 **Berserk** : _Lost Children_ arc and _Spring Flowers of Distant Days_ flashback

 **YES you read that right. Berserk.** The manga I mentioned in the previous author notes, the cause of that first chapter's emotional outburst, the cause of your OOC comment. If you're familiar with this manga or at least have heard of it then you probably know how distant this is from Oregairu. To be exact this grimdark manga is at the opposite direction from a lot of modern anime/manga nowadays. Oh I have but only praises for this manga and how emotional it can get the reader in a different way from romance or drama.

The alternative premise of this fanfic was to get Rumi to be babysit by either Yukino or Hachiman and somehow get both of them together. Very different from what I have now. The babysit storyline would have been a lot better for pacing, I get to keep the characters in tune, have self contained chapters like an episodic show, No injured characters in the making of the fanfic, No complicated plot, No OOC until romance scenes. Just fluff filled chapters good for the heart.

The only problem is I found the whole thing… _boring._ It's like accepting only the 1st season of Oregairu and ignoring the 2nd. There's nothing at stake I can end the babysit fanfic as abrupt as it begins. The happy chapters I've thought up are good for 2nd act scenarios and character development but can't be used for a satisfying conclusion or beginning. When I read the specific chapters of berserk my mind sparked fireworks with what I could do with an Oregairu fanfic, circling around the concept of childhood innocence. Now I have strong beginning and ending in mind, _well at the cost of an OOC start, difficult plot building, headaches but I digress_. I'll discuss this more when I get near the ending.

Of course berserk is not the only inspiration. After all we need to have a good balance of happiness and sadness

Again thanks for reading, reviewing and following my work. Till next time.


	4. Chapter 4: Minor Soliloquy

_I felt… warmth. Warmth that spreads throughout my body, gently, soothing across all over me. The sensation is so foreign… yet so endearing._

 _I reveled in its presence sensing comfort in its gentle bond. I wonder, have I ever felt anything like this before? Nothing comes to mind. But at one point I must have wished for this. It reminds me of olden days long past. At a time when I knew nothing of the world and it knew nothing of me. No hatred, No regret, No remorse, No wisdom… No sadness. Ah, I understand now. It's reminds me of dreams before I turned to who I am today._

 _I'm feeling the end draw near. It was inevitable. Yet I couldn't help but yearn for it. To grasp it, embrace it and never let it go again. I want… to let this moment linger longer. To wish for it to last an eternity would be greedy…but for a few more seconds… at least one more precious time_

My eyes strained a little as I slowly opened them. I can see a visible glow shine weakly around. Morning must have come. Even though around this hour should have been my usual time to wake up I couldn't help but feel tired. My sour awakening can only be caused by last night's incident. Another good night sleep wasted again. The urge to go back to sleep is strong. Well I can't come up with any reason to resist the urge. It would be wise to follow my body's instinct to go back to sleep.

My body relaxes as I ready myself to continue my slumber. I move my limbs around finding the spots most relaxing. I hugged my pillow tighter, enjoying its accumulated warmth against last night's cold residue. Once again I shut my eyes, my mind lightens up, slowly...surely… returning to the comfort of sleep.

Wait… something's amiss. A spark triggered at my head before I completely dozed off. I began to question why my body is feeling a lot of warmth not from my own. My hands move around feeling something soft and lean. After a few more slow movements then I felt something fur-like…no it's hair, _that's it_ , hair that's flowing near my chest and shoulder. My senses return to me and my mind rationalized my circumstance. I must have used Tsurumi as a pillow somehow. By now I've lost all motivation to continue my sleep. I dreaded the effects of this moment to my future. I couldn't imagine what Yukinoshita would do if she saw me right now. I opened my eyes to assess my whole situation. My head slowly moved down to my chest to get a better view. I was shocked at what I'm seeing. My suspicion was wrong and it is not Tsurumi that I'm hugging right now… It's worse… I'm embracing Yukinoshita herself.

My arms are wrapped around her. Her head is slightly resting on my shoulder and chest. Her shallow breathing shows signs that she's still in deep sleep. This is going to be tricky. I need to be slow and precise on my movements. If she wakes up then… no, now is not the time for what ifs. I removed my free hand from its hold. Now comes the difficult part. My right hand and arm can't move from their current position. I can only use my free hand to slightly lift her head and free myself. As I lifted her head, I moved it with minimal change to its original position; just enough to get my other arm loose. My eyes are locked on her face, carefully studying any changes of expression that would indicate her awakening. Little by little I moved my arm from under her.

My hard work paid off. I managed free myself from her. I began to slowly land her head on a pillow. I didn't expect something like this to happen to me but overall I'm glad that I avoided a typical Romcom accident. Here she is sleeping soundly in this situation while here I am having a lot of distress. Still my face couldn't relax and let go of the tension so easily. Heat still continues to form around my cheeks. Is it because I kept staring at Yukinoshita at such a close distance? It is rare to see her like this. Her calm expression continues to rest so peacefully.

"Papa, mama good morning!" I looked at the door to find Tsurumi bursting inside allowing a lot of light to penetrate inside the room.

Yukinoshita opened her eyes to find my hand not yet fully removed from her head and with me so close to her. Our eyes locked with one another…

* * *

I sat on a chair near the table, Yukinoshita sat opposite of me and Tsurumi run around setting up the table. She diligently arranged plates, spoon and fork at the table. I could smell toast permeate around the room as she prepared the beverages on the table. She pours an orange juice on each of our glasses.

"Rumi, would you mind if I help you set up the table?" I offered to help her seeing how she kept running all around trying on her own to make breakfast for all of us.

"No thanks you just relax and wait for a moment. I'll set it all up by myself."

"Sorry Rumi I wasn't able to wake up earlier and prepare breakfast for everyone"

"Its okay mama I didn't wake everyone to surprise you all with this" Tsurumi beamed a smile happy at her role in this. She then took out eggs from the fridge and prepared the frying pan.

"I'll fry the eggs to go with the toast Rumi"

"No need… I'll handle that too. You just sit and wait for a while"

"The dining set here is not prepared properly to be used by someone at your age so allow me to do the cooking."

"Okay, mama" Tsurumi looked a little solemn after hearing that. She must have really wanted to take care of everything for us to show her appreciation.

"Listen Rumi don't fret. I'll teach you myself on how to cook properly after we get the proper equipments for you, would you like that?" Yukinoshita replied in a caring tone upon seeing Tsurumi's reaction.

"Yes, I would!" Tsurumi replied with more glee hearing the proposal.

Their conversation resembles very much like that of a mother and daughter. I couldn't help but smile a little after seeing that. They moved around doing their tasks. Together they quickly prepared the table for breakfast.

"Itadakimasu", we all exclaim together before we ate together.

The sounds of spoon and fork resound as we ate in moderation.

" _Ehem_ , thanks for the food. It was nice for you to set it up for us Rumi… same for you Yukinoshita-san" I mentioned to break the silence while I finish my meal.

"You're welcome" Tsurumi replied happily upon her hard work being appreciated. Whereas Yukinoshita did not react continuing to ignore me.

"Yukinoshita-san about this morning…"

"I did not ask for an explanation, nor for excuses, nor reasons so you need not to say anymore Hikigaya-kun" She coldly replied refusing further conversation. No need to make an effort explaining if she's going to act like this. Besides I know I did not do anything wrong so my conscience is clear.

"This morning? Ah that reminds me, I wanted to wake up everyone a lot earlier but refrained from doing it when I saw mama and papa embracing each other and sleeping peacefully"

We had a momentary pause upon hearing her before we continued to move. We laid down our spoon and fork, stood up.

"I'll clean up the dishes, it's the least I could do."

"Rumi, let's go to the living room"

"Eh? O-okay…"

I wiped the table clean and stacked our dishes while they head to the living room. As I wash the dishes I couldn't help but think why Tsurumi torments us so.

* * *

" _In other news… police have reported…"_

" _Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark, I beseech thee combine with my deep crimson. The time of awakening cometh, justice fallen upon the infallible boundary, appear now as an intangible distortion, dance dance dance, I desire for my torrent of power a destructive force: a destructive force without equal! Return all creation to cinders, and come from the abyss! This is the mightiest means of attack known to man, the ultimate attack magic! Explosion!"_ [1]

" _Hey you know. We cared about you. You're worth keeping around..."_

The sound of television shifting from channel to channel reverberated. The afternoon filled an orange glow inside the room. I spent my time reading one of Yukinoshita's books while she did the same. The scenario is similar to our time at the service club. Tsurumi, watching shows, quietly sits in the living room. We didn't converse much today and kept to our own. But I didn't mind it. The peace and quiet is always welcomed.

" _Forecast suggests we'll have clear skies tonight…"_

" _There is nothing that can console me than my jolly sailo…"_

" _Stay down don't get up you need res…"_

" _Learn to reverence night and to put away the vulgar fear of it, for, with the banishment of night from the experience of man, there vanishes as well a religious emotion, a poetic mood, which gives depth to the adventure of humanity. By day, space is one with the earth and with man - it is his sun that is shining, his clouds that are floating past; at night, space is his no more…"_

I glanced around and saw Tsurumi looking at the screen intently. She stopped switching channels and glued her eyes to one. Depictions of stars glittered across the screen as a narrator speaks.

"When the great earth, abandoning day, rolls up the deeps of the heavens and the universe, a new door opens for the human spirit, and there are few so clownish that some awareness of the mystery of being does not touch them as they gaze. For a moment of night we have a glimpse of ourselves and of our world islanded in its stream of stars - pilgrims of mortality, voyaging between horizons across eternal seas of space and time. Fugitive though the instant be, the spirit of man is, during it, ennobled by a genuine moment of emotional dignity, and poetry makes its own both the human spirit and experience."[2]

"Mama, papa, let's have a picnic then stay till nightfall and have a camp and then we could stargaze and…"

"No" Yukinoshita flatly denied without a second thought."Rumi, we don't have the necessary equipment or plans. The number of hours remaining before nightfall would not be enough for us to prepare, understood."

"O-okay"

"Going by that logic, you're saying that if we had the necessary amount of time to prepare implies that we could go camping" Yukinoshita glanced at me. She must have been surprised to hear me say something like that. Even I can't believe I'm saying this, am I going soft?

"I suppose that's true. If we did had the time to prepare then we could go on a picnic someday"

"Really?" Tsurumi inquired with a hint of hope

"However… preparation is not the only important detail. We need everyone's consent to know if they're willing"

"I would love to go, you'd go too right?"

"Of course I would, I doubt you'd enjoy it alone so I'll go along"

"Papa, you'll be coming along as well okay"

"Su-sure" I kept reading the book I had in hand while I gave my answer. I don't want them to give them the impression that I'm all for the idea. There are still uncertainties with our situation and a wrong decision could backlash hard. However I don't think there's anything bad spending time outdoors for one day away from people so I'll go along with it. Besides the trip might not happen at all, nothing's set in stone, not even with promises no matter how hard you try to keep them, fate may decide otherwise.

"There's no need to invite Hikigaya-kun Rumi if he's not willing. It can be just the two of us"

"I already gave my reply. You must have your own version of a dictionary if you meant that the word _everyone_ you said earlier does not include me"

"My own version… now that you mention it you yourself are associated with a lot of terms in my mind. Most of which are unpleasant"

"Of course papa will go. All of us will." Tsurumi immediately intervened putting a stop to our banter

"Settle down Rumi. Very well, we'll all go camping someday." Yukinoshita agreed with the proposal.

"Really, do you mean it?"

"Yes, I do" Tsurumi's cheerful spirit returned upon hearing that. Does she really mean it? I've been observing Yukinoshita lately and it seems she's quite tolerant with Tsurumi. Even if the requests doesn't suite her she'll gradually accept given the right push.

* * *

Another night, another problem. Here we are in Yukinoshita's room together like last night. Only this time I wasn't on the bed with them but on a futon lying near their bed. Despite Tsurumi's protest we managed to come with a compromise. Yukinoshita convinced Tsurumi to accept this proposal with resolute. After all she did not want a repeat of this morning's incident and warned me that I'll have a short future if I ever attempted to do something like that again. I relaxed and began to sleep.

"Papa, I can't sleep can you tell me a story."

"Ask your mother. I think she'll have a few that are aligned with your tastes"

"I've already heard stories of Pan-san and neko from mama. I like them all but tonight I want one from you"

I conjured up a story assimilated from a lot of animes I've seen. I sat up to tell my tale.

" **O** nce upon a time, in a land far to the east, at an age gone by, there lived a commoner named Nanaya. He wasn't dashing or heroic. Nor was he handsome or good –looking. He does not even have a pleasing personality when you ask the townsfolk about him. In fact he wasn't well liked by everyone. Everyone was rather displeased at him and avoided him like a disease. He thinks and acts differently than the rest. But none of that mattered for the young commoner. He enjoyed not the company of others but only his own. For in solitude he was content.

One day an adviser from the royal palace came to speak with him

 _You there whelp_. Said the adviser who's still probably not yet married despite the looks of her face that desire it so.

 _Her young highness serves the land by hearing and solving out the troubles of the townsfolk. You being the apex of a problematic citizen are summoned to have an audience with her and be cured of your ill-ways._

Of course this infuriated Nanaya. He reasoned with the adviser that he does not approve of this. For even though he was different from the common rabble, he had never hurt another, that there is nothing wrong with his way of life. But despite his indignation he was forced against his will and dragged into the castle like a rotten prisoner.

Inside he met the princess of the kingdom. She had a beauty beyond any woman of this kingdom. Her radiance takes the breath away from anyone who gazes at her. She had a skin almost as white as snow, and her hair flowed smoothly past her shoulder. But none of this made the princess happy. Her beauty was her curse. She had no companions for jealousy seeps into the hearts of women around her and lust clouded the mind of men, well all but our young commoner for he was above such petty emotions. In spite of the hate she endured she continued to serve another. Her cold demeanor was matched by her kindness.

But despite having similar circumstances they did not like the presence of one another, their principles clashed. They protested, complained the shortcomings of the other. Still they had no choice but to stay with each other for a while and continue to solve the problems of the townsfolk together until Nanaya's demeanor became more acceptable. Working together proved to be a difficult challenge as they tried to one up another displaying their own methods of solving a problem. Time passed and problems solved. Even though they had banters and ignored one another from time to time, their company together in peace was comforting. Perhaps it was too comforting as they felt an alien emotion that they did not understood, that have somehow taken their hearts captive and the cause of it was the simple company of one another.

But the peace did not last long for the two of them. News spread out that the princess will marry a prince, loved by everyone for he was kind, down-to-earth and handsome. The engagement was made by their parents to establish a lasting relationship between the two kingdoms. This did not sit well with Nanaya. He did not like the princess to be forced by such a farce. He saw how this troubled the princess; she lost her usual strong aura. Hidden from both their minds, is that her heart held someone dear to her and that she was afraid that she'd lose him… forever for she cannot deny the wish of her parents. He wanted to help the princess, he said to himself that he wanted to help her because it was the right thing to do, but his heart is saying something more, it desired something different. He the…"

"What an awful development." Yukinoshita blurted out. Her face showed irritation unable to bear hearing me continue the story.

"I would ask if I needed your opinion Yukinoshita-san, to which I didn't so please keep quiet and let me finish the story"

"I don't need to ask for permission to speak in my own apartment. Especially when I don't like hearing an unpleasant story"

"Which part of the story did you find unpleasant then?"

"The arranged marriage"

"What about it?"

"Everything about it!" Yukinoshita states this as a fact that I should have understood already by now. I looked at her dumbstruck, curious why she's so adamant on its injustice.

"What do you mean everything? The engagement will test their resolve for the audience to see how much they've grown as part of their development."

"I understand its purpose as the second act. Using an arranged marriage is what I don't like."

"There's nothing wrong with using the engagement scenario. In fact I think it's rather popular among successful drama shows"

"A cliché then"

"And your point? Repetitiveness is the proof of its effectiveness regardless of era or age. "

"I think you're judging clichés in a positive light too much. Repeat it often and a story would be bland like yours. A story can transcend a cliché scenario if you can handle the execution in a different manner where the audience would find it fresh and appealing despite its roots. Your story lacks said appealing execution

Even the characters despite their fresh early depiction fell down steeply, especially the princess"

"I'm almost not surprised that you don't like what's happening with the heroine"

"Because there is nothing right with how you're treating her you turned her into another damsel in distress waiting for the hero to swoop in and rescue her"

"First I haven't finished the story that makes your statement true since the characters haven't tried solving the problem yet. Next, yes she got the short end of the stick but it can't be helped. You can't have drama when there is nothing at stake. Can't you see how the arranged marriage is used to affect the characters? To be taken out of their comfort and force them to adapt… to learn and strive to fulfill their desire"

"It doesn't have to be that way"

"You're being too unreasonable here if you're denying the drama's purpose itself."

"You're misunderstanding me. It's not the drama itself but how it's handled.

Tell me Hikigaya-kun what do you think does a typical audience really wants, what they look for when they watch romance"

"What else but the romance?" Shouldn't that be obvious I wondered?

"Wrong… the answer is the heroine… their so called best girl…"

I think I understand what the specific demographic she's referring to here. She continued to speak.

"You see, the heroine is made desirable for the audience to yearn for it and wish for the hero to succeed so they can feel the hero's happiness when they self-insert themselves into them. After all it's the audience that enjoys seeing girls love struck for the protagonist. You want them to crave and melt for the main character. Because viewers revel in it, it doesn't matter if the main character likes it or not It's not really for them but the for the viewer's pleasure. To be a heroine is to be a trophy… a desirable prize… Romance is just the convenient excuse to justify this action.

But I don't like that; it can be more than that. You don't have to cater to that kind of audience who's too easy to please. Don't sell them a character but the story with the characters.

Instead maybe you can look at the story from her perspective too. Have them know her in a similar way you identify with the hero. So you can comprehend better what they both have and share together. And when they finally win you can understand the euphoria from both their points of view. Instead of the heroine being the trophy… the goal could be romance… the romance itself… the prize not one but both, each other… for me that would be far more genui… "

Yukinoshita stopped. She must have noticed how enamored she sounds talking like that. I kept silent and stared at her with awe surprised at how she could act like this. Her eyes had a dreamy gaze discussing what she wanted in a romance. Her voice was soft yet unyielding when giving reason. This is yet another side of her I would never have thought she had. Maybe she empathized too much with the heroine as she might have been in the same position as her in alternate timelines. She turned her back to me embarrassed by her little speech.

" _Ehem_ … I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. You know, you make it sound like I'm making a bad harem story here"

No response. She didn't make a sound nor move. Seems she doesn't want to talk more about it.

"How about you Rumi, what do you think ab…"

Tsurumi was in slumber already. I didn't even notice that she fell asleep already with our banter going on. I lied down, turned my back to them and tried to sleep again. I didn't even get to finish my story. These two are terrible story listeners.

* * *

 **Author notes:**

 _I wonder what Yukino would think after reading all this fanfics concerning her… fate._

Don't get me wrong I have nothing against the arranged marriage scenario rumored to be in vol. 12 or oregairu's final arc. In fact I like reading fanfics that explore this topic. But if the author ever pulls out this card I might as well be numb about it since I've seen and read so many scenarios about this.

Also I actually have a little dilemma with introducing other characters in my story. As an example I wanted to introduce Yui last chapter along with Haruno. The scenarios could be good source or comedy not to mention a contrast between Yui and Yukino in handling Rumi. But I soon found problems with this the same way I had trying to get Hachi, Yuki and Rumi together initially. First I don't think Yui will let Hachi sleep together with Yuki and Rumi, at least not without her. Thus ruining a few scenes you just read. Next is her role in all of this. She could be a good foil to Yukino with her handling some situations where she's better than Yukino thus having good drama set up later on but the way I see it is this could be too detrimental to Yukino's development. The core outline of my fic is to have her and Hachi develop these roles together. I know how important Yui is to the story and the trio's development in the service club but I don't want her to end up as third wheel or a background character in this derived from romance _(besides other stories have already handled this and to a good extent)_ like a mistress desiring for the husband is not a good side dish for a family oriented fic.

I know there is a compromise with all this and as the writer it is my job to compensate for this. But her presence will make huge changes in my original outline for the story. I can't afford to lengthen the upcoming chapters. Too much work for an amateur like me and I have a busy life with work five days a week. Maybe I'll step forward and do this or maybe I won't… We'll see

Thanks again for reading, reviewing and following my work. Till next time.

 **References:**

[1] Megumin's chant, Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo

[2] _Henry Beston,_ The Outermost House, _1933_


	5. Chapter 5: A Tender Embrace

I open my eyes and sat on my futon. I scan around to find Tsurumi still in slumber but alone in bed. Yukinoshita must have woken up earlier.

I Stood up and walked out of the room. I saw Yukinoshita near the dining table alone shrouded in silence. I decided not to bother her with my presence and remained hidden from her sight. I walked sideways away from her direction.

"I've noticed you a moment ago Hikigaya-kun. If you continue to keep hidden I'll have no qualms in reporting your indecent behavior"

"Good morning Yukinoshita-san" I walked to her with no choice now that my stealth has been uncovered.

"I wasn't stalking you"

"Your actions prove otherwise"

"I only figured that you'd like to have no one around for a while"

"and why would I?"

"You must have missed the solitude in your apartment because this would be your first time alone since the accident so I thought you'd like to have as much time with only yourself for once"

"…" She paused for a while before she continued "It's alright there's no need for you to be concerned about that"

I sat across her and looked at her once again. Her expression returned after a brief change when she stopped an immediate reply.

"So… with the way things are. Are you experiencing any difficulties considering the circumstances?" I had a little trouble wording what I meant to say but if it's her then my intention should have been clear. She seems to be the same as always but how about inside. I wanted to ask her again on her outlook at this now that it's been a few days together with Tsurumi.

"I'm managing fine except for a minor trouble"

"What would that be?"

"You"

"Oh" I should have expected that answer

Silence again loomed between us. I spoke again to break the ice

"You once told me before that it is the duty of the strong to help the weak."

"I did, you asked me that before when you were entering the service club"

"Are you doing this out of duty?"

"I'm doing this for I deemed it to be the most appropriate decision at the moment… or are you implying something more Hikigaya-kun"

"I only brought it up to talk about what I'll do today. The situation regarding the incident must have calmed down by now. This time I'll try to get information about Rumi's parent's condition. It should be made available by the hospital to the public. It's highly likely that this will be the case especially if the victim's are unconscious so their consent is not needed. With this potential relatives and friends can immediately know the conditions"

"It would be great if they're awake now. They'll be glad to know that their daughter is safe and sound with us."

"I agree that their improved health would be good news indeed. But it's Rumi's mental condition I'm worried about. I don't want to be accused of brainwashing and kidnapping if Rumi suddenly denied them as her real parents. If you'll excuse me then"

I stood up and prepare to ready myself…

"Ne, Hikigaya-kun after you visit the hospital you can stay at home for tonight in your own house. Just call me later about the details of her parent's condition"

"Are you sure? Won't you have trouble with Rumi without me?"

"I'll be fine. I can take care of her on my own. Beside it would be your first time alone again after a few days, wouldn't you like to spend more time at your home with freedom"

I turned back and smiled a little, surprised she would return the same courtesy I gave

"If you insist then.."

I then proceeded to prepare and take a bath before I go.

* * *

As I walk out dressed I noticed that Tsurumi had just woken up, her face still a little sleepy.

"Rumi I'll be going out for now. I need to take care of some things"

"Hmm….Come back soon" Tsurumi sleepily replied

"Don't worry I will"

"Bye Bye" she replied. I waved my hand and walked to the door ready to leave.

"Rumi, let's go take a bath now" I stopped in my tracks when I heard that.

''Wha..Why? I can take a bath on my own, there's no need to help me I'll be fine" Tsurumi had a slight blush as she stammer her stance on the matter.

"You're bruises should have a complete recovery by now so you won't need bandages after, to be sure I need to inspect your whole body so I insist"

"O-okay…Though it's kind of embarrassing…" Tsurumi replied still shy and unsure

"Relax Rumi, We need to take care of your skin especially if there are scars. If you'd like I'll wash your hair and back for you too"

"Okay. Then I'll wash your back in return" Tsurumi's usual glee return

 _Yukinoshita. Tsurumi_ _. Bath. Together. Thought-provoking_

My mind could not resist these words from being formed as I continue to hear their conversation. This is a scene a light novel illustrator would gladly draw to boost sales. But my brain stood strong and remained chaste. It did not completely betray me by imagining the bonus cg images.

"I'd appreciate it Hikipervert-kun if you would stop having indecent thoughts of us" the ice queen accused me with a piercing gaze and venomous tone.

"I imagined no such things. I'm innocent. Though I doubt you'd believe no matter what I say anyway"

"I believe you were leaving Hikipervert-kun…Well… go on" She held a firm voice insisting my absence before they take a bath.

"Fine. Good-bye then"

"Bye papa, come back as soon as possible" Tsurumi smiled and waved her hand goodbye.

I waved back and finally took my leave.

* * *

Home. Not the pretend one we have at Yukinoshita's apartment but my own where I belong. I felt a slight sense of estrangement as I walk across the rooms like a long time has passed since I've last been here. This isn't the first time I've been away from home and it certainly isn't the longest. Yet somehow the time I spent on that apartment must have warped my senses.

I opened the fridge and took out a can of my favorite drink, Max Coffee. I opened it immediately and drank long vigorously to quench my thirst. My throat felt bliss as the precious elixir pass through it.

My breathing calmed down and I clear my head. Now that I'm satisfied I reached my phone to call Yukinoshita about my visit earlier.

"Welcome Home, Onii-chan!" Komachi appeared with a smug smile on her face.

"Yo" I replied lazily as I quickly closed my phone.

"Have any souvenirs for me? Onii-chan"

"Souvenirs?"

"Weren't you in vacation? One would assume with you being away for days now" She continued to inquire me in a low playful voice

"Your brother's safe return is the souvenir I give you my dear sister" I replied in a caring voice with a slight sarcastic undertone

"Boring, anything else?" she replied. Hm. uncute. "That's minus Komachi points"

"Okay how about I take information as my souvenir then, tell me what have you been up to lately"

"Let me rest in my room for a bit. I'll tell you later"

"No" She blocked my way not letting me pass.

"Don't try to walk away from me. You were gone for days with only a few messages containing vague reasons as your only communication. I covered for you from mother and father… I was lonely you know" Her voice changed, lowered from her previous tone.

"I'm on duty with Yukinoshita upon a request to care for a friend" Far from the truth but still not a lie.

"What's the request about that's taking you days to do?"

"…"

"That's it? Is that all you'll say to me…that's as vague as your messages." She looked at me dishearten

"Yes, I can't say anymore than that" I replied hesitatingly, sounding unsure

"Don't you trust me?"

"Komachi, I trust you. I don't want to lie to you or to keep this a secret from you. If the decision is mine alone then I would tell you everything. But this is more than me. So for now trust me" I can't tell her without the consent of both Yukinoshita and Tsurumi.

"Komachi… I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you"

She closed her eyes an breathed a sigh of relief "I trust you. There's nothing I can do if you're gonna be stubborn like that. However just remember no matter what, I'll always be on your side so please trust me when the time comes. Ah I think I regained some Komachi points there" her smile returned

"Thank you" I replied gaining back my composure.

She moved away from my path after I convinced her. Now to go back to my room, continue my report to Yukinoshita and finally have quality time with no one but me.

"Wait!" Komachi grabbed me by the arm as I pass her. She stepped closer narrowing the gap between us. Her nose rose and made sniffing gestures.

"This smell… there's something about it…"

"W-what's with you? Let me go" I tried to remove her hand off me but her gripped tightened, committed to not let me off that easy. She continued to sniff near me like a curious dog.

"A woman's aroma… It's very faint… but lingers around you…"

"Wha-what are you talking about! Let go of me already" Her claim surprised me.

"I can't be mistaken that's a woman's scent clinging on you. Oniiiii-chan, you're hiding something scandalous. Did you spend all your time close to Yukino. Very very close to Yukino. Tell me what happened. Is there something going on between you two? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me everything!"

Her voice peaked with giggling excitement. Her eyes glisten, staring intently at me waiting for me to say answers that will satisfy her curiosity. She didn't bother to reserve herself and continued to inquire me with fervor.

"I understand now... the way you try to deny and the way you try so hard to hide details… then that means… could it be… that at night you would do _this_ … and do _that_ … to Yukino… aaahh… aahhh" Her imagination run wild as she held her cheeks with her hands and face painted red

"Calm down Komachi, don't jump to conclusions. I did not do any _this_ and _that_ … whatever those mean"

I thought I could have quality time by my own just for today. The problems did not stop bothering me even when I'm away from that apartment. _Sigh_ … This will take all day long. How am I to call Yukinoshita under the circumstance?

* * *

I poured a bucket of water all around her hair to wash off the shampoo. I massaged her head along with the hair to properly rinse it.

"Mama does your long hair bother you?"

"Maintaining it is rather harder than short hair. To keep it healthy requires constant care and it gets messy easily especially on a windy day. However I like it this way and I aim to keep it waist long.

Why do you ask? Are you perhaps troubled having long hair?"

She gently nodded her head sideways to disagree "No I like my hair long too I just wanted to find out if we have the same problems"

I poured water again to rinse off any remaining soap on her body. I lightly rubbed her skin with a towel at her back. I could feel the places her previous wounds were. It gave me satisfaction to find out that only light scars appeared. Most should probably get erased in due time given how shallow they are.

"Turn around now Rumi"

I then proceeded to massage her front starting from the stomach to her chest area. I looked at her face and noticed that her cheeks are slightly pink and her eyes look away from me.

"Are you embarrassed again Rumi? I thought you got used to bathing with me by now"

"It's just that you massaging… is kinda…" She looked away again

"This will be good for your skin after all we need to wash it properly to remove all the collected dirt since you were covered in bandages"

"Is that so… I've once heard that rubbing the chest area will stimulate growth so I thought…"

"What? No! Why would you think that" I was shocked by her words. Never would I have thought that she would interpret it that way.

"Ah… sorry…I didn't mean to… I mean… looking at your own… I mean… I just thought that you practice that for… so…"

Her words were uttered in pieces but they were enough for me to understand her point. I instinctively covered my own with my arms. I couldn't help but be embarrassed too after what Tsurumi said.

"N-No! That's only superstition probably made by perverts and well endowed women to belittle us. It's a lie, besides no one should be humiliated by their own figure. We all have differences so let's stop talking about this"

"Ye-yes" She straightened her body as reflex. She kept quiet throughout and didn't complain again while we bathed

We finished bathing not too long after that. I wrapped towels around us and stepped out. I feel relieved that Hikigaya isn't around. Now we have the freedom to get dressed in my room instead of using the shower room. We then proceeded to get dressed. I took out clothes from my younger days. Mother insisted to throw them out for I've outgrown them already but I kept them around for nostalgia's sake. The clothes have aged a little but still clean for I constantly took care of it.

"The way I see it you won't need the bandages anymore but to be sure, tell me how do you feel?"

Tsurumi touched parts of her body, rubbing portions of her skin to feel the places where her previous wounds were positioned.

"It feels a little weird to feel the air around my arms and limbs" She flailed her arms around as she answered my question

"Don't worry you'll get used to it"

I looked at her from top to bottom. She was dressed in clothes I've worn in my younger days. I wondered if I once looked like her right now.

* * *

I sat with book in my hand and tea in front of me while Rumi sat near me reading a book on her own. I began to notice Rumi's eyes wander to my direction instead of the book she's reading only to gaze back again at her book. She's been doing this for a while now and has become more frequent by the minute. At last she stood up and approached me.

"Mama let's go out today. I feel a little cramped being here all the time. I know let's call papa to come home early so we can all go out"

"No, not today" If someone recognizes her then it will be a dilemma that I cannot reason with. I won't risk it.

 _Ring… Ring…_

My phone vibrated indicating a call. I looked at the screen to find the expected caller. It was Hikigaya.

"Rumi, excuse me for a moment"

I distanced myself before I accepted the call and held my phone to my ear.

"Hello" He spoke first

"Hello…. What did you find out?" I felt an odd mix of eager and anxious as I'm about to hear the answer.

"I inquired on the front desk about the patients information. I said that I'm somewhat acquainted with the patients as the reason for my visit. I was right; some information is made public for inquiry."

He paused a little, I didn't speak to urge him to continue. I felt cold on my hands and neck, my breathing softened. I can't explain it but I felt tenser than before as we speak

"They are still unconscious. I wanted to see them personally but the hospital directed that only relatives and close friends will be allowed to visit them due to the circumstance of how they were brought in. So if I really insisted I need to provide evidence for the hospital to let me see them for a short time along with an escort to supervise the meeting"

"and their health?"

"Stable they said, though still needs to be on constant watch"

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Tension lifted from my chest. Not exactly the good news I wanted to hear but acceptable considering it could have been far worse.

"That's all I have to report for now" he finished

"Understood, if that's all then you can relax at your home now and have the rest of the day on your own"

"Okay… Hey uhmm… are you sure you don't want me around for tonight. Don't hold back if you need any help" I felt the urge to tease him for he constantly insisted to stay here again but didn't as thanks for his effort

"I'll call you immediately if anything happens, Thank you and goodbye Hikigaya-kun"

"It wasn't much. Bye, Yukinoshita-san"

With that I dropped the call and head back to the living Room. As I sat down I couldn't help but notice Tsurumi's constant look at me.

"Was that papa at the phone?"

"Yes. He was checking in on us"

"When will he be back?"

"Probably tomorrow"

"Eeeeeeeeehhh. Why?"

"I insisted. He could use the time alone away from us and me away from him"

"No. I won't accept that. Won't he be lonely? Call him back. I want him to stay with us tonight" She raised her voice in dissatisfaction and kept insisting upon her father's return.

"Rumi it's only one night, he'll be back tomorrow. Consider our feelings in all of this. We both agreed for him to have time on his own so stop your tantrum at once"

I raised my voice to match hers and stood my ground on the matter. Tsurumi stopped complaining and looked at me sad and dejected.

"Do you understand Rumi?"

She lowered her head unable to continue to meet my eyes and nodded as approval. I don't want to stress her but she needs to understand that she can't have everything and must accept our choices. I felt regret but if this is what it takes to develop her respect and obedience then so be it. This will be for her own good.

 _Ring… Ring…_

I was surprised to see the phone on my hand rang once again. Tsurumi noticed this too and looked up to my phone. I heard her whisper a word in a low tone. _Papa_. Her eyes suggested hope, that Hikigaya might have changed his mind and decided to stay with us again tonight.

"Excuse me again"

I distanced a little and looked at the caller. It was not Hikigaya as we both have suspected however I'd rather wished it was him. I held my phone to my ear to hear what she has to say.

"Hello Yukino-chan" I'm met with a cheerful greeting from none other than my older sister.

"…"

"Ne, Yukino-chan you're suppose to greet back you know"

"Sorry I thought you'd immediately say your purpose and drop the call, so I waited…"

"It's nice to hear you still have high spirits Yukino-chan" She replied in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"It's nice to hear from you again too, nee-san" to be honest _nice_ isn't exactly the word that I felt is appropriate to use but it should suffice

"So how's my little sister doing? Has anything _juicy_ happened lately" her cheerful tone turned sly as she inquired me.

"My condition as well as my surroundings has been normal since the time of your last visit, yes I'm well and fine"

"That's good to hear though are you sure nothing interesting happened lately or what's interesting to me is normal to you now that Hikigaya has spent time in your apartment… oh is he still there right now?"

"No he's not here, is this all you want to talk about?" I felt more relieved knowing that I'm telling the truth at the moment

"Relax I'm only lightening the mood, I called because I have free time for the rest of the day before a busy night I was wondering If you'd like my company right now"

"I decline"

"Come on… you don't have other plans for today right? why don't we go out right now" She insisted

"I have somewhere to go right now so I'm not available"

"How cruel, shot down immediately. Are you going on a date with Hikigaya-kun? My little sister is growing up so fast and moving away from me"

"No I'm not going on a date, next is I have freedom and privacy in anything I want to do and lastly is I'm already away from you" I'm growing a bit impatient by her constant tease but I couldn't help it since it's someone like her that's calling me.

"Sure understood, you know you sound so cute with the way you make excuses. I can't help but be worried about you. But it seems like you already have someone else to lean on. Oh by the way I'm curious so I need to ask…"

"What is it?"

"Has he already… how should I say this… _popped your cherry?_ "

"Good bye nee-san" I disconnected the call and went back.

Upon my return Rumi sat up immediately asked me about my call

"Was it papa?"

"Sorry Rumi it wasn't him"

"Oh" Her expression turned gloomy again upon realizing that it will only be the two of us until tomorrow.

"Listen Rumi" I held her shoulder to grab her attention "As compensation why don't we go out today like you suggested earlier"

"Really?" her eyes alighted changing from their previous state

"Yes, I mean it let's go out for today" The previous argument on why we shouldn't leave the house still holds. But reasons appeared that outweighed the risk. I felt agitated by my sister's potential visit and with this I'll make my reason to deny nee-san's visit true. Also I'm still annoyed by my sister's vulgar words that now I want to go out and cool my head.

* * *

The sun is high and shone brightly all around us. I held Tsurumi's hand as we walk along the sidewalk to our destination. I could see Tsurumi's eyes wander far and wide soaking in her environment. She must be glad to be out and walking again in an open space after being in the apartment for so long. I smiled a little as I stare at her childish awe for things we see every day.

We're headed to the library to pass time for the day. There we could spend our moment in peace without a crowd to deal with. The library is far away from her the neighborhood where someone might potentially recognize her but to be safe I put a hat on her to disguise her from afar.

"Mama look… neko"

I stared at the direction she was pointing to find two white cats. The other one is smaller which I guess is still a kitten so the other would be presumably its parent. They were sitting close to each other on the side of the street.

Tsurumi pulled me towards them. The cats looked at us as we walked closer to them so we slowed down and stopped within a certain distance so as not to scare them.

"Kawaii" she said in a low voice.

We approached closer, careful not to startle them. There wore red collars on their neck. The cats seem to be domesticated and belong to a house nearby.

"Go on try to rub her head" I urged Tsurumi seeing her desire to do so.

She then bent down to gently rub their heads. The cats didn't seem to mind and purred from her touch.

"Gently now" I said as Tsurumi continued to rub the kitten's head. The little kitten closed its eyes enjoying the delight of Tsurumi's gentle massage.

"Nya.. Nyaa…"Tsurumi and the young cat purred in unison as they enjoyed the moment together

The adult held her paw playfully. It seems she wants to join in on the fun. I held my hand out to meet her paw and used my right hand to rub the cat's back streaming its fluffy fur.

"Nya.. Nyaa… Nyaaa…" I can't help but say it as the cat playfully moved below me every time I stroke its back.

We spent only a small time together with our new furry friends but we felt satisfied. We waved goodbye. I held Tsurumi's hand again. We both smiled at each other and then we went on our way again.

We were now in front of our destination. The town library might not be grand nor does it have anything to boast about but it wasn't small and it is said to be maintained with care along with a staff that held their profession with high regard and is friendly to all visitors so long as you keep silent.

We went from shelf to shelf gathering stacks of books. Tsurumi helped me carry them to our table. We began to read leisurely.

As the hours passed we took turns returning and retrieving new sets of books on our table. We had the freedom to venture the library and choose which we wanted to read on our own.

I began to unfold a children's book on my hand. It was filled with stories I once read when I was an age younger than Tsurumi. I don't think Tsurumi would like to read this, I think she's at an age just past fairy tales and cartoons…well except for pan-san but that's different.

As I skim past the pages I stopped when I certain story caught my eyes.

 _It was so terribly cold. Snow was falling, and it was almost dark. Evening came on, the last evening of the year. In the cold and gloom a poor girl little girl, bareheaded and barefoot was walking through the streets. Of course when she had slippers on, but what good had they been? They were very big slipper, way too big for her for they belonged to her mother. The little girl had lost them running across the road, where two carriages had rattled by terribly fast. One slipper she'd not been able to find again and a boy had run run off with the other, saying he could use it very well as a cradle someday when he had children on his own. And so the little girl walked on her naked feet, which were quite red and blue with the cold. In an old apron she carried several packages of matches and she held a box of them in her hand. No one had brought any from her all day long, and no one had given her a cent…_

… _Her hands were almost dead with cold. Oh, how much one little match might warm her! If she could only take one from the box and rub it against the wall and warm her hands…_

I've once read this before. It was a children's story quite different from the rest. A story not born from fantasy but reality.

 _She struck another match against the wall. It burned brightly, and when the light fell upon the wall it became transparent like a thin veil, and she could see through it into a room. On the table a snow-white cloth was spread, and on it stood a shining dinner service. The roast goose steamed gloriously, stuffed with apples and prunes. And what was still better, the goose jumped down from the dish and waddled along the floor with a knife and fork in its breast, right over to the little girl. Then the match went out, and she could see only the thick, cold wall. She lighted another match._

With each passing paragraph I began to remember how the story went. How a little girl struggled against her fate to live in a world that ignored her.

 _"Grandmother!" cried the child. "Oh, take me with you! I know you will disappear when the match is burned out. You will vanish like the warm stove, the wonderful roast goose and the beautiful big Christmas tree!"_

 _And she quickly struck the whole bundle of matches, for she wished to keep her grandmother with her. And the matches burned with such a glow that it became brighter than daylight. Grandmother had never been so grand and beautiful. She took the little girl in her arms, and both of them flew in brightness and joy above the earth, very, very high, and up there was neither cold, nor hunger, nor fear-they were with God._

I think I remember how I felt back then when I read this part. I recall a smile forming in my young face when I saw hope for the little child despite the suffering she kept enduring. But I couldn't do the same now I knew how it would end.

 _But in the corner, leaning against the wall, sat the little girl with red cheeks and smiling mouth, frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. The New Year's sun rose upon a little pathetic figure. The child sat there, stiff and cold, holding the matches, of which one bundle was almost burned._

 _"She wanted to warm herself," the people said. No one imagined what beautiful things she had seen, and how happily she had gone with her old grandmother into the bright New Year._ [1]

Demise covered in bliss. I wonder what was the author thinking when he made this book. Is it really intended for children? Meant to show them a glimpse of our world at a tender age. But to depict her death under the guise of peace, I can't help but call it cruel.

I closed the book and put it down.

"Rumi, it'll be night soon so if you'd like to continue reading we could borro…"

I looked at her seat… but it was empty.

I stood up and looked around but she wasn't in sight anywhere. How long had she been gone? I can't exactly tell but it felt really long since the last time I saw her sat near me. I walked up to a hall between shelves where we previously gathered our recent books. But it was empty as I looked.

"Rumi?" my voice was now a bit louder, tainted with a little worry.

I began to walk all around going from column to column hoping she'll be there just trying to grab a book from a shelf.

"Rumi… Rumi… Rumi…" Every time I say her name was now followed with growing dread.

My pace accelerated. My eyes dart all around yet I still couldn't see any sign of her.

"Rumi, can you hear me?" I only received silence no matter how many times I uttered her name

I now reached the far end of the library. I turned to look at the last column _._

"Rumi!" I said her name louder than any before

"Ssshhhh!" It was a library staff that reprimanded me to keep my voice down.

"Sorry. Uh, Excuse me… by any chance have you seen a child wearing a hat with purple dress come by here"

"Nope, sorry" I felt cold when he said that.

"Oi also no running" I heard him say as I sprint back

I ran to the reception to ask again.

"Excuse me… by any chance have you seen a child wearing a hat with purple dress… she was with me when I entered"

The old librarian looked at me contemplating on what I said. She took her time in constructing a reply

"Hmm… I think I did see a child come pass by me earlier, young lady… she went out the library I believe… maybe an hour or two ago?"

"Thank you" I said in a low tone as I sprint outside.

I left the library and look around but I can't see any hint of her anywhere.

"No" My heart began to sink.

I relied on my eyes hoping to see at least a shadow of her… anything of her.

I ran in directions close to the library, to places where she might have possibly been around. I ran back to places where we passed before, retracing our steps.

I relied on my voice hoping to reach her ears.

"Rumi, are you here?"

"Rumi, answer me if you can hear me"

I relied on others hoping that they might have seen her

"Excuse me have you seen a little girl around… she wore a hat and clothed in purple dress"

But still to no avail.

The sky is dyed red ready to snuff out the remaining light and welcome night fall.

I pant hard. I have never run this long before. I almost gave in on my knees. I'm at my stamina's end. Fatigue culminated my body. Never have I before cursed my vitality until today, how I wished I could still go further and continue to look for her.

Fear gripped my heart. Should I run all the way back to the apartment? Maybe she went back on her own or maybe I should go back to the library? But the library should be close by now… though she might be there right now at the entrance waiting for me so we could go back together.

Desperation seeped into my mind. I held my phone in my hand. Should I call Hikigaya-kun and inform him? But how could he help me right now… Should I call the police now? I'll get questioned no doubt possibly get detained with keeping a missing child as charge. But I wouldn't mind one bit if it means seeing Rumi again.

I felt myriads of emotions that I've never felt before form in my head. How could I have been so careless… so irresponsible? I should have never let any of this happen in the first place. Panic consumed me making it hard to choose one possible solution.

"Don't worry you'll be home soon"

I heard a familiar whisper resound in the air. It was faint but enough to for me to know which direction it came from. I forced by body to walk despite its protest.

I turned from the corner ahead and look at the street to my left and I saw her back… her familiar back walking slowly away from me. I gasped for air before I called her once again

"Rumi!"

She heard and looked back at me.

"Mama…"

She walked towards me as I did the same towards her and we met halfway. I stopped to catch my breath unable yet to say a piece of my mind. She held a white cat on her hands and they both looked at me curiously as I continued to pant.

"Mama, I saw the kitten we met earlier near the library, I called her but she was scared and ran away so I followed and grabbed her, she was lost so I wanted to get her home a…"

I grabbed her shoulders which urged her to stop

"Why… haaa… haaa… Why didn't you tell me… haa… haa… Why didn't you ask for permission? Were you aware of long you were gone. Haa… You had me worried sick running all over in search of you…"

"Mama… I…"

I looked at Tsurumi with eyes fiercely fixated on her own. She anxiously looked at me aware of the hostility in my voice. This must be the first time I raised my voice towards her. My anger is justified. The urge to slap her grew and it wouldn't be wrong for me to do so.

"Eh…"

I've done something she did not expect and neither did I.

I embraced her. I held her small body within my arms, my face rest above her shoulder. The cat jumped from her arms when our bodies collided squeezing it. The little kitten looked at us from the side.

"I'm… I'm so happy that you're safe… I thought I lost you… Rumi"

I tightened my embrace confirming her existence between my arms. As I wrapped myself around I felt the heavy burden containing all negative emotions anger, hatred, resentment, uneasiness lift from my heart leaving me elated in her presence.

"Mama… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry… I'm sorry" She hugged me back and continued to apologize over and over again full of regret on her actions.

With that I removed my hug and look at her with eyes in ease

"If you're truly sorry then promise me…

That you won't leave my sight again, that you'll never disappear from my side without good reason. Promise me this"

"I do. I promise" We held our hands together as a sign to uphold our promise

 _Nyaa… Nyaa_

We turned our head around to see a larger white cat calling.

"It's her parent" Rumi exclaimed

 _Nya. Nya._ The little kitten meowed at the sight of the adult cat. It sprinted quickly in its direction. Once they meet their eyes close as their heads rub with one another. They both purred ecstatic in their meeting.

Beneath the last vestiges of daylight are parents that reunited with their loved ones. I held Rumi's hand as we watch the spectacle unfold. The cats looked at us in what I want to believe to be an act of gratitude. We smiled in reply. With that they scurried along back to their residence in turn we did the same and went on our way back home.

* * *

I laid a feast for both of us to enjoy. Rumi looks at the table in question due to it being more extravagant than our usual dinner.

"Go on and eat, I prepared all of this for my little hero"

"Aren't we being a little to excessive here… besides I didn't do anything heroic really I just thought that it was the right thing to do" She looked away with a slight blush on her cheeks

"Don't be shy you don't want all this to go to waste now do you"

"Well… It's just that I also caused you trouble so I feel that it's unfair to be rewarded like this"

"There's no need to still be burdened with that, I already forgave you"

She continued to look down on her knees. Despite my constant attempts to cheer her up she was still hesitant to accept my little celebration for her.

"Okay, Listen Rumi how about this, since you made a promise to me how about I make a promise to you too"

"A promise?" She looked at me curiously

"I promise to always strive to be a better mother for you"

"Eh? But you're already my mother that I'm proud of"

I shook my head in disagreement

"I'm inexperienced, I can be indifferent to what others feel especially yours, I might not be able to give you want you need, and along the way I might fall down, but despite all this I want to strive harder and be a better mother.

Will you accept my promise?"

"Okay, I accept your promise to be the best mother that no one ever was"

"Best? I feel like you're misinterpreting me. You make it sound like this is a competition"

"Nope, you promised there's no turning back now or are you giving excuses already?"

We both giggled at how the conversation went.

 _Are you doing this out of duty?_ I thought of his words once again from our conversation this morning. I answered poorly. This is more than a mere duty. This is not like any request we received in the service club. I was naïve but now I see it in a new light. I now understand how great the responsibility is.

To be a mother is more than just looking after a child, more than just socializing with them. It takes both a strong mind and heart to raise one. To have the strength to continue forward no matter the burden, to be a good role model as a figure to look up to, to be the light when one loses its way.

I'm willing to learn and achieve all these qualities to step in the role as this little angel's mother.

* * *

 **Author Notes:**

 _Phew_ an extra long chapter that could have been split to two but I decided to make it whole to complete the experience.

Inspiration

 **Wolf Children:** An anime movie about challenges of being a single mother raising her children _which are part wolf_ in a difficult world.

Freedom is an allure for anime's common audience, teenagers. With this comes the common reason why most parental figures are usually not present or have less important roles with the Main character. This is most notable in the action, adventure, fantasy, and romance genre of anime.

Wolf children manage to be a unique anime movie experience which showed me the responsibility and the difficulty it takes to take on a role of being a parent in raising children. This is right up there with studio Ghibli movies. As a teenager back then I was not one bit interested with this but now as I young adult I finally relate to its charm and how amazing this movie was in portraying a mother's struggle. This is one of _the_ core inspirations of this fanfic and also heavily influenced the 2nd act of this chapter.

Q&A

To everyone concerned about the situation regarding Rumi's parents, why aren't they informing the authorities about Rumi, etc. I'm sorry but I can't give a reason without spoiling so I can only leave something vague to satisfy your concerns a little. Here it goes:

 _I'm aware_ of the elephant in the room. What _everyone else is not aware of_ is **why** I'm not addressing it yet.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did, leave a comment to let me know how you feel, constructive criticism is always welcome. Till next time

References

[1] The Little Match Girl _by Hans Christian Andersen_


	6. Chapter 6: Everyday Musing

I once again head over to her apartment that's now becoming a routine by how often I come to that place. Last night was comfortable being alone for once. I almost forgot the peace with only my own as company after a few days of spending time with Yukinoshita and Tsurumi. This is alarming; my loner way of life is at risk because of the recent events.

The rays of the sun shines across my skin but not the scorching type that you feel at midday but the gentle type that warms your body welcoming daybreak. I woke up just in time before the summer heat peaks and turn the roads into a natural sauna. Though I didn't wake up early because I'm eager to see them both again after not sleeping with them for one night. That's not the reason for my early departure but rather a message I received late last night.

In her message she asked me to pick up groceries along the way, attached is a list of ingredients that judging by its length would last her for the following days. Thankfully I managed to get everything in the list in a short time.

I knocked on the door and proceeded inside.

"Welcome home" Tsurumi greeted me. Hearing her greet me like that gave me the sudden urge to say _I'm home_ like what the main character of an anime would usually say when they arrive home.

"You can put down the groceries at the table near you Hikigaya-kun" Yukinoshita said as she saw what I had in hand. I proceeded to do as told.

"Were you able to buy everything I requested?"

"Yes, I bought everything you need"

"Can I have the receipt?"

"Here, you can check that everything you listed is right here" I said after handing her the receipt

"I didn't intend just to use this a checklist. I'm checking the total price so I can pay you the amount" she then went to her room and returned with her wallet counting the amount she would give.

"I refuse. No need to pay me, this would be a good contribution for my part since you're providing your apartment as Rumi's home for now"

"I insist you accept this Hikigaya-kun I feel like I'd be sort of indebted to you if I take the groceries for free"

"Let's compromise then. Let's split the bill in half if, that way we can both get what we want, do you agree?"

I don't like a long argument to stem from this like before so I'd go with a method that would appease us both.

"Sure"

Rumi volunteered to organize the groceries I brought so I took a max coffee instead and sit at the sofa to relax. When I bought these cans I saw a promo attached where you can win various prices if the code attached is the same as one of the codes for a prize on their website. Though I don't mind winning, I'm not hopeful I would win with anything like these. Well at least the drink is great

"We would still have a lot of supplies if mama hadn't been too extravagant last night"

Last night?

"What do you mean by that Rumi?"

"Mama prepared an excessive dinner last night we went back home from the library. Oh the visit to the library was fun. We come across nekos on the way and I got to pet them but one of them got lost while we were at the library so I had to carry her back. Mama got worried and run after me after she thought she'd have lost me. But by the end of the day the entire trip was enjoyable"

"Is that so?" I faced Yukinoshita after hearing that.

"I'd like to hear your story Yukinoshita, Would you mind elaborating the events" With how I said that she probably would have guessed my intention. She's the type who would know the risks involved so I'm curious about why did she allow any of those to happen.

"It was a linear to and fro journey to the library. I don't have anything to add to that."

"How about the part where you apparently _lost_ Rumi?" I emphasized

"I admit that we experienced trouble due to my carelessness. However it was an experience we didn't asked but needed to have anyway. Rumi got to see the outdoors again after staying in my apartment for days and I learned the extent of my responsibilities firsthand"

"Papa stop bullying mama. She didn't do anything wrong it was me who didn't ask for permission so blame me instead"

"I'm not scolding anyone Rumi. I'm only checking if everyone reflected on the events"

It's already done so there's no need for me to make an issue.

I continued to finish my drink.

* * *

Everyday life has began to mimic each other. Each day has become a routine for the three of us in this apartment. I go out to buy things we need, inquire about Rumi's parents from time to time, and visit my family every once in a while… that sounded weird in my head like I have an overseas job. Yukinoshita spends most of her time similar to our time at the request club, reading, studying or browsing the web. I once caught her watching videos about cats while hugging a pan-san stuffed toy but I didn't talk to her about it for fear of my safety. Rumi… spends her time in a similar way to Yukinoshita except the part where she acts like our child but we got used to it eventually that we now react at how she addresses us by instinct. I've always wondered when we should directly address that issue. I can't help but feel like she addresses us as her parents to compensate what she lost. Rumi has been reserved towards us lately so in time she's eventually accept reality… I hope.

I took out a can on my favorite drink and notice the code attached. I looked it up and see that I've won. A glimmer of luck must have accidentally fallen to my side. It looks like Max coffee has noticed my love for it after all these years and returned my feelings. I check to see which of the prizes matched my own and… It's three all-you-can-ride one day exclusive tickets to Destiny land

* * *

We all woke up exceptionally early today. Dawn has barely broken the dark streak across sky, even Tsurumi who usually wakes up a lot later than us nowadays have raised right after we did. We urged her to sleep again to get the rest proportionate to her age but she refused claiming she's wide awake now.

Yukinoshita volunteered to prepare breakfast today. Though a bit too early for our usual time for one we all agreed without any qualms to start the day this early.

I went to the fridge to grab one of my canned beverages and sat on the sofa to relax while breakfast is being prepared. As I open the can I noticed Tsurumi staring at me or more precisely what I'm holding.

"You can grab one in the fridge if you want"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Go ahead"

Tsurumi went to the fridge and got one for own upon my permission. She sat down next to me, opened her can and drank. I continued to look at her to see her reaction. After a sip, she paused for a while looking at the can.

"Was that your first time drinking Max coffee?"

"Mmm". She nodded in affirmation

"I was curious why you always drink this so I decided to have one right now" she continued

"How was it?"

"Well" she pause to ponder an answer

"I like it… It tastes great" I'm happy to hear that she liked it.

"I thought it would be bitter because it's coffee"

"Yes, I prefer it that way."

"However if it's suppose to be coffee why do you like it sweet. Isn't it a bit unusual?"

"Life is too bitter, so coffee, at least, should be sweet…"

"Is that so? I suppose you're right" She contained a giggle after hearing my reply

I could hear a chopping noise echo from the kitchen; she must be preparing a dish involving vegetables. We continued to sit leisurely at the couch enjoying our drinks. Speaking of Max Coffee I do remember getting those tickets as a promo reward. I think now would be a good time to bring this up. Might as well invite them and go together than let this be a waste.

"Ne, Rumi didn't you once went out with Yukinoshita before?"

"Yes, we went to the library"

"You enjoyed your time outside am I right?"

"Yes, It was nice to breathe the fresh air and bask in the sun outdoors again"

"I guess you enjoyed the company with Yukinoshita too"

"I did, she allowed me to pet neko-chan along the way"

"I see, so you'd like to go out again like that someday"

She nodded

"I'd like to have fun with mama again. Like go out or bathe again together"

"Just the two of you?"

"Hmm. " She looked at me with puzzled eyes

"Don't I have a place there somewhere?"

She continued to stare at me.

"I mean… after all it's only you and Yukinoshita whose always together while the three of us have never done anything together"

"Okay, understood then" she then run off towards the kitchen

"Hey wait!"

She ignored my order and continued to run to the kitchen. I could assume that she understood my comment as a request for the three of us to go out together. I was only stating our current status quo and didn't mean it as complaint. Well I suppose that in a way one could misinterpret my opinion given the wording so she's not completely at fault and besides I don't want to clear a minor misunderstanding by catching her so early in the morning when some of my body parts refuses to be active until an hour later so I guess I'll let her off this time.

I then continued to relax on the sofa and continued to drink my own Max coffee.

"Mama, papa said that he wanted to bathe together with us. I think he's a bit jealous that sometimes we get to have a shower with only the two of us" Tsurumi announced loudly to Yukinoshita

"Pfuuuiuiuughh… _cough_ … _cough_ …aghgh… _cough_ …" I spat out the drink currently flowing through my throat when I heard that outrageous request.

My head held down as droplets of my drinks splash to the floor. I formed a fist to pound on my chest and cough constantly to clear my throat of any excess fluids that might have gotten to my lungs.

"Mama?"

I heard Tsurumi's voice near the room. I could feel a terrible change that descended upon the space. I felt the air drop down a few degrees leaving a cold aura suffocating around me. As I look down and my cough decreased I speculated only one reason on how this dreadful feeling suddenly formed… the sound of chopping vegetables had stopped.

I slowly look up to confirm my fear. From the kitchen I saw Tsurumi looking quizzically at what lies ahead of my direction. It what appears to be a figure which had the shape of a woman's body whose face that looked down is covered with bangs hiding the features and hair that should have flown to her back now covers her front. It stood straight like a statue which unnerved me from its lack of motion.

I continued to look at it from top to bottom with my eyes wide open. My eyes stopped and glued to what she held, a knife.

" _Hi… ki… ga… ya…"_ the Ice queen uttered in a low spiteful voice

I stood my ground and held my head high. I'm innocent and honest so I had nothing to run away from. I gathered my courage and talked in a firm and calm voice to dispel the horror in front.

"No, I never said anything like that nor did I imply that kind of idea. Do you honestly think I'm the type of person who would bluntly say something like that?"

Its body remained motionless after I reasoned with it. It lifted its head in a stiff slow motion. What it had in its face was skin flawless and white. It held a tender smile. It was the same face that I've known and always seen these past few days, that of Yukinoshita Yukino but the resemblance only felt like a shadow of herself from earlier this morning. Her eyes looked at me straight. It was akin to an ocean, deep, blue but not serene as I use to see. It felt like it was… empty.

"I see… I understand" she proclaimed in calm tone

I felt relief with what she said. Of course she was still the same Yukinoshita I know who would listen to reason. She did not let her bias opinion of me get in the way of distinguishing this mistake. I can't believe I felt paranoid for this stupid misunderstanding.

"I understand your desire to satisfy your needs"

Eh?

"To be able to stay in a woman's apartment and have both her and a little girl all to yourself"

"Wrong, I did not ask for any of this. Didn't I tell you before that I'd rather not trouble you being he…"

She took a step forward. I took a step back

"To be able to sleep on the same bed and gaze at their defenseless forms in their pajamas"

"I only did that for Rumi's sake. I never looked at you or her like that. I always turn my back away an…"

She took another step forward, I took another step back

"I won't despise you for this. After all it's only natural. It's what any boy of your age would desire to have: A feast for your eyes only"

"Are you even listening to yourself right now? "

She walked to me closer. I couldn't walk back anymore as the couch is right behind me forcing me to sit again.

"But it wasn't enough. You desired for more. You wanted to bathe with us. You wanted to see all of it"

I dare not raise my voice again for fear of what she might do on impulse. At this distance now I could see the knife glint.

"To be able to experience all this… It must be a dream come true"

That's it… I'm sure that she's gone off the deep end. If I run for it now I might be able to dodge the knife if she swings. But I made a mistake. I looked at her face to see her near me. Her close distance froze me in position. Her eyes locked to my own, a piercing gaze devoid of compassion.

" _Too bad… I'll wake you up now"_

* * *

We were together at the dining area having breakfast. I wanted to enjoy this moment but I can't help but feel otherwise. I became a victim to an unjustly accusation in the form of an unfair event just moments ago. From experience with anime and light novels, one might have expected a Romantic Comedy scenario from that flag but instead I got a Romantic Horror experience. Is that even a thing?

I put my utensils down.

" _Ehem"_ I voiced with intent

No reaction from everyone

" _Ehem… ehem"_ I exclaimed louder to capture their attention.

"Stop wasting your time with meaningless formalities and say what you want to, Hikigaya" Yukinoshita immediately replied

"I'm only trying to make sure I have everyone's attention so it won't lead to another meltdown from someone here"

Yukinoshita then set aside her utensils.

"You deserved every bit of that sermon. You have been very lax and too comfortable with your stay lately. That will keep you in line and remind you not to do anything perverted in my home"

"By threatening me? Some fine logic you have there. You should run in politics you'd be a role model there"

"I did not threaten your well being"

"You were holding a knife!"

"I did not swing it nor did I point it at you. I was only holding it for self defense in case you snap and let out your inner animal"

"Hmph. Acting out of character, like something from a horror movie. All that to teach me a lesson… sure good job then" I scoffed not convinced.

"Hahahaha… hahaha…." Rumi kept covering her mouth to barely contain her laugh

"I'm sorry I just remembered papa's face earlier… He looked so funny being scared"

"Rumi there's nothing funny with what happened earlier. You might encourage your mother's erratic behavior. Besides none of this should have happened if you didn't say something like that. Be considerate so there won't be misunderstanding like this again" I scolded her lightly

"Yes, I'm sorry papa" Tsurumi looked at me with a smile. She looked sincere in her apology.

"Well at least you understand your mistake unlike someone here." I looked at Yukinoshita's direction

"O hush Hikigaya, no need to be so sour about it.

There's no harm done and it gave the result I wanted. You're not one to get worked up too much on something like that or maybe you're too embarrassed with yourself so you try hard to deny and blame someone for your lack of courage"

"You didn't need to go that far just to teach me a lesson I don't need"

"Tell me did you think like this when you planned to scare the girl's that bullied our Rumi to break their relationship back at camp. No, you believe that the end justifies the means.

For someone who thinks of grand unethical solutions to our past requests you sure don't like it when you're on the receiving end"

"Poor comparison. This and that time had different purpose, different motivation, and different circumstances. Also I did it for Rumi's sake not mine"

"and you think I didn't? I did it for both our sakes"

"You can't just punish people without committing the crime first, let alone not even close to do one and be unjustly judged for it"

"You're father just doesn't like to lose, right Rumi"

"Mmm" Rumi nodded

Yukinoshita and Tsurumi looked at each other and smiled in agreement,

" _Sigh_ … I can't believe a simple invitation escalated to this"

"Invitation?" They curiously said

"I only wanted to invite you both to Destiny Land. I won a promo before and it would be a waste not to use it so I thought we could all go today since it's still early."

I proceeded to show them the 3 tickets.

"Won't there be a lot of people today. It might be inconvenient for us to go" The little girl shyly said. I didn't expect for Rumi to be the first one against the idea but I guess she might just be introverted from a crowd. I know Yukinoshita doesn't like too much stress from the rides and mass of people so I guess this won't do.

"I see I guess I'll just give this away or go with my family someday then"

"I'm not against the idea if everyone wants to go…" Rumi immediately interjected after me

"You don't need to force yourself if you don't want to" I replied

"Rumi , for now don't mind our opinion and answer only for yourself. Do you want to go?" Yukinoshita finally spoke

Rumi didn't answer but only looked down and nodded for affirmation.

"I suppose it's still early so we could quickly prepare and head over."

"Are you okay with this?" I asked Yukinoshita

"I am"

"Really? How about you papa?"

I nod. It's decided then, onto destiny land.

* * *

 **Author's notes:**

Updates _might_ not be weekly for now. My job has been demanding lately. My life recently is wake up, go to work, go back home, sleep and repeat process... Oh well at least I still have weekends for myself. I'll do my best to manage my time and include making the next chapter in my day to day life.

Thanks for reading this chapter and leave a comment if you feel like it. Till next time


	7. Chapter 7: Destiny and Dreams

"Are you two ready yet?"

I asked while waiting in the living room. It didn't take long for me to prepare for our trip today. It's a bit longer wait than the usual for their preparation.

"Just a little more" Yukinoshita replied. I could hear a constant ruffle of clothes from the bedroom

The bedroom door swung open revealing the girls I see everyday dressed for a special occasion.

"How do we look papa?"

She wore a red dress with a frilly design that suited her age and a white straw hat to top it all. Judging by the cover of clothing I guess Yukinoshita considered the chances of someone recognizing Rumi. It can't be helped for even if the possibility is minimal we should not take any chances. Inconvenience would be an understatement if that were to happen and would turn this day into a sudden 180. Aside from that it was also practical for the purpose of protecting her young face from the heat.

Yukinoshita's appearance on the other hand is quite similar to back when we were shopping for a gift for Yuigahama's birthday. The satin folds of the dress embraced her figure following her curves and the darker color theme complemented her ivory skin. Her black hair hung proportional as it was tied in a twin ponytail fashion. This is the second time I've seen her tie her hair like that and to be honest I did sort of missed seeing her appear like that again.

"Hmmmm… We're waiting for an answer" Rumi, sounding impatient, continued to inquire.

"F-Fine. I guess you both look great" I looked away instinctively as I'm not used to give compliments to others so casually.

"Mama did you hear that papa praised us." Rumi turned to Yukinoshita and smiled upon hearing my reply.

"Okay-okay ,There's no need to be flustered about it" Yukinoshita commented while looking away. You know you would be more convincing if you didn't act exactly like the opposite of your claim. Is melting to this extent the full effect of Rumification on you?

"Eh-ehem… so are we ready then?" I asked to gather their attention and skip the awkward situation.

"Yes, ready" Rumi replied

"I'm prepared. I have all the necessary belongi…"

 _Ring… Ring…_

Her phone interrupted her.

"One moment please" she replied and distance a little bit away from us. It didn't take long before she returned.

"Sorry it was a minor disturbance from my sister, shall we go now" her tone was tinged with minor irritancy. I'm not one to pry with other people's business so I didn't inquire about it.

With everyone ready we went on our way.

* * *

Come, Hear my voice, we welcome you in our land

Witness our haven ever so grand

Feast upon the banquet on our booth

Be careful for it might get stuck on your tooth

Wipe your frown and put a smile on your face

For you'll always have a place in our space

See the dancers perform in their prime

I promise that you'll have a good time

A rhyme echoes from the entrance as we made our way in.

There are booths filled with prizes so peculiar you'd desire one for yourself. The games vary having a gimmick for each one to entice potential customers not to mention a host so eager to call you and let you have a try for the right price of course. In the next line of stalls the smell of popcorn, cotton candy, peanuts and other various foods mixes in the air as you pass by each establishment.

All around are sights to tantalize your eyes, colored light flickered with hypnotic rhythm that would charm your inner child. The designs had a magical theme to them that complemented the park from the amusement rides, the stalls to the attire of the staff and performers.

The streets are lined with costumed performers dancing exceptionally while audiences at the sides cheer their hearts out for the spectacle before them. You can hear the sound of children's laughter and murmur of families and friends spread through the air along with musical notes chime from the instruments.

A place design to spread joy to seduce anyone and everyone away from the monotone of life and welcome you in an enchanting dream to fill you in a special kind of feeling…

 **Fantasy Destiny Land Dreams**

We walk together with Rumi positioned between us. We both held her hand as we stride across the amusement park careful not to lose her in this crowded place. It looks like going in early had little effect for this place is already packed by this time. We looked out to see if there's a less crowded ride so we can have our turn as soon as possible.

"Papa, mama where should we go first"

"Rumi keep your voice down when calling us, understand?"

"Hmm?" Rumi was puzzled with Yukinoshita's reply

I can't blame her though. Every time rumi addresses us as her parents I could feel some looks linger at us. I heard a comment earlier about how young we look like despite having a child on primary-school age already or how cute that we spent the time with our child on this amusement park. Honestly I don't care about other people's opinion about me but if it's teasing us about how we're like a young married couple then I'd rather avoid the embarrassing stares.

It took us a long time to find an amusement ride that we'd all agree with to ride. Some of the rides have height requirements which irritated Rumi, while some of the other rides like the newly built monster roller coaster are too intense for some of my party members namely Yukinoshita.

 **Merry-Go-Round**

"Why don't you ride that one Rumi" Yukinoshita offered.

It wasn't the regular merry go round that was near the middle of the park. This one was less grand than the main attraction and was designed for kids only as the mounts are custom sized for children.

"I'm not interested" Rumi replied in a low tone and looked away.

"That ones for kids"

"You are a kid in terms of age. Are you in denial?" I retorted

"Are you sure you don't want to?" Yukinoshita inquired one more time

She didn't move from her spot and spoke no further

"We won't force you if you don't really want to, let's go then" Yukinoshita said then we walked away. Before the ride is out of our sight I noticed that Rumi kept glancing back at the Merry-go-Round. I began to understand the situation along with what her excuse might have meant earlier.

"You must have hated your prior experience with carousels to avoid it like that"

"Huh? Well no… actually I haven't ridden one before" Rumi looked away quickly so I won't notice that she was stealing glances at the ride when I talked to her

"Then why are you prejudiced about trying it?"

"I… well…I'm just not comfortable to go alone just because I'm the child"

"Rumi, are you making excuses to us… or to yourself?"

"Eh? No… its not like that… I mean what about you two?"

I knew it. It's not that Rumi thinks that the ride is below her because it panders to a specific age but she felt that it would be unfair to be the only one to experience joy in a ride while the two of us wait for her. She must have been aware that about this so she adamantly tried to deny her feelings for our sake.

Yukinoshita picked up on the situation and chimed in on our conversation

"Rumi we'll be perfectly fine to wait for you here. Have fun for your sake okay?"

"We went here to enjoy the rides together. It doesn't feel right for me to go alone" Rumi said as she continued to look down.

It's a bit uncommon for a child to be selfless like that which made me respect her a lot more. However this is not the right circumstance for that behavior. We wouldn't normally insist on her to try things she's not comfortable with but this time that wasn't the case as it was us who held her back. So we reasoned with her to try it at least once.

"Rumi you can't expect all of us to experience the same level of happiness based on trying the rides all together. I understand that you have good intentions and you are only looking out for us too but we'll be just as happy to watch you in the sidelines. So go ahead… try the carousel"

She eventually agreed.

The music started slowly when the ride began and seems to rise in tempo as time passed. The machine revolved around while the stallions and unicorns jump inside. Lights and colors blend with the next one for every rotation.

We would anticipate Rumi for every revolution. Yukinoshita would take pictures of her every time she was in front of us. She didn't looked any different for every one of them but I gradually I saw a subtle change on her feature on the last ones. She was smiling

* * *

We rested in a bench after waiting in lines and going from ride to ride trying to maximize our time together here. After a brief time we then proceeded to find our next amusement ride to try. Rumi noticed one and pointed it for us to try next

"How about that one"

 **The Tunnel of Love**

We stood there reading the sign filled with hearts and cupids. Captions like 'Let the love begin' and 'Have this moment to treasure for eternity' littered across it trying to bait its target participants.

The line composed of obvious couples with their arms or hands linked with one another. Their eyes are locked with each other with sweet sickening affection that will kill onlookers with diabetes.

"How about it?" Rumi tugged are hands to grab our attention. We looked at her and gave a humble answer.

"No" We both replied in sync

"But why? it has a short line, it looks like it doesn't have a height requirement and the ride is gentle and…"

"No" we replied again in sync with our hands pulling Rumi away from the ride

* * *

I managed to get separated from them both because the line for the ride is too crowded and most of the passerby were unruly. I caught up to them but before I could walk forward a staff member suddenly cut me off.

"I'm sorry sir but the number of passenger for this ride is full. Please wait for the next one"

Both Yukinoshita and Rumi looked back at me with concern but I urged them to carry on without me for now. They were a bit hesitant but proceeded once I distanced myself. I already told Rumi that it's futile to achieve the same amount of happiness for all of us so she should understand.

I lost the motivation to go to the ride so I walked away from the line and tried to look around to see something that would entertain me while I wait for them.

Now that you see everything is clear

Don't hold back and let out your cheer

We'll lift the sadness from its guise

Now wipe those tears off your eyes

Watch the games and see their ploy

Now admit it this is something you enjoy

Oh tis a sight to hear you laugh out loud

It makes us happy and be so proud

I heard again the rhyme from earlier echo somewhere near me

One way or another I ended up on a place that looked like the backstage of some show. I must have unconsciously come here to avoid the crowd and the noise for a while. Not long after somebody stepped outside and looked at me. He was a middle aged man that looked tired.

"There you are. We've been looking everywhere for you"

"Pardon?" He then grabbed me

"Can you imagine the stress you put us into…? Well come on hurry up. Let's go now" his hold tightened as he pulled me inside.

"What are you doing? Stop!" I spoke louder trying to convince the staff to stop pulling me further until I was inside the room. After I was dragged along inside against my will more staff members immediately crowded all around me.

"Well it's about time!"

"Everyone now hurry. Get him ready!"

"Huh? What's going on here? ... Get away from me!" My reply might as well fell on deaf ears as nobody heeded my words with any attention and they proceeded to do whatever they're doing.

They grabbed my arms and legs to keep me from squirming around. They placed me inside something furry despite my protests. I couldn't describe what exactly they put me in but it felt hot inside and it was covered with a fuzzy exterior. Before I could examine more, suddenly the room darkened as something was placed on top of my head that covered my line of sight. I'm not claustrophobic but this was a good reason to suddenly become one. I couldn't help but breathe heavily.

"Can you move your limbs? Try turning your head."

"Can you breathe properly?"

"Are you comfortable? Well… You look like you're having a tough time but still try to endure okay"

I was bombarded with one question after another by the staff that was dressing me. My head was jumbled and their questions added more to my confusion. I managed to see a mirror and was surprised to see a familiar panda… _Oh no…_

"I gave her the signal. Everyone get in position now"

"That's your cue. Go get em boy"

He then proceeded to push me towards the curtains at our side earlier. I now noticed that there's a commotion outside that I must have ignored earlier.

"Boys and Girls of all ages the time has come…He's finally here…. are you reeadeeaaay?"

"Yeeeeesss!"

Beyond the curtain in front of me I heard a female announcer speaking in a microphone followed by a loud cheer from young voices. I felt a shudder as I was forced to walk towards the curtains. I tried to resist physically as hard as I could but moving in this suit restrained me.

"Please… listen to me… You've got the wrong guy" I pleaded to the staff as my last act of desperation

"Stop fussing already. You're already late now go"

With one final push the guy directly behind me shoved me out.

My hands instinctively covered the front of my face against the light concentrated on me upon my entrance. It was very bright despite the translucent cover of the headpiece I wore.

"Huuurrraaaayyyy"

As I lower my hands after adjusting to the brightness I was greeted with a loud cheer from a crowd of small children. I stood there dumbfounded by the sight and felt as if I've fallen into a wonderland filled with panda themed designs and children. The sea of lively little kids immediately swarmed all around me.

"Pan-san… It's really you…"

"What took you so long? I've been waiting for soo…."

"Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san! Pan-san!"

Their shrieks overlapped making it hard to listen and speak out. The parents in the distance laughed at the sight while some took pictures. The kids closest to me held me. I was hugged from all around. I got pushed, pulled, grabbed, by everyone in different directions which made it hard to balance and almost made me fall.

"Calm down everyone… Calm down…" The lady in a bamboo themed dress tried to control the situation but to little effect.

I spun around as a result from all commotion. As I turn, I saw a sign for this event.

No… This can't be happening…

The final piece of the puzzle lined with the rest that confirmed my suspicion that I dreadfully hoped was wrong… Honestly how do I get into situations like this…

 **The Pan-san meet and greet event**

The sign designed with bamboo-like sticks said.

After what felt like an eternity of purgatory specially designed for me to cleanse me of my sins, the staff finally managed to organize the mess and proceed with the event. They made me sit down in my bamboo throne. The kids lined up and proceeded to come at me one at a time. The lady announcer from earlier stayed by my side to escort the kids towards me. She would then proceed to take pictures and offer to the family or friends if they didn't come prepared. Her acts and mannerisms kind of remind me of Yui. It's a bit funny now that I thought of that.

Some parents would take tons of pictures with their child in various angles and poses. The more cruel ones would force me to pose along their precious child. Saying no to their ridiculous request was a luxury taken away from me. My dignity was chipped piece by piece every time I conform to this. The madness my position caused sucked away my strength to plea and escape. But I swear to kami-sama if anyone orders me to dance I will retreat my head into the costume's body and pull pan-san's head from its body making this meet and greet the headless Pan-san an event they'll never forget.

"Thank you for coming, have a great time in the park and hope to see you again" My assistant said to the kid that from my lap earlier.

"Bye bye Pan-san, bye Onee-chan" The kid waved to us before holding his parent's hands and walk away from us with a smile.

The next one then came forward and sat in my lap. This one kept looking down while the parent urged him to step forward earlier. I looked at his demeanor and he looked a bit stiff like he doesn't want to be here.

"You don't need to force yourself. If you don't like it"

"Eh?" The kid looked at me after I said that.

"I said you don't have to come here if you're against this"

"Uh…really?..." the little kid timidly replied

I nodded

"But it's my mom she keeps telling me to do this to have fun… but I just don't feel it… but she keeps telling me I'd eventually have fun and… and…"

"Then tell her an alternative where you will. She keeps on bugging you because she only wants to see you happy and not because she wants to see you in this embarrassing event. It's better that way rather than faking a smile just to please her"

"O-okay" the child nodded and ran off

"Eh wait where are you going?" The kid ran past my assistant who returned after waving and entertaining some of the guests to endorse this event. She was surprised to see him run off without even taking a picture.

"Why did he suddenly run off?" She inquired to me

"I gave him an advice that he followed instantly" I said to her

"An advice?" Before she could ask further the next child was already onto me.

"Pan–san pan-san" the kid hugged me right after sitting on my lap.

"I'm so happy to see you. I thought you might not appear today…" The little girl continued to talk swiftly. Her eyes were moist as she held me

"There there little girl you're here now and that's what matters" my assistant told the child in a comforting tone.

"I -I'm sorry… it's just that some my classmates earlier teased me continuously for trying to go here... I invited them to come together with me but instead they laughed at me and called me names. So I had to go alone… but then you weren't here when I arrived. I waited so long. I was scared that you won't show up at all… so… so…"

"Don't cry anymore I'm sure they don't mean it. I'm sure you can be great friends with them if you..."

"No, avoid them they're not worth it"

"Eh?" My answer surprised the assistant.

"Don't bother to befriend them, they are only some of your classmates. They share the same room as yours for half a day to receive the same education and then after middle school you'll probably never see and hear from them again. "

They looked at me listening attentively. The bamboo girl more so because of how jaded my advice was.

"If you really want friends then I suppose you could find someone that shares some common interests with you. But you're better off as a loner if an activity is the only excuse you can come up with to spend time together. That way you'd avoid the trouble of keeping appearances for them and train to not be dependent on other people in order to have a good time."

"I see. Thank you for the advice Pan-san" The girl then proceeded to hop off now that her time is done. I noticed all the while my lovely assistant has her mouth partially open in shock of what I said.

"You know a fly might enter your mouth if you keep it open like that" I remark snapping her from her trance.

"No… that's not right… Why… Why did you say something so negative to a little child?" she protested at me

"It's good advice. It might not make her a loner but she at least would choose more wisely who to spend time with"

She then proceeded to whine about me while I ignored her throughout. I then waved to signal the last kid to step forward and get this over with.

The next child look troubled while he timidly walked towards us. He looked around as if confirming that it is indeed his turn.

"He-hello. Can I sit in your lap" At least he has more manners than the earlier ones that clung on to me. After I nod he then proceeded to sit on my lap. He looked a bit tense. His hands are holding each other and his eyes can't seem to agree on whether to look away from me or continue to stare as they dodge my direction despite stealing glances from time to time.

"What's wrong" The lady assistant asked

"Well… It's just that my friends all agreed that we should go on this ride earlier however I didn't like it. They tried to convince me to join them and they said it will be fun but it's just that I really really didn't want to. They're nice and all but after the ride they all talked about how fun it is and that I should have gone along with them. I know I don't regret not going with them but this had me thinking… I'm not sure if I did the right thing or not"

"Listen kid…"

The assistant looked at me with a glare that means I better say something inspiring or else.

"The important thing is to take part."

My assistant then breathed in relief upon hearing an agreeable answer coming from me.

"However if the most important thing is to take part, then surely one could find meaning in not taking part as well. And if everything's worth experiencing, then there's little doubt that the feeling of not experiencing something is, in it, worth experiencing. In fact, you could even call it a valuable experience to not experience something everyone else does."

"What! No he doesn't really mean that..." the Yui-clone tried to deny me and convince the child otherwise

"Listen to Pan-san little child I assure you that you're better off with my advice. Now shouldn't my assistant capture this moment with a photograph"

She looked like she wanted to complain more but instead reluctantly took a picture of us. The kid then hopped off, bowed with respect and proceeded to walk away. Now that the last child was gone my assistant then stepped in front of me.

"That's it… I'm reporting you to the manager" she then scurried off

I'm fine with that. I shouldn't have been here anyway. I then tried to remove the mascot head.

"Mama look its Pan-san"

"Wait… Rumi"

I stopped when I heard familiar voices. I turned around and saw them heading towards me. It was Rumi and Yukinoshita. There's a bit of a distance between the two with Yukinoshita behind Rumi because of all the Pan-san merchandise she's holding that they must have bought together at the Pan Corner Souvenir Shop.

What should I do? I wonder which choice will have no consequence. Should I just take off this headgear and explain to them how this happened or should I keep acting for now, finish the role, and never speak of this again.

Before I could come up with a decision Rumi hopped and sat on my lap.

" Pan-san mascot sir I have a question to ask"

"Hmm… mmm.. ehmmm" I nodded my head and gurgled incomprehensible noise that sounded far off from what I want, a panda noise, and ended up sounding like a morning grunt. I urged her to continue.

"It's about my father have you seen him? He has a half decent look, black hair with a single ahoge and rotten eyes"

I nodded left and right meaning no. Also is that the best you could do to describe me? I know it's not wrong but you could at least embellish it better than that.

"We got separated a while ago after being cut off from the line of a ride but after the ride we couldn't see him anywhere. My mother said that he probably just wandered off somewhere and would contact us eventually with his phone but I'm still worried" she paused for a little before continuing. Near us Yukinoshita now had her camera up ready to take pictures.

"maybe papa prefers to be alone… away from us"

"It's true that he does prefer to be alone but not in this case. He only got himself into another situation while waiting for you two. Besides it would look conceited if the guy that invited you to come to this place would avoid you right after"

I then removed my headwear partially to reveal my face to Rumi

"Papa!"

"Hi… Hikigaya-kun" I saw the flash from the camera while she uttered my name in shock

Then right on cue my assistant came back with a guy most likely the manager.

* * *

After clearing the misunderstanding we finally went on our way to continue our journey in the amusement park. I noticed that Yukinoshita is trailing a bit behind us.

"I could carry that bag for you if you want"

"Hmph. Haven't you had enough in desecrating pan-san's image. No I don't want you anywhere near these" Yukinoshita hugged the bag full of pan-san merchandise to deny my offer.

"You weren't there to know what I've been through. Instead of hating me you should give me merit for taking a moment to help them out made sure the event started at all."

"Then what about the part where you had a moment for every kid. I heard you taught them your usual flawed cynical advices. I shudder at the thought that one of them might eventually become like you"

"Those kids enjoyed their time with me and some learned valuable lessons"

"The lady host of the event didn't agree with that. If you take her word in account then you dishonored pan-san's image with your rotten attitude"

"She just has conflicting principles with mine. If you're going to be critical then remember that not a single child complained and the staff was grateful in the end after the mistake they made"

"That's right papa was only helping them out. That event was saved because he was there to be pan-san"

What's this? Rumi is actually on my side for once. Now I can say for sure that I'm proud to have you as my daughter

"I still won't accept that. You still could have gotten out of that situation a lot earlier if you wanted but instead you opted to use pan-san's image to promote your twisted logic. I can sort of understand your secret desire to become pan-san but your looks and attitude is nowhere near as charming"

"No I don't have a desire be a toy panda and I doubt anyone actually wants to" Though I did once write an essay that I'd rather be reincarnated as a bear but that's different. I want to be an actual bear not a stuff toy merchandise used to entertain children and one teenage girl in front of me. I walked faster to increase our pace.

"If you look at it then I think papa looks like pan-san. They already have the same eyes"

"No they're not the same" Yukinoshita denied

"I understand now. You adore papa's looks because he reminds you of pan-san's appearance right?"

"Eh! No I'm telling you they don't resemble each other, not one bit. He is nowhere near as adorable as pan-san"

I managed to see a our next ride while managing it ignore the cringey conversation they are having.

"Hurry up you two we're almost at Universe mountain"

I tried to hold Rumi's hand while we went on our way to the mountain ride but the hand I held felt a bit larger than normal. I looked back to see that it wasn't Rumi's hand I held but Yukinoshita's. She had a flushed expression on her face staring directly at our entangled hands unable to speak properly.

"Hikki…"

I let go immediately.

"Sorry" I apologized in a low tone

She looked away embarrassed

"Mama papa hurry up" I looked back and saw that Rumi had already gone ahead of us. We complied and didn't speak anymore of the incident that just happened

* * *

 **Universe Mountain**

The Universe Mountain attraction is one of the most massive rides in Destiny land. The outside appearance is structured to appear like an actual mountain with a cave like opening as entrance. Inside is a large expanse to accommodate a huge number of people. The air is cold inside and the walls appear to be coated with an ice-like cover to emulate a winter mountain theme which makes this popular in summer season.

The carriages are driven in a pathway filled with water to for a river ride experience. Though they are only designed only for two passengers, the staff at the entrance allowed to us ride altogether since Rumi is still a minor and doesn't take up to much space and weight for there to be a safety issue. We went inside and lined up.

"Does this ride still bother you?"

"No. It doesn't bother me"

"Are you sure? You don't really handle these things well"

"I'm fine"

"Will you go with us?" Rumi asked in concern after hearing our conversation

"Well, a long time ago, my sister would always mess with me when it came to places like this but I'm over that now Rumi after all you're here with us"

Rumi smiled upon hearing that.

While we waited in line I took out my phone to check the time but greeted me was something unexpected. There were several missed calls and unread text messages from Yukinoshita. This is probably the most number of messages and calls combined in one time that I received from someone other than my family... It looked like she was somewhat concerned at my disappearance by judging the construction of the messages or is it only my imagination?

It was our turn next. The carriage was designed to look like floating glacier. After we got in the ride it then moved slowly in the river. The tunnel we drive in had ice covering the walls and there are stalactites designs in the ceiling adding authenticity to the place.

"You don't have to hold the bar with tense Rumi. It's not gonna drop yet." Yukinoshita remarked

"Uh. Yeah… You're right" she then let go of the bar.

I recall something like this happened before.

Our carriage ascended slowly towards the waterfall descent at the edge. I remembered the last time we were on this ride. I look at her now and see how much she's change. For the girl who asked to be saved someday it's charming to see her doing just that to someone else. She's outgrown her dependency issues and now she had become someone you can rely on especially in Rumi's eyes.

As we went over the edge Rumi grabbed me and Yukinoshita instead of the bar in front.

* * *

We head over to the photo booth section of mountain universe. There s snapshot for every carriage that passes through waterfall descent. You can get said photo in this booth and you can also ask the staff to modify it for effects if you wish. Now that I think about it shouldn't there have been a photograph of me and Yukinoshita when we went through this ride before? Then again I guess it doesn't matter anymore since neither of us must have bothered to get it at that time.

"Here's our picture together"

Rumi grabbed the photo and studied it. It was a simple photo of the three of us lined together, but more than that this is proof of our moment together at this ride.

They both looked at it with a smile on their faces.

* * *

 **Ferris Wheel**

The sky turns dark blue as the sun is halfway hidden in the east. Night was about to come to end this day. Some of the street lights have begun to turn on and shop owners would do the same. Slowly the park's theme subtly changed when new luminescence sprung out everywhere.

We walked slowly across the street. My body has started to feel tired after a long day and I could say the same for my companions especially Rumi with her lack of energy most noticeable.

We arrived at the Ferris wheel. In one glance you can say that it is one of the tallest structures in this park. As we lined up it sparkled with light as night descended giving a new aura different from its appearance earlier this day.

It didn't take long till it was our turn. We stepped into the carriage and positioned ourselves in with Rumi besides Yukinoshita and me opposite of them. While we settle down we could feel the fatigue build up from the day and so we relaxed on our position in the cart. If we continue this further then I might end up carrying Rumi in my back again on some of our walk back. We agreed that this will be the last ride for tonight. We each looked out the window looking at the view appearing as we revolve to the top.

"It's been a good day" Rumi talked to break the silence

"Yeah… overall it was" Yukinoshita replied

"Did you enjoy your time here?" I asked Rumi

"I did… I'm glad that the three of us got together to have this. I've lost count on the number of times I felt my emotions peak like never before throughout the day. None of this would have been possible without you both so thank you for being here with me to experience this altogether."

We smiled in satisfaction upon hearing her heart out.

Rumi then let out a wistful sigh.

"I wouldn't mind if this goes on forever"

"I don't think that's for the best. One of the reasons you feel this happy is actually because of the little amount of time you've spent here. You treasure it more because it's special from the rest.

Our past might be filled with regrets and we fear what the future may bring us. So cherish the opportunity in making the best out of the present"

"I see… however it just feels kind of sad that it will be over now"

"This doesn't have to be the last Rumi. Would you mind if we do this again someday?" Yukinoshita asked Rumi

"I'd love to go here again… but only if we all agree to go together again" Rumi responded

"Of course… we all will return someday"

In the distance I heard the last verse of the rhyme one last time.

Magic looms as far as you can see

Filling everyone further with glee

In this land of Destiny that set your release

Accept this time as a moment of peace

Alas you can't always stay in dream

But at least you'll always remember this theme

Now that the day have lost its light

I bid you farewell and a solemn goodnight

As we're nearing the top we felt the gentle gust of wind pass us. We welcome the breeze that soothe our head and body to blow away the summer heat. In front of me I could see their hair flutter through the hair. Rumi secured her hat and took it off letting the breeze blow through her hair.

Near the top we experience a momentary silence away from the noise below us. We could now see the entirety of the park underneath us. The darkness of the night has enhanced the lights beneath making this park a sea of sparkling stars. Below us are masses of friends and families, each borrowing time to enjoy life as much as we did.

All of a sudden what started as a whistle turned to a loud rumble that echoed and followed with is a flash of light in the sky.

"It looks like it has begun" Yukinoshita stated

Rumi's eyes widen at the sight all around her.

We watched the show unfold around us. Sparkling tracers arc upward before they explode into a floral shape of fire. It was a different experience to witness fireworks when you're in a Ferris wheel. You can clearly see each explosion bloom magnificently, one after another, dancing around the night sky.

The fireworks continue to shower the sky around us with vibrant colors of red, blue, white, green, and yellow each shaped in all manners like stars, circled and patterned.

You could hear the shouts of glee down below as people stop their activities to witness the spectacle before them. For minutes everyone in the park were dazzled by the sheer brilliance of the event.

In a short moment I forgot to look at the light show all around as the strobe of colored lights plays across the happy faces of Yukino and Rumi. I never would have expected to see the sights with these two on the best possible vantage point. In this instance, in this moment between us, I felt something warm in my chest that I never experienced before.

The fireworks display ended as quickly as it began and with that heralded the beginning of the end for our journey today.


	8. Chapter 8: A Life's Reverie

The morning breeze gently brushes through my hair as we walk towards the station platform. I wrapped my arms around to stave off the slight cold. I should have anticipated this chilly morning air as last night's remainder despite the summer season. Unlike me, my companions seem to wear more appropriate clothing for the temperature around us. Well... at least for the moment until the sun turns the land into an oven later on but then again judging from observation women seem to be more heat resistant than men considering the length and bulk of their hair that covers their head.

We arrived at the train station a bit early for the first train departure so we waited. I take a quick gander around the place and found out that we were the first one to arrive. It was a rare sight to see a train station not populated with passengers trying to hastily board the train but considering the time we arrived then I'm not too surprised. I guess everyone else is still enjoying their sleep while here we are, braving the early morning.

Meanwhile Rumi yawns yet again between us.

"Remind me again why we have to travel so early in the morning" she followed

"We've discussed this before haven't we? To promptly follow the routine we decided for our trip, to avoid the dense crowd during peak hours and to avoid direct sunlight on our travel" Yukino answered

"But the sun isn't even up yet"

"The better to arrive early"

"Papa, don't you have a say in the matter?"

"Hmm? Don't mind me, my brain is currently at a lowered functioning level to compensate the little amount of sleep it received. Talk to me later"

She sighed knowing I won't be backing her up.

"If I recall correctly, weren't you the one excited to go today Rumi? "

"But I'm still sleepy"

"You only have yourselves to blame for that. If you followed my order and slept early last night then you both wouldn't be sleepy like this"

"I wasn't complaining" I interjected

Rumi continued to rub her eyes, fighting to stay awake as her head wobble a little.

Soon after, an announcement blared signaling that the train is now ready for departure. We carried our bags and got on board.

* * *

I glimpsed outside the windows to see landscapes like blurs as we pass through them. There were barely any other passengers onboard. The few present are probably tourists. The trains' unmistakable rattle of engine courses through the air. This didn't bother Rumi who napped peacefully with her head resting on her mother's shoulder. Yukino on the other hand held a book reading without trouble as the train smoothly travels.

After days of planning to camp as promise to Rumi we finally agreed and managed to do the trip today. She proposed that we go to a villa owned by her family as a summer or winter vacation.

"Are you sure we only need to bring so few?" I asked breaking the silence

Inside the bags are our change of clothes, umbrella, sleepwear and a number of books.

"Don't worry, the cabin we're going to are well equipped despite the fact that most of my family haven't visited it for a long time. I think Nee-san still frequents it occasionally"

"Speaking of your sister is that how you got the idea where to travel; that you're suggestion to come here came from your sister?"

"No, I planned this all my own. I have no reason to associate with Nee-san for this, especially with the circumstance we're in right now"

"Then the call you received earlier?"

"That was just her usual meddling. I ended our conversation after a meaningless small talk from her part. No need to be concerned about it."

Yukino dropped the subject, uninterested to talk about the calls with her older sister. I feel like the calls have become more frequent lately or has it been always like this during our schooldays and I only noticed it now because I began to stay in her apartment. If she's onto us then she would have already done something a long time ago but nothing ever came up. As much as I'd like to believe that I'm just being a little paranoid I can't shake the feeling.

* * *

After a long trip we finally arrived to our destination. Needless to say it was different from my expectations. It looks more like a farmhouse rather than a luxurious vacation home that I anticipated. Its size isn't small but not anything to boast about. Various shrubs and trees surround the place. There were empty lands of wheat fields that stretch at our sides. The environment made me aware how different this place is from the town we grew up in.

"It's beautiful" Rumi commented

"So is this the place?" I asked Yukino

"Yes while it's been ages since I've visited. Looking at it is giving me a familiar feeling"

"Are you really sure this is the place?"

"I already told you that it is. I know my sense of direction isn't correct some of the time but I'm sure that we've arrived at the right place. Rather than doubt me why don't you carry our bags inside!"

"I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm just making sure. There's no need to abuse me."

"Come on, hurry up" Rumi was already ahead of us urging us to go inside already.

After unpacking our things I went back to the living room. Rumi explored the rest of the house leaving Yukino near the entrance. Yukino walked slowly with eyes staring fondly around the place. Walking again here must be have triggered a sense of nostalgia for her. The designs having the nature of wood furnishings gave the place an authentic touch. All the decorations and objects from her past surrounding us makes me feel like I've stepped into her life long ago.

"I've checked the electricity, water and various places and it looks like everything is working as intended" I told her

"Good, While Nee-san is the last person to stay here. I was worried she might not have left the house in condition or that the place might have deteriorated already after months

I'll be preparing our lunch shortly you can relax or explore the place like Rumi if you want Hachiman"

"I think I'll lie down and relax first. The journey here sapped away my strength."

"Sure. I'll call you both when lunch is ready"

* * *

After lunch we were on our way to visit the nearby town as Yukino suggested. Although 'nearby' might be the wrong word for it since the nearest town is around a mile away from the house. It was already tiresome to walk here from the station but to do it all over again to gather supplies is taxing. After walking down the path to the next town, the expanse of fields on each side was slowly replaced by trees and undergrowth.

"Did you like your stay here before?" I asked Yukino to open up a conversation

"It can get too hot for comfort on some days during the summer but at least its windier here compared to the city. Overall this is a quiet place to live with"

"Doesn't it get lonely here?" Rumi asked

"I guess it is for some people but I was never bothered by it"

"If you came from a home nestled in a city then this place would put you out of your comfort zone but as for me… I wouldn't mind this life too. I've come to be accustomed to a life of a loner so staying here wouldn't change much of my lifestyle"

"Really just like that? You would accept the life of a hermit" Rumi inquired

"Of course not… the materials I need for entertainment happens to be close to civilization so it would be a bother to live out here"

"Don't mind asking him again questions like that he'll only have shallow answers" Yukino told Rumi

"That doesn't make my answer any less credible"

"If your stand about your life influence others then it is subject for scrutiny and should be judged appropriately if wrong"

"I'm entitled for my own opinion and to what I want to do in my life. Other people don't factor into what I do. The things that happen in front of me are parts of my life and my life alone. Whether I want to become a corporate slave is up to me to which I don't. How can working hellish overtime hours is in anyway blissful?"

"Work doesn't only mean to serve as a way to earn a living. In fact even if we have the money to support ourselves we would still continue to do so. Because work gives us a feeling of being tied into society and that it is our responsibility to contribute"

"Leave it to a fellow Japanese to speak work as the all encompassing purpose of people" I retorted

"You speak as if you're not a part of our nation but considering you then I won't bother

Besides I was only giving an example to extend my belief. The meaning of life might be to find your purpose, but the purpose of life is to share it with others"

"Why do people enjoy putting meaning to life in order to make it seem significant? Everyone lives in different standards so of course the interpretation of the meaning varies in the same way" I rebutted

"We all live life differently but our efforts are merited collectively as a community. One life affects another regardless of intent so we need to reflect on our decision with others in mind"

"You can say what you want about it but the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness. Selfishness is not wrong. There is nothing wrong in living for yourself. It is in the human nature itself."

"Being selfish will only lead you towards vice."

"Selfishness is not synonymous to evil but merely means a concern to one's own interest. A person who steals or disregards others for his own benefit is not evil based on the fact that they pursued his own interest but in _what_ he regards as to his own interest; _not_ in the fact that he pursues his values, but in _what_ he chose to value; _not_ in the fact that he wants to live, but in the fact that he wants to live on a subhuman level"

"It's true that selfishness does not inherently mean that you're evil but would you find people that actively admit that they're selfish? As we grow a selfish person will begin to broaden his horizon and stop to focus solely on what is in front of them. They will stop and think about why they make the choices that they do and consider the people around them that might get affected.

We do not grow as a society without charity and reciprocity. It is not selfishness but altruism that is a critical part of human nature. There is an innate desire for equity and our present society is proof of that"

"How about you Rumi?" I asked to divert the topic.

"Eh? yes"

"Who do you agree with?"

"I… I don't really agree with you both… well to an extent"

"Hmmm… then do you have your own opinion?"

She nodded.

"Care to share it with us then"

"Uh I'm not sure… I… how do I say it"

"Go on. We won't laugh"

She bowed her head to think on her answer. Our attention in now at her, curious to what's her take on this.

"Alright answer this. What is love? Tell me its how, its method, its meaning, its purpose… Why do you love? How does one go about loving?"

"What does that got to do with what we're talking about?"

"Just go along with me here."

We contemplated her words. What could she might have meant about that?

"Alright then let me express my own notion of it.

Let us imagine a plant... Can a plant love? It seems to me it cannot. At least from the perspective of humans, trees and shrubs don't express in any way that can be viewed as love."

We nodded

"What about animals? Do they love?"

"Some of them do some of them don't depending on how you want to define it. You can see some offer affection towards its mate or its herd. If you consider those as acts of love then yes you could argue animals can" I replied

"Do you think they define love in the same way us human's do?"

"They don't. Their function of love is for reproduction they do it as a necessity for the survival of their species."

"How about humans… do they love? Yes, I believe so. Love is one of those mysterious feeling that people are programmed to do. You mentioned that one of its functions is reproduction. But that is a function independent of love."

"I don't think love is the all encompassing purpose of humans. We don't all experience it in the same proportion nor in the same amount and some of us would argue that they live through life in its absence."

"Then Let's see... "

She lowered her head to reflect.

"…Why does a rose bloom? Why does a canary sing?"

Another cryptic question. She continued without pause

"Love is not rational. It's not something you try to explain through logic. It's something that is planted in the depths of our hearts and steadily blossoms into something beautiful.

There is neither rhyme nor reason to the process of love. Even if you do see reason in it, still it is more than an emotion that you can explain.

Love is something that visits like wakefulness after a slumber. Just as we awake in the morning to begin our day... we are put on this earth for the purpose of love. To live is to love. To ask what is the meaning of love, is to ask what is the meaning of life."

"Canaries are born to sing. Humans are born to love. No matter how I think, it kinda sounds like a childish rant of a romantic. Even if a rose is born to bloom, I don't believe that a rose knows this. And I don't believe a canary believes its purpose is to sing."

"I guess so… but from the eyes of a human, it might appear that the only purpose of a rose is to bloom.

I know that many people don't believe that they are living for the purpose of loving. But from my perspective...

I believe that people only live to love and that is just how things are."

We couldn't help but chuckle a bit because of her response.

"Eh? You said you wouldn't laugh muuhhh…"

This just goes to show the similarities and differences between our principles, and also serves as a mental note that I should avoid getting into a philosophical argument with these two as much as possible.

* * *

We arrived in town and it looks exactly as I anticipated. There were no tall buildings that stood out. Despite being a rural town it doesn't fall behind with development as there are shops, markets occasionally scattered. There was an absence of congestion from cars and people. The few people that we see are neither in a hurry to go somewhere nor are their faces afflicted with stress. They go about in a calm and constant pace.

We continue to stroll with Yukino leading us. She recommended to shop at the store near the corner where we entered town to which we agreed.

We had a quick stroll to gather the supplies we need. The store is surprisingly stocked with variety despite the town looking rural. We then headed over to the counter to finish our shopping for groceries. Behind the counter was an old lady that seemed to have aged with the town alongside her

"Are you tourists visiting the town, we don't get visitors a lot 'round these parts so it's easy to know an unfamiliar face" the receptionist asked.

"Yes, we're currently staying at the cabin north from here." Yukino responded

"Ah that villa near the mountain base… My, it has been so long since someone lived there…"

"I used to stay there during winter when I was a child"

"Really now. Oh goodness how time flies look at how you've grown so beautiful. I see you have your own family now and have a cute daughter of your own" the old lady commented. Rumi moved behind Yukino acting timid towards the old lady.

"Eh…She's… she's not really my daughter" She whispered, barely said it to clear this misunderstanding. She looked away trying to hide the slight tint of red on her cheeks.

She then turned her attention to me.

"You must be the husband and father," she adjusted her glasses trying to study my demeanor.

"My my, you must be proud to be married to a beautiful wife and have a healthy daughter"

"What? Uh… sure…" Her bold remarks made me embarrassed for the people I'm with

"No need to be shy now young man. It's alright to flaunt your lovely family hehe"

Telling the truth will be a waste of time and effort since we're only visiting the town so telling our circumstance to a random stranger holds no significance. That said, I'm not yet used to hearing comments like that so it's hard to act unfazed. At least she didn't comment anything harshly at my appearance.

"Will your family live here from now on?"

"I'm afraid we'll only be here for a few days" I replied

"Well if you ever do decide to stay then I'd be glad to welcome you all"

"Don't be strangers now, come back if you need anything."

We waved our hand to as a sign of courtesy for our departure. She smiled sincerely as we went out.

* * *

After a walk we decided to stop by a nearby playground to rest before continuing our walk back. We headed towards the short bench near the swings. After approaching it we soon noticed that the bench wasn't enough for the three of us to fit so Yukino and I instead sat on the swing.

Compared to the usual swings you'll find on an ordinary playground the seats are elevated higher. Yukino's feet for example almost can't touch the ground. I guess whoever designed this didn't like kids and made this an adult only swing. Then again considering that there's probably not a lot of kids or to be exact not a lot of people in this town to complain about this anyway.

Rumi kept staring at the swing seat we're on.

"Would you like to try the swing." I offered Rumi

"Are you teasing me?"

"That was a serious offer. You're wasting your youth like that if you keep on sulking"

"That's ironic coming from you." Yukino said

"hmph. Like you're any better than me"

"I think in fact I am" she effortlessly said

"E-ehem now as I was saying would you like to give this a try"

It didn't take long for me to convince her to try it.

"No- Not so high"

I pushed her from her back to give momentum to the swing. Rumi clings on the chains tightly for her life while Yukino looks from the side and decided to take some pictures. Within a few turns Rumi, despite her complaints, enjoyed the ride.

"Faster- faster"

"Weren't you complaining earlier to slow down? Make up your mind."

We continued for while. I stopped momentarily wary of the energy I need to walk back to the cabin. Rumi hopped off with a satisfied face.

"You know to begin with if you wanted to try it then you should have asked earlier"

"I'm only being courteous. I don't want you to think of me as too outspoken" She held her head down doubtful of what she said.

"Why? How can you be true to yourself if you doubt everything you want to do? Are you afraid that the people around you get to decide who you are as a person? Your image varies from person to person so there is no such a thing as your true self."

"But…"

"Stop hesitating every time you want to do something, go ahead and ask

You can do what you want with your life. Whether they lead you to fulfillment or consequences, you are free to decide and bear the results of it.

That's what youth is - it's more than just studying or playing or having fun with friends nor is it about finding love… those are only a part of it, But what it is… what it should be… is freedom "

...

...

"Aha… ahaha..ahahahahaha…"

Yukino turned her head away from us trying to hide her laughter though with poor results.

"hahahahahahahahaha…"

Rumi followed and giggled uncontrollably

"Huh? What… I don't recall saying a joke. There must be something wrong with you two if you found anything I said to be part of a skit"

"We're not really laughing at you Hachiman. We were only heeding your advice by exercising our _freedom_ to laugh on account of our youth after hearing a corny speech"

"ahahahaha…Yes… Yes that's right we're only enjoying our youth by being free to laugh.. ahahaha"

"Alright already, I admit that it's not like me to say something like that and it didn't came out the way I intended it so could you both stop it"

I walked off in a hurry urging them to walk already. We got back as darkness settles outside. We had dinner and afterwards decided to sleep early. There were rooms enough to house each of us separately so we picked our own. Rumi was reluctant for the three of us to separate for our sleep but we eventually convinced her that everyone needs space once in a while. We immediately went to our separate rooms to sleep after a tiring day.

* * *

I awoke after a light slumber to see the clock showing that it's almost midnight. I lost the urge to return to sleep immediately so I got up and head towards the living room. By this time they should be sleeping peacefully. The rooms where they rest right now is adjacent towards my own. I moved quietly to not disturb them by chance. The air outside seeping from out the window felt a lot cooler which urged me to go out and have a short stroll. As I walk I could see a person's figure faintly in the distance. She stood there alone. Her head gaze up with her long hair flutter through the wind. Despite the difficulty of recognizing someone at night I immediately knew who it was. Her face became familiar as I approached her. It was Yukino

"Hachiman?" She faced my direction after hearing my approaching footsteps.

"Hmm… You missed an opportunity there to pretend that you don't know me like last time"

"Would you prefer that I do that every time you creep up on me at the middle of the night?"

"I'm not sneaking around you I just felt like going out for a while and you just so happen to be here too"

"I'm beginning to wonder if coincidence is the only reason why we meet like this."

"I'm one of the two people you're staying with near the vicinity so there's a higher chance for the two of us to meet like this. However I understand if you feel uncomfortable to meet like this on this hour so I'll let you have your space"

I turned around and started to walk back.

"I'll take my leave then"

"It's alright I really don't mind either way"

"Are you sure?"

When I turned to look at her I found that she was again looking up the sky. She didn't reply further. After a short decision making I decided to stay only to not let my effort go to waste and just to be clear there's no other reason besides that.

I walked towards her.

I noticed that there's a large blanket near her. She sat on it to continue looking at the sky. She must have intended to stargaze tonight.

"You can sit beside me if you want. It's large enough for both of us"

She moved to the side a little to show invitation. I accepted the offer and sat beside her to gaze at the same night sky.

We lay down underneath the open sky. In front of us are stars that stretch as wide as the open night sky. The sky was clear with not a cloud neither the moon to obfuscate their brilliant shine.

"It feels surreal"

"What is?"

"Just the three of us here together… far away from everything… acting as if we really are a family on vacation"

"I guess"

Time passes as we look to the sky. The only sound coming from is the breeze and the rustling of leaves around us.

"Ne, Yukino…"

"Yes?"

"If you have to choose only one, which do you think is more beautiful? The fireworks we witnessed at the amusement park or the stars in front of us right now"

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just small talk"

She paused

"There's no need to choose as I don't prefer one over the other. I have the option to enjoy both so I chose to."

"I mentioned that you only need to choose one over the other. It's cheating to say both"

"I gave myself the option to choose both… besides don't I have the _freedom_ to?"

"Fine, do want you want"

"How about you then?"

"Humans are like fireworks. We all try to climb higher striving for success and eventually we'll go our separate ways and become further apart. If fireworks are the flash of life then the stars represent eternity. They glow in the night sky unaffected by any human activities. There are stars before us as there will be after us.

If I only need to choose one, _which I asked clearly_ , then I'd choose the stars"

If you think about how I compared the two to humans, then I chose an unrealistic answer. That such a thing as perpetual might not exist for us. But I won't accept that as the inevitable truth. Someday I'll understand and rest easy knowing that it is possible to have a relationship where you're free to burden one another... If there is such a thing as everlasting for us humans then I'll always keep searching for it.

"Earlier today you mentioned your thoughts about youth" Yukino asked in turn

"I did and you laughed at me"

"Only because you're the last person I know who'd say something like that"

"…"

"Doesn't that contradict with your usual saying

 _If failure is the hallmark of being young, like they say. then someone who has failed to make friends must be at the peak of his youth, right? However, I'm sure they will disagree. All of this is just their double standards at play and nothing else. Here's the bottom line: Fools that enjoy their youth should go kill themselves…_

Weren't these your exact words from your essay?"

She quoted while doing a poor replica of my voice. I'm surprised she even knows that let alone remember that about me

"Yes and what I wrote holds true for me… but maybe… not for her"

"What do you mean?"

"They say despair runs deepest when you're at the peak of hope

We've been ostracized from peers in our youth that slowly turned us to who we are today. It is our experience that shaped our principles; we adapted to become a type of person that we embody, a loner.

But for her to have the people who care for her since birth taken away…

How can we even begin to compare ourselves to what she felt when she met that accident. We have no right to say that we understand her because we really don't.

If she becomes cynical due to my influence then so be it but if not then I still wouldn't judge her any differently. We shouldn't force our own values into her. She is not me and she is not you. We can guide her but it is no one's decision but hers that will shape her to become who she will be. "

We paused only to continue to gaze at the stationary sky before us. An indefinite amount of time passed between us. There were no clocks or any close object to signify time moving forward. I felt time slows down during nights like this.

"I remember doing something like this when I was young. I felt my home suffocating me so one time I did something I never thought I'd actually do.

I went out despite being told never to go out late at night. It was the first time I did not heed the rules set out for me"

"What did you feel about it? Did you feel bad knowing you disobeyed your parents or good that you were somehow able to do it?"

"Neither. I felt… nothing. I felt nothing at all towards my action.

But from what I remember is I did feel something being out here similar to what I'm feeling right now…

It all felt foreign yet endearing to me, like I stepped into a new world away from ours. The sensation of the night air, the tranquility of open space, the solitude with only the stars of the night as illumination"

"Being here able to stargaze again must be nostalgic for you then"

"It does. Aside from memories I think recall the feelings that kindled me through nights like this while looking at the stars.

They look so near when in fact so far from each. An immeasurable wide chasm of empty space separates each one from the other. But despite that in our point of view they seem bundled up together.

I think people are the same. You can look at a group of people and judge that they're close to each other but in reality they don't truly understand one another"

She raised her hand open towards the sky

"Yet despite that, there are times that I feel that if I stretch my arm to grab them then I'll scoop up a handful of stars with my own hands

That if I can help then I can make a difference if I be there for someone"

"Is that your inspiration for the service club?"

"Maybe. I never thought of it that way. "

"But you can't regardless of what we imagine or what we try to dream to have there are times where we'll always be here still grounded." She and I both should now this well.

"Ne, Hachiman, do you ever feel like you're trying to reach out for something that's impossible to reach"

I return my gaze towards her. I can only interpret her stare that she meant that seriously despite that sounding like a rhetorical question.

"I did long ago… maybe I still do now..."

"Is that so…"

I anticipated she would ask me if I ever did reach such a thing. But she didn't follow up after that. She returned to look up at the sky again as did I.

Once again I find myself glancing on her direction to linger longer instead of the stars above us. She noticed this and ended up staring at me. The darkness of the night hides her features save for her blue eyes that faintly glistens. I felt that warm sensation slowly rise in my chest again.

"It's really late now. Shall we go back?" I offered to break the awkward silence.

"Right… I need to prepare our breakfast later anyway. We should get some sleep then"

We stood up, gathered the blanket lying on the ground and head back.

We said our good nights before separating into our own bedrooms.

* * *

 **Author notes:**

I've always wanted to write philosophical discussions between the characters but I soon realized I can't use the themes similar to canon. They're neither in a high school setting nor in groups where Hachiman can make social commentaries about nice girls or about crowds showing the micro-environment of society, etc. So if I wanted to make philosophical discussions I needed to go deeper and boy was I out of my comfort zone.

I ended up skimming through books about objectivism specifically the _virtue of selfishness_ by Ayn Rand and counters against such ideas. After reading different discussions about various ideas of human nature and its metaphors from forums, wiki pages, Ever 17, so on and so forth I finally was able to write something along the lines of what you've read in this chapter… hopefully it's not much of a mess as I think it is.

Nevertheless at least I gave my effort to emulate one of the canon's aspects that made me like it a lot.

Thanks for reading and hope to read from your comments again in upcoming chapters, till next time.


	9. Chapter 9: Looking Back

Recess was just about over. I eyed the wall clock with growing despair per tick. Will she come?

I mustered up the courage to ask her out and it had to turn out like this. I eyed the clock again showing the few minutes left before we all return to class. Every minute that passes make me slowly accept that she won't show up at all. Regrets are now soon piling up one by one starting with the effort I did last night talking to myself to make sure I'll speak right or the amount of effort I had to do to create that letter, making sure the writing is legible and the grammar correct, I even double, no triple checked if all punctuations marks are correctly placed. Not to mention the extra carefulness I did in placing that note neatly in her desk.

Despair settles in my mind, numerous scenarios on why she didn't appear now buzz in my head like flies. What if the letter got lost and she never got to read it. I tried to recall if I placed the note securely in her desk. I'm sure I did but I can't be absolutely sure it stayed there and she got to read it. Thinking back maybe I should have stayed but well out of sight just to make sure she was able to see the note if I wasn't already too embarrassed plus the fact that I needed to get away as fast as possible just in case someone saw me do it. Wait, maybe someone did see me do it and that someone took the note and read it. My knees almost gave out with just the thought of everybody finding out what I did. The gossip would rage on for days and I wouldn't be able to show my face ever again. Maybe that's why she still hadn't shown up on time or maybe she just doesn't want to show up. I mean who would seriously show up with a letter coming from me.

Before my mind got cluttered with more possible situations that led to this, all doubts burdening me lifted off when she finally came in to view. Her pristine eyes looked around before stopping short in my direction. By then I knew it. It wasn't by chance that she just happened to pass by accident. She came to see me.

"Ka-Kasumi-chan"

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes and my mind is at unease.

I flinched at first sight trying to slowly adjust to the daylight coming inside the room. I tried to sit up but my body felt more heavy than usual. My mind felt groggy like it hadn't rest at all. I thought about the dream I had still trying to make out what was it about but the longer I think the more I forgot about it until I lost interest.

I rubbed my head, stood up and prepare myself for today.

Two figures sat adjacent at the table in the middle room. There was a sleepy young child yawning quietly and in front of her was a slender figure that looks like an adult version of the was in the process of drinking her tea. When I saw her face I couldn't help but recall her serene expression under starlight last night. I push down the thought before someone notices my pause and proceeded forward.

Yukino noticed me then gently puts down her teacup to greet me.

"Good morning."

"Oh, Good morning." followed the little girl with less enthusiasm after noticing my presence then proceeded to close her eyes again.

"Good morning" I reply back with my usual tone

"Would you like me to prepare you a cup of tea?" Yukino offered

"This early? I prefer coffee."

"Coffee then."

She stood up and headed to the counter. I sat near the table to join them while she finishes preparing. Rumi on my side couldn't help but yawn again and rub her eyes still with a dreamy expression as if she's not yet ready for the day to start.

"Did you have trouble sleeping last night?"

"I had trouble falling asleep I dink I slept late. I jusd coodn stay still…"she replied eating some of the words

This is the first instance that this has happened. We hadn't seen any sleep problem's back at Yukino's apartment. Could this be a manifestation of the accident somewhat? Then again this is the first time she slept on her own since there is enough room for all of us here. Perhaps she just needs to get used to sleeping alone in her own room. Now that I recall I didn't have a good sleep last night. I keep thinking back of that dream but the details about it still eludes me. I felt like somehow it's real and it happened before.

Before I could ponder some more Yukino walked back to us with steaming cup in her hand. She walked to my direction and slowly placed the cup of coffee in front of me with care.

"Careful it's hot" She reminded before sitting at her own chair.

"I see… thanks."

She's unusually nice to me today. Hmmm, now that I think about she had been acting less cold to everyone lately especially me. Maybe the situation forced her to adapt to a more motherly role. I wonder if she'll return to her former self after all this. I wonder have I also… Well best not to think too much about this. At least I'm somehow benefitting from the situation. It will make my life a lot easier if she continued to act like this from now on.

"Rumi if you're still sleepy you can continue to rest at your room." Yukino stated taking notice of the drowsy girl.

"No No I'm awake I'm just trying to rub my eyes. I want to help with the preparation for our picnic today."

"It's fine to rest for a few more minutes we can handle the preparation ourselves."

"No, I insist, I'm wide awake now." The little girl stood up trying her best to persuade.

"You might as well allow her. It's hard to argue when she's this persistent. " I interject so we won't need to further dwell on the matter.

"Alright the two of us will prepare the food" Yukino answered confirming to Rumi.

Rumi smiled back, happy that she gets to help.

"But Hachiman don't think you've talked your way out of responsibility here. You'll be carrying the baskets."

"I'm not making excuses. I'm fine with holding the baskets for the trip in the first place." I retorted.

With the tasks divided we continued our day.

* * *

We walked across the field with no exact direction in mind.

The gentle breeze whispers in my ears. I can't help but feel like it's our own solemn music complementing us with our stroll.

I breathed deeply filling my lungs with country air which felt so clean compared to the cities. I notice my company couldn't help but share my enjoyment with the environment. Rumi despite trying to act behave couldn't help but walk ahead of us excited with every step.

We stop on a spot to settle with our picnic. Yukino took the basket from my arms to prepare our meal. I offered to help but she refused saying that I've done enough by carrying it. I didn't argue and waited till it's done. We sat at the blanket careful not to dirty our clothes.

The weather couldn't have been more perfect for today. It wasn't too hot compared to recent days and Clouds spread wide across the sky blocking out the sun. I felt my body relax and my eyes drop. It was a nice time for a nap. I looked around and someone is ahead of me already. Rumi is lying down with her head resting on Yukino's thigh. In a few moments her breathing relaxed and she quickly slumbered continuing what her body wanted to do this early morning. I lied down and relaxed. I opened my eyes to see the sky was as vast as ever. Clouds ranging from Puffs of white balls and feathery blankets scatter above and stretched as far as I could see. I watch them move slowly guided by the wind.

I turn my head around, my eyes stop at Yukino's direction. Her eyes buried in the book she brought along. Every once in a while her head will lift up and stare the scène across her. A gust of wind sweeps across the land. Grass sway gently out in the field. Her long hair gently flutters against the wind. She remains to look out into the open field instead of continuing her reading. Her face is almost devoid of noticeable expression save for a small smile. She looked the same as last night gazing longingly at the stars.

In a moment she turned around and our eyes met. It didn't last for a second and we instinctively looked away. She held her book to cover her face and I turned my head opposite of her.

"Please stop staring at me with those eyes." She said in an icy tone

"I was just admiring the view… wait don't take that the wrong way, I meant the surroundings which you just happen to be in the scene too."

She didn't reply but stared at me suspiciously doubting my excuse. After a while she then continued to read again and I turned around to not make that same mistake.

I closed my eyes allowing my mind and body to relax.

"Hachiman, are you enjoying your stay here?" She asked.

"I am." I replied

"Why do you ask?" I added to continue the conversation.

"No reason really, Well I do have a question and I want to hear your opinion about it."

"Go ahead and ask."

"Suppose you're happy right now, you're content with the way things are, but then you find out that there's happiness far greater than that you're currently experiencing. Will you risk what you have no and try to achieve a new happiness?"

She looked at me seriously waiting for a reply. I pondered for an answer.

"If you aren't content with what you have right now then you will still not be content with what you like to have. Besides you need to weight in the risk of failure. Are you willing to lose what have right now trying to achieve an uncertain happiness?"

"Yes, I guess that's reasonable."

She answered but the look of her face tells me that she knew that I'll say the obvious and have a follow-up question.

"But what if you aren't really happy… What if the happiness you have right now is just a lie you believed in so despite a chance for a better life you wallow in what you have thinking you have everything you need when you don't."

I looked back into the sky contemplating deeply on her question. Is there an agenda as to why she's asking these question? I suddenly feel growing unease the more I deeply think about it. There's something about the questions that feels… personal.

I stopped thinking too much about it, sat up and stared at her.

"If you already believe that you're content then you can't persuade yourself otherwise. If you really want to prove that the person is missing out then someone else must prove to him that having to find that new happiness is worth the risk".

She paused to look at me.

"hehe.. hahahaha" she held her book up to cover her face and lightly chuckled, amused at my answer. She kept holding the book up until she can compose herself. I look at her with slight confusion. I don't think there's anything funny with my answer, I think.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh it's just that I was thinking too much about it… Ehem.. Yes, I suppose that would be the practical answer."

* * *

Yukino nudged Rumi to wake up. We packed our belongings and made sure that we didn't leave any trash lying around as a courtesy to maintain the beauty of the place.

I grabbed the baskets and went on our way back to the cabin.

We didn't journey as far as I had thought as we were now almost back in just less than half an hour.

Thud!

A crashing sound pierced the silence. I looked behind me to see the source.

"Mama!" Rumi shouted with worry .

Beside her is Yukinoshita in a kneeling position trying rise up. I quickly moved back towards them to help.

"It's okay everyone I just tripped a branch. I'm fine"

"Are you sure?" I asked with concern.

"Yes just give me a moment"

She continued to stand up to prove her well being. We were right beside her ready to support just in case.

"See I'm fine I can….ahh" She tried to walk but it ended up as a limp. Her face contorted with pain once she tried to move her right foot. Rumi offered her hand to help Yukino balance and stand.

I opened the basket and laid down the blanket for her to sit

"Sit here while I check for injury" I asked also implying for permission.

She acknowledged it and sat down with Rumi's help. She took off her slippers. I crouched down to inspect her foot; there was a patch of bruised skin.

"Ouch" Yukino retorted once I held her foot.

"Sorry" I apologized before continuing to inspect her foot area.

"There doesn't seem to be a sprain so I guess the pain must be only coming from the bruise."

"See, It's not as bad as you think it is…". She then put back the slipper on.

"It's going to be painful for you to walk." I stated the fact.

"I'll endure it." She confidently declared but it was hard for both of us to ignore the wince in her face for every walk.

Rumi and I looked at each other contemplating on what to do now.

"You can go ahead I'll only slow you down…" Yukino stated aware of our worry.

"We're not gonna leave you" Rumi declared.

"I'll be alright, it's only a scratch. You can go on ahead. I'll be with you in a while.." Yukino said to comfort Rumi but she wasn't convinced.

"Papa…" Rumi looked back at me with a face that's asking for help. I sighed knowing what she means.

"I guess there's no helping it. I'll have to carry you on my back"

"What?... No…No you don't have to…" Yukino replied with surprise

I handed the baskets to Rumi to free my hand. I then knelt down with my back facing her.

"You don't have to do this. I said I'll catch up… the cabin isn't that far from here anyway... I… I don't want to be a burden" She continued to protest.

"It will only get worse if we let you walk on your own. The sooner we can get back the faster we can treat it" I try to reason with her.

Yukino still hesitated. Despite being convinced with my argument there was another reason why she doesn't want to. Her face covered in red showed that.

"Mama… please…" With Rumi's plead she finally conceded and accepted to be a passenger for the piggyback.

She wasn't as heavy as I thought she would be. In a short time I manage to balance walking in with this position while Rumi on the other hand is slightly having more problems carrying the baskets in front of me.

"Don't lean too far from me or you'll fall off." I asked her after feeling her weight continue to lean far away from me making it hard to balance walking.

She paused possibly contemplating something.

"Sorry..." She then leaned forward wrapping her arms around my neck.

Too close. Too close. I regret what I said I didn't mean for this to happen.

I could feel hear breathing close to my neck. Her warm body covers my back. Her hair would sometime bellow in front when the wind blows carrying her scent with it. I could feel her heartbeat thumping a lot faster than normal, not that I can blame her because my heart was thumping as fast as hers. It's a good thing she can't see me right now because I'm sure that my face is as red as beetroot.

After an inconvenient walk back we made it to the cabin.

Rumi settled down the baskets and went along to get the first aid kits. I gently held down Yukino to a chair behind her. She tried to stand up but I prompted her to sit back down and that we'll handle the rest for her.

"I can take care of the wound from here now. The two of you don't have to go to too much trouble for me."

"I already told you that it will only get worse if you try to move around so it's only natural for us to do this."

I then proceeded to fill a bucket with water to rinse the bruise at her feet. Rumi returned with the disinfectant and bandage in hand.

"There all done" I proclaimed

It didn't take long for me to finish cleaning and bandaging the wound. Rumi volunteered to clean up the equipment we used.

I looked at Yukino expecting her to react but didn't. She was quiet for a while and didn't respond too much recently. She must still be thinking about the effort we gave for this.

"If you're still too troubled then think of this as our thanks for the meal we had earlier. If you need anything more I'll be in my room then."

I walked to the door to my room ready to leave.

"Wait, Hachiman"

"Yes?" I turned around to face her. She fidgeted and looked down trying not to look awkward.

"Th-Thank you" she meekly stated with a hint of red on her cheeks

I stammer, surprised at what I heard from Yukinoshita herself.

"…You're welcome." I replied then quickly exited the room before she noticed my fluster because I'm not used to receiving praise.

I lay down in bed. I felt more tired than I thought as my body gave away.

 _How do you know the happiness you have right now is not a lie_

I recall our conversation earlier. I didn't expect that it would bother me this much. There's something about it that makes me uneasy. But why?

I closed my eyes. The question left unanswered before allowing sleep to take over.

* * *

"Ka-Kasumi-chan"

She looked at me from head to toe studying my presence before her.

"uhh… uhm… Hi… Hikigaya-kun?" She spoke in a hesitating voice.

I felt my heart skip a bit. She might not be close to me, or more precisely know who I am really, but she probably heard my voice before. I looked at her radiant face and my heart begins to race. I need to strengthen my resolve if I'm to go through with this.

"I-I got a note to come here and meet you here… uhm Hikigaya-kun?" Hesitation still flows through her voice but it was expected. It's only natural if you receive a conspicuous letter.

"Ye-yes that would be me. Ah- I'm glad you came even though it looks a bit suspicious since you came to meet me without knowing why I wanted to talk to you… but- but I'm not implying your gullible or anything No… Of course not just trying to… you know ehehe…" I spoke out my thoughts rapidly and incoherently.

Damn it. I spent all night trying to sound cool yet I'm still a talking mess. Why do the gods of Rom-com have no mercy?

She stood still like a statue and looked at me with indifference. Her mouth hung open slightly trying to say a reply but no words came. I tried to talk before she could to gain the momentum I lost. I stood straight and mustered up all the confidence I have.

"Ehem… The reason I called you here is… You see… will you please… will you please go out with me… "

There I said it. A shy joyous smile came from my face after I overcame what felt like an insurmountable wall. But it's not yet over. Now comes the moment of truth.

My heart was pounding hard now, anxious to hear what she would say.

Kasumi's face looked down probably to ponder about my confession. Her body fidgets around. Once again the wind picks up. The cold breeze is making me tenser than I already am.

After what felt like an eternity she finally spoke.

"Ah… I'm sorry but I… I can't. I'm really sorry"

In span of a few words my spirit fell tumbling downwards. The confidence I had earlier was vaporized as quickly as it formed.

"Is.. is that so… okay… sorry to be a bother"

I turned my back and ran away. I heard her voice probably calling me but I ignored her in fear she might see my sour face.

Scene 1

"Hey did you hear about the confession?"

"Is it about Kasumi-chan?"

It was only a matter of time till it spread throughout the class. By the end of the next day everyone caught wind of the event and it became the passing conversation for days to come.

"Hey Kasumi-chan come on tell us all about the details"

Not even Kasumi was safe from the teasing around us. I know that she doesn't like to be the center of attention. Now it's also my fault that she ended up being the class topic for being confessed by someone like me. I could not even come near her to apologize for fear that more interaction with her will worsen the mockery.

"I heard Hikifroggy-kun confessed his love to her"

"Really? How did he croak the words out?"

"Hahahahaha"

"Hahahahaha"

The teasing worsened. What happened only fueled their desire to mock me. I walked as fast as I could to get away from everybody.

"Atteeeenshun…"

I looked up to see a familiar fat classmate, his face drawn with a smug smile and matching glass shining a reflection of light.

"Go away"

"Is that how you properly greet your comrade at arms and fellow conspirator?"

"Shut up. I'm not in the mood to talk"

"Fret not comrade I have heard your recent endeavors and as unexpected as the result was I for one imagined it to be a close battle with victory near insight but alas the dark paragod shogun have proven to be most vile and cheated you of what was rightfully yours. I humbly give you my condolence for the matter"

"Didn't you hear me? I said I don't want to talk right now" I said with more conviction

"However we, the chosen few, should never give in till we achieve what is ours by right. Don't listen to the mechanical voice of the uninitiated mass for they are lost. From dawn to dusk and dusk to dawn as long as the cycle of gaeia never cease we can still be reborn to collect the fragments of eternia to save our soul and…"

I stood up and raised my voice to its peak.

"I SAID SHUT UP"

"…

Hi- hikigaya…"

He was surprised to see me raise my voice like that, he and I both to be accurate. I looked at his face and saw a mixture of confusion and pained expression. I felt even more horrible. I didn't want to give him the same toxic treatment I've been going through. Especially to someone who only wanted to cheer me up even if it's in a non-conventional.

"Heh hehehehe, fooled you didn't I? Did you expect me to be corrupted so easily by the flocks of sheep that spits only venom? I was only acting to convince their prying eyes that I have fallen so low. I'm sorry I have to fool you too but I needed to make sure that you're not a doppelganger agent of the enemy. Once they believe this ruse and become careless I'll counterattack and have them crawling with their knees"

"Huwoooww. I knew it. I knew it. That is one amazing performance even I trembled at your mighty roar."

"Ha… Hahahaha… who do you take me for. I am darkness incarnate itself. Born from the edge of the world, he who is forsaken by the light and feared through the lands. If the world shuns me then so be it. I will burn the earth anew and become the god of the new world."

"That's the spirit, as expected of Hikigaya-kun you never fail to overcome the trial of the paragods. I, _the future light novel writer Zaimokuza_ , is lucky to bear witness to this magnificent event of rebirth. Praises be to you oh great one"

"Of course. Who do you think I am mortal! I am the one who will surpass the paragods themselves. Record my feats for one day I will capture the heart of the fairest of them all and live my life in bliss. Muwahahaha"

"Muwahahahaha"

I ignored the part of my consciousness that steers me away from such raving talk and let it all out naturally. We laugh like a pair of lunatics.

I have never seen someone else act more of an outcast than me. There are even times when someone like me wants to ignore his rambling. Yet I smile happily despite the deviant acts.

It is at times like this that I'm glad to know someone like him. It might be insignificant to think like this but I felt comfort in this little make believe. It pushed away the sorrow I felt from all the bitter teasing I had to endure and introduced a goofy childlike joy.

That's right there's no need to cry over this. This is just my first time confessing to someone. I guess it's only normal to be rejected at least once, it can happen to anyone. I only lack a lot of things right now. If I learn more and grow to be a better person someday someone will eventually accept me for who I am. I just need to keep going and believe in myself.

…

Scene 2

Scene 3

Images flash by of times I'd rather forget.

Scene 4

"I'm sorry but I can't return your feelings... I hope you don't take this in the wrong way."

"Not at all" I replied with a smile.

Another rejection. But I'm fine. She was decent enough to answer me straight and not behind my back like everyone does. Girls aren't vending machines you put kindness coins in then expect love to come out for you. Just because you're nice to someone doesn't make you entitled to them. I just couldn't help but feel sad at what could be.

Nevertheless I need to move on.

Scene 5

Scene 6

Group work.

The teacher announces to group ourselves in five for the upcoming activity. This is the worst kind of social torture a person can inflict upon a class. I watch everyone stand up with confidence knowing who they'll approach. Everyone paired together with their clique.

The teacher scanned the classroom to see if everyone is in a group. Our eyes meet. In just that one instance I saw it in her eyes the moment she looked at me. It is Pity.

She called if any group would like to have me. No one volunteered. She's only making this worse. She then called on the nearest group and pushed me to them. I could hear the sigh of relief from the other group with not having to deal with me and around me are faces of discontent feeling somehow offended that I was put here with them.

I didn't want to be a bother to them. I really don't. I never felt like I wanted to disappear as much as I feel right now.

Scene 10

"Hi"

She stood up and walked away

"Wait I didn't mean to be a bother. I just wanted to talk with you. I mean yes, we don't know much about each other but if we get to know one another maybe we can be friends…"

She turned around and looked at me dead in the eye

"You're right, I don't know you… and I'd like to keep it that way"

…

I stared at her with not a clue on how to respond.

"Savage"… a random passerby eavesdropping on our conversation couldn't help but say it out loud breaking the awkward air.

Scene $

"Hi I'm Hikigaya Hachiman, I…"

She walked away not even letting me talk…

Am I doing something wrong?

Scene 17

Wait has it been this many. I feel like the past has been a blur with snapshots at the worst moments?

Scene 4

"I'm sorry but I can't return your feelings... I hope you don't take this in the wrong way."

I feel like this happened before… The exact same words uttered before… A cruel déjàvu.

Scene 25

Scene 27

Scene #1: cultural fest^%$

"Hey hikifroggy-kun did you finally found someone desperate enough to dance with you tonight"

"Ahahaha that'll be the day"

"Hey anyone here want to dance with him? Come on we're helping a _friend_ out here"

Every boy giggled while every girl looked away.

Scene 2

…

Scene 2%7#

It's the eyes…. It's always these eyes. My looks are average… I think… there isn't anything noteworthy about me but average doesn't mean bad heck average men can find their worth from someone. Rotten eyes. Rotten eyes

Am I really that unworthy?

Scene 2$$

I don't even have to be a romantic relationship. I'm find to be friends with anyone….

Anyone at all… just give me a chance…

$c3ne 3S

…

"Ne, here's your copy of today's assignment… uhhh"

"Hikigaya"

"ah,that's right Mikigaya ahaha"

"It's Hikigaya…"

I glanced at her face and saw her sheepishly smiling. My eyes couldn't help but stare a bit longer. She noticed that I didn't grab the papers containing our next assignment immediately.

"uhmm…"

"Uhhh right the papers."

I took the notes in haste to dissolve the awkward moment.

"Uhh… Thanks… for bringing this to me"

I look up but saw that she already passed me and continued to hand out the rest. Did she hear my appreciation? I felt more uncomfortable than before .Tsk, I hope no one noticed that.

Orimoto Kaori, the class's most cheerful character. Her presence lights the classroom with radiance. She has this aura that makes you want to be friends with her and hang around her. She was a nice girl overall. But more than that she doesn't tease me like the rest of my classmates... a genuine nice girl.

Days pass by and all this time her image was never far away from my mind. I looked again at my phone to see if she replied to the texts I sent but still to no avail. Odd it doesn't seem like she's the type to ignore someone. She greets me during class or rather she greets everyone but still she doesn't ignore me. There's nothing wrong with my messages… I think. I reviewed my past texts. Some are school related while a few are casual greetings, nothing strange.

 _Maybe she's ignoring me on purpose_ … No don't think like that. I felt sick thinking ill of Orimoto. She has done wrong to no one and yet I jump to the worst conclusion already. I've been having a lot of negative thoughts about everything. It's wrong to think like this yet somehow I feel… comfort.

The logical reason is I just got her number wrong… I'll ask again if this is her number…

$cen3 3^

"Yes?" She nonchalantly spoke up.

With one word I was held up. This is the first time that I'm alone with her.

"Uh I wanted to ask if I got you're number correctly, is this it?" I pointed to my phone.

She leaned a lot closer to get a better look. I fidgeted in response not expecting the sudden contact.

"Yup that's my number alright"

I compose myself trying to make sure she didn't notice my awkward reaction.

"Well is that all you want to talk about?" She asked still with a smile on her face.

My heart wavered. I felt warmth spread around my cheeks. I hope she's not seeing me like this but I can't help it. I felt to urge to confess to her.

"Well Orimoto I.. I.."

 _Don't do it. Don't make a fool of yourself._ Voices in my head alarms me that this is a mistake. Images of a painful past held my tongue. Doubt and anxiety clouded my thoughts. Voices kept speaking that I should know better by now and save myself from the rejection. This will all end in tragedy.

"Uhm…yes?" she urged me to continue.

I cleared my throat to compose myself.

Despite the warnings my head kept screaming in protest, I pushed through. I asked her out in the same manner as I did countless times before, unconsciously memorized.

She looked baffled, it took a while before what I said registered to her. Not surprising, with past experiences it was the default reaction from someone.

"ok" she replied beaming a smile.

Eh?

"How's tonight then. Are you free?"

Unbelievable I did it. She accepted my invitation. This counts as a date… right?

"Uhm Nikigaya-kun?"

"Ah yes I mean Uhh yes of course I'm free tonight ehe…"

"See you tonight then, bye" She turned around and left me there still awestruck.

I stood still taking in at what just happened. She said yes. She actually said yes I actually did it. I'm actually going on a date tonight.

Scn3$ 3b

Eh…

"Well come on then we're going to be late for the movie premiere."

"Yeah we're almost late. If someone here came in early" The girl at Orimoto's left stared at the girl at the right.

"It's not my fault there was traffic and…"

"Oh enough excuses ladies" Orimoto turned to them ushering them to stop bickering.

"Come on everyone"

They all started walking to the counter to buy tickets.

I snapped from my confusion and followed them. I actually thought that it would be a date with just the two of us. She must have known that this isn't what I had in mind if so…

No, enough, I must have misunderstood what she wanted earlier. Besides this isn't so bad I still get to be with Orimoto-chan…

Scenes A1-B&

Days turn to weeks and weeks to month.

Not once did I felt like I'm a part of their group. I felt a subtle difference whenever any of them talked to me. I didn't notice it at first or maybe I blocked it out of my mind out of my mind. I still feel like an outcast.

I once tried to approach them during lunch thinking that it would be natural by now. Big mistake, I felt them tense up the moment I came near them. Their eyes cast down and the conversation died. I took it as a sign to leave them alone. I walked away.

Are we even friends? Is this what it means to be friends now? It felt very different.

!#$#! 4$

"Hey Mikigaya-kun sure is stubborn."

"You must be so proud to have him as your admirer eh Orimoto-chan"

"Gross, quit teasing me like that"

"Ahahaha"

I didn't wish to hear it. It must be a mistake, no… that wasn't the truth. I knew it all along I kept hearing the whispers but I refused to understand it. I closed my mind from the talks behind my back believing in ignorance is bliss.

She only wanted me for her benefit. But as pathetic as it is… I am fine with it.

Who is to say that this isn't love… one-sided or not… right?

It is pathetic, idiotic, desperate… but does it matter?

The world is still less lonely and that makes this still worth it.

…

Then why do I feel so empty.

$#3!$ ##%$#% SCen504

" _Hikigaya-kun. You're really nice, but… I don't think this will work out I mean it must be a bother to you too right?"_

There's no surprise to anyone that Orimoto herself will say this. It was only a matter of time once everyone began to include her when teasing me. After all, who would want to be paired with me? She cut the ties as soon as possible. I was expecting this. In fact there's an imaginary countdown in my head ticking down to when she will cut ties with me. Why do I imagine it? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the fact that I felt a tiny amount of solace in knowing in how she or everyone will behave as I expect.

"I was trying to be _nice_ with you by hanging out but I don't think will work out. So goodbye"

Nice? Is that what you believe to be nice is? In that case then yes… you are the nicest person I've ever met. Of course everybody is _nice_ to me to a certain extent, but you… you 're a step above than everyone. So I thank you with all my heart for gracing me with your twisted kindness for so long…

!#$^T%$!#$ !%

I've had enough. Nothing changed.

I need to distance away from everything, away from the toxic slander, from venomous groups.

…

Scene null:

Different girl same result. Different group same response. Rinse and repeat. Nothing good came out not one happy memory.

I ran head first at every opportunity I got like a puppy begging for attention. But can you blame me? I'm as human as they come, and I don't mean that as a compliment. We fooled ourselves to require love to function. The less we have the more we crave. This is a fundamental flaw with humans.

The sea of despair gorges on desperate hearts.

We struggle at the weight of existence shackled to our fate.

Slowly we descend the dark depths while looking up longing for the light

Without anything to hold on, we drown in its deep embrace, lost in our loneliness.

Why do we even try anyway? Is it a requirement? Who was it that decided having a partner is norm. The parents? Society? No it's because of me. Of course it is. I believed in the illusion that in order to live a happy life is we must find a partner or a group of friends to cherish moments together. A lie I kept hoping to be true.

Love is the mask of the beast called Need

We hide the selfish thoughts with sweet words of promises for self fulfillment. We continue to do this time and time again despite the truth in front us.

Friendships fade. Children leave. Parents die. Lovers death does them apart. To declare love eternal is to lie.

It's not the people you hate but the people you love that will hurt you the most because you give them permission to rearrange the awnings of your soul. So why do we still give people our permission casually?

But it will be alright now. Experience is the teacher that you can always rely on. I know now my place as well as everyone else's. Better than all of them in fact.

A loner, that is who I am. No need to neither wear masks nor make appearances to anyone. No need to lie and to be fooled. No victim. No pain. There is solace in solitude and with that I am content.

I will not cling to false hope nor make mistakes again. I will not compromise my beliefs. I'm the person I need to be and it is best to keep it that way and that means I need to cut ties with Yuk1#%$^&^

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes and my mind is at unease.


	10. Chapter 10: Moving Forward

I flinched when I opened my eyes trying to slowly adjust to the daylight coming inside the room. I tried to sit up but my body felt more heavy than usual. My mind felt groggy like it hadn't rest at all. But unlike last night, I remembered the dream or rather a nightmare and unlike most nightmares that we forget as soon as we woke up this one can't be forgotten even if I tried. It felt like a river of memories rushed to my head pounding me with waves of distraught, grief and sadness.

I see, so that's why I have this growing unease every time I think about it… about her.

Emotions from my past have resurfaced and took hold of me once again. I should have noticed this sooner to prevent this happening. But it's too late I let my guard down and let my emotions get the better of me rather than listen to reason. When did we even drop the formalities and started addressing each other by our first name? I can't recall but the reason must be because of this peculiar situation we're in. We got in too deep with this made up family scenario that it felt like it was natural for us to address each other like that. I need to control myself to become the person I made myself to be.

I know now what I must do, I needed to correct myself and save myself of the mistake I'm on the verge of repeating.

However some part of me is hesitant. There's a small thought in my head warning me that I'm mistaken, that amidst the strong conviction I have was a tiny plea asking me to not lose what I could have right now.

I dressed for the day and after getting ready I walked into the dining room to be greeted again with a scene a similar from yesterday.

Two figures sat adjacent at the table in the middle room. There was a young child having breakfast and in front of her was a slender figure that looks like the adult version of the child which was in the process of drinking her tea.

Yukinoshita noticed me then gently puts down her teacup to greet me.

"Good morning."

"Oh, Good morning." followed the little girl

"Good morning" I reply back with my usual tone

"I prepared a cup of coffee, drink it while it's still hot" Yukinoshita offered

"Sure… thanks" I replied nonchalantly

"Rumi chew your food properly" Yukinoshita directed to Rumi.

I empty my mug quickly while they converse.

"Thank you for the coffee, If you'll excuse me" I stood up to leave the dining area

"Wait Hikigaya-kun, we'll be going to town so please prepare."

I stopped walking away.

"I don't feel like joining you for today"

"Eh?" They both remarked as soon as I said that. I'm not surprised by their reaction. They didn't expect to decline now that we three have always been together these past days.

"Why?" Rumi asked.

"I just… don't feel like coming along today. Sorry"

"That's it? That's not a good excuse. That's barely an excuse… I don't understand" Rumi exclaimed in defiance.

There was a short pause. I didn't explain myself more.

"Rumi, that's enough." Yukinoshita interjected

"But.. but…" Rumi stammered

"You shouldn't force people to do what you want. It's his decision not to come and since he is adamant about it then there's nothing we can do about it." Yukinoshita stated firmly to Rumi

…

"ok" Rumi answered back defeatedly

I was surprised. I didn't expect Yukinoshita to accept my decision not to go along with them. I looked back unconsciously only to be met by her stare back to me. I looked away instinctively.

"If you'll excuse me then". I immediately exited the scene.

"ok" Rumi mumbled

Yukinoshita's eyes linger for awhile directed to my direction.

* * *

It was a bit past noon, the two girls left about 10 minutes ago. I sat in my room, left all alone to contemplate.

Humans are creatures of habit. We act like we want to experience something new every time but in reality we don't really strive to change if we are content with our current lives. Before we pursue change we try to acknowledge first if its benefits will surpass our current status without risking what they currently have if things don't work out.

If I had to think it out loud then No I am trying to pick a fight with her or destroy our current relationship. In fact I'm protecting what we have right now, from myself.

Look I already know how this story ends. here let me tell you what will happen.

Rumi will be reunited with her parents then live a normal life once again. Yukinoshita and I will go back to our regular day to day lives. go to school. meet in that service club after classes, we'll talk with our usual conversations, finish any requests that comes our way, go home after. rinse and repeat until graduation. then... that's it... that's all what this will be.

My teen romantic comedy is exactly as i imagined it would be.

We'll each go on our separate way. We'll try to keep in contact but eventually move on never to see nor hear from each other ever again. I'll graduate, get an average job. I'll reminisce from time to time the moments I spent in the service club. I won't get married... not because I don't want to but because it's the most likely outcome. I'll remember the times I acted as a father figure to a child that almost lost its life and smile knowing I did good. I'll get old then pass away with neither a smile knowing I did not live my life as fulfilling as it could be but also not with a frown because i lived life exactly as I intended it to be.

I'm fine with this. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

* * *

The trip didn't last long. It didn't end up as satisfying as she had hoped it would be. The trip itself was uneventful or more precisely, boring. She could say that it was boring because it was the same sights she had seen in her previous trip but she knew exactly why she felt it was lacking. Its because his father wasn't with them that day.

The pair ended up going back to the cabin after an hour or so. It was a lot earlier than she was expecting. The only thing the young girl can remember was how her mother was quiet all the time as if deep in thought.

Hours pass by, the day is almost done and It was almost nightfall. what happened after the trip with her mother was the usual, she had conversations with her parents, she questioned his father about this morning but he had the same unsatisfying answer. They had quiet dinner that evening.

It was subtle, you could probably brush it off as nothing but she was convinced that there's something wrong. They were talking to her normally but when it comes to each other, well they barely had to converse to each other but when they do talk, it felt lacking. Like they were only having the bare minimum, it didn't have the same flare compared what to their usual banters had. sure it might just be the young girls imagination. but still she could not stop feeling uneasy.

She wanted to break the tension somehow. She couldn't progress with his father so she went to her mother.

She found her mother hunched over a bit in her chair after doing the dishes. her bangs are covering her eyes and her left hand covered her forehead. The little girl approached her.

"Mama, can I talk to you for a moment?"

But the taller ebony haired girl didn't react as quickly as she used to.

"Rumi?, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. Could you repeat that?"

The older girl answered a bit groggy

Upon closer inspection the little girl noticed that her mother's face was flushed. She the recalled her mother's previous appearance and understood what was going on. She reached out and touched near her neck to confirm her suspicions.

"Wait, Rumi" Yukinoshita yelped in surprise.

"Papa. Mama's sick please come help." I yelled to catch father's attention

The moment he heard her, he came rushing to the site.

After a few explanations, by Yukinoshita about the exaggerated claim, Hikagaya escorted Yukinoshita to her bed to look after her. Rumi wanted to be useful but was dismissed early after Yukinoshita confirmed that she will be fine and urged the young girl to rest for tonight too.

After everything is done and Rumi had nothing to do anymore, she then retreated back to her room. the long day was about to be over.

He visited Rumi in her room to check up on her. he saw her sitting at the edge of her bed. She noticed his presence.

"Papa?", said Rumi

Just checking up on you. See how you're doing" he replied to make his intentions clear.

"Come in then" the young girl urged him.

He entered and sat right next to her.

"How is she? will mama be alright?" she asked immediately.

She's in bed now. Her temperature was only slightly above the normal, It could have been caused by the heat today or that she overexerted herself again. Still, it was good you noticed it early before it got worse"

Rumi let out a sigh in relief. True, overreacted earlier but it is better safe than sorry.

"Her fever is almost gone last I check, she should have a full recovery by tomorrow after she sleeps tonight" he continued

"That's good to hear then.", she proclaimed

If you'll excuse me then" he then stood up to leave.

"Wait" Rumi immediately blurted out.

Is there something you wish to talk to me about" he asked

Not really, well there is one actually" she replied back but was hesitant to talk about the topic.

Rumi wanted to ask about his parents. she wanted to ask why his father was suddenly aloof towards her mother. But the young girl wasn't sure on how to go about it again. She didn't want to waste this chance and end up not achieving anything. So she thought of a roundabout way to ask it.

"Papa…"

He sat back down and then looked back at her.

"Do you ever have days when everything feels... wrong. and sometimes you don't know why, yet you just know you do."

He was a puzzled by what the young girl asked. He was sure she was going to ask about something else. He had no choice but to think then about what she was asking right now.

He nodded his head as a reply. "Yes, definitely have those days."

Really?" the young girl looked up, a bit surprised "you always looked like you're on top of things, that you can easily brush off any negative thoughts and move on."

He paused a little to compose his thoughts.

Well, listen there are two things you need to know. The first thing is that everyone has days when they feel not okay at all. people who have everything they could want or people who are content in life, even people who smile most of the time can still feel down. Some are just better at hiding it than others.

And the second thing you need to know is that it's alright to not feel okay at all. In fact all you need to do on those days when you don't feel alright is come and find me and tell me. Don't ever feel like you have to hide the fact that you're not feeling well.

Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there"

The little girl couldn't help but smile.

"Then will you also talk to mama, i think she had been hiding something... and I feel like you've been hiding something from her too."

"Papa, will you be there for mama too. I think she needs you even if she won't admit it."

After saying that I then looked at him straight in the eyes. I was afraid he wouldn't take me seriously that I didn't make the right choice to convey what I want.

I clenched the edge of his shirt and asked. "Papa, please look after mama, at least stay stay by her side tonight".

He looked at me in a surprised expression. Perhaps I overdid it.

He was slightly taken aback after everything I just said but immediately composed himself.

"Rumi, lets give her space for tonight to give her time to recover, she should asleep right now and I don't think I should stress her by waking her up to talk to her."

"But... I understand" the conversation left no room for argument so she couldn't help but look down

He then held my shoulder to catch my attention.

"Don't worry too much about it. I'll check up on her from time to time just to make sure she's alright.

I'll try to talk her tomorrow once she's fully recovered, okay" he remarked to lift up the young girls spirit.

the little girl nodded, a light smile is traced on her face.

"Now go to sleep or your mother will reprimand you for sleeping in again." he followed up.

"Okay", he tucked her in and said their good nights,

Rumi closed her eyes hoping tomorrow will be better for all of them.

* * *

After closing the door to Rumi's room I headed to Yukinoshita's to check up on her again.

I thought that I might not need to address this with her. That we can go by as we are right now from now on. But deep down I knew that I have to make things clear because nothing ever goes my way.

I brace myself for the confrontation.

I opened the door and found her resting in bed. I walked and sat on a chair near the bed just to confirm she was fine. My emotions were mixed, I felt a bit disappointed now that all the preparation was all for nothing but deep inside there's a part of me thats relieved, that I didn't have to confront the issue today. Now that the talk is postponed, maybe we never have to address it at all.

As I move to stand up I steal one last glance at Yukinoshita. She lay straight facing forward. Her white almost pale skin blends with the clean sheet around her. She had a look of calmness on her face. Usually she seems so strong and confident yet right now she looked so delicate. Her face emanated such serene expression…

I closed my eyes and reflected on my recent thoughts. I was lost in thought about her again and about certain topics not concerned about her health. Thankfully I'm more self aware now.

Calm down. Stop thinking about it. Don't think about unnecessary things. I recite in my head like a prayer to keep my mind in check

I turned back and walked towards the door unconsciously making light steps to not disturb her slumber.

"Hikigaya-kun?"

There came a whisper from behind me so quiet that I barely heard it. I paused. I was surprised to hear her voice. I thought she was already at deep sleep given the slow pace of her breathing. I was careful not to make a sound so I couldn't have woken her up.

"Hikigaya-kun?"

That confirms that I didn't imagine it. I turned around and walked back.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel a lot better than before"

I held my hand up to her forehead to make sure. As my hand touch her forehead I confirmed that indeed her fever is gone by now. I felt relieved that she's finally recovered. Although there is a slight red on her chee… oh no

I retracted my hand as fast as I could apologize

"I'm sorry. I should have asked for permission first."

"No, It's fine. I understand that you only needed to check my temperature. I didn't mind it"

Careless… careless yet again. Why do I keep making mistakes like this when it comes to her? I understand my intention is only to know her temperature and yet I get very bothered by something so simple. I'm reminded again why I needed to distance myself from her as much as possible.

…

…

Yukinoshita spoke to break the tension

"Thank you for taking care of me"

…

…

"You're welcome" I replied after a short while not knowing what to say more.

"If you need anything else. I'll be outside" I remarked to escape this awkward moment

I stood up and headed back. I walked with the same pace as I did earlier and headed towards the door.

"Wait", as I held the doorknob I heard her voice once again

"Can I have a moment of your time?"

I looked back to her and noticed the unease in her voice as she said that. I walked back to my chair again and sat. I studied her expression. Her eyes now cast downward showing uncertainty.

"Yes?" I asked

…

Her lips move slightly yet no reply came. She felt hesitant to say something.

…

"If you're still feeling unwell, please do not hesitate to say so. Trying to be embarrassed about it will only make it worse for all of us." I talked further to ease the tension.

"No it's not that. I'm fine now really. It's just that I was thinking… I wanted to ask... that is if…"

I've almost never seen her uncertain. She's bothered by something yet she couldn't downright say what she wants.

She then looked back at me and immediately understood that I noticed her troubled demeanor. To compose herself, she held a deep breath to calm down, looked at me eye to eye and asked,

"Hikigaya-kun. Why are you avoiding me?"

And with a simple question our role was reversed; now I'm the one troubled. I felt the gravity of the question and what it implies. I was under the impression that she did not mind my behavior much this past few but now I know it bothered her as much as it bothered me.

"I… What do you mean?" I hastily replied to cover my unease.

"You've declined my invitation this early morning. You go out of sight every time I enter the vicinity. You can talk pleasantries with Rumi but with me you only converse briefly with the sense that you do it only with strict urgency." Yukinoshita explained pouring out all the stress she had built up.

I looked away as she finished explaining.

"Those don't mean anything. You've been worrying yourself over nothing. None of those are…" I held my tongue and didn't finish saying none of what she said is true. I couldn't lie despite my intentions.

She simply stared at me with eyes unfazed by that poor reply. She knows that I fully understand what she meant. She remained composed; still waiting to hear a proper answer.

…

But not another word came out of my mouth. Even at this moment I'm still hesitant. I cannot answer her. How can I even properly communicate it to her? Do I even need to explain myself to her?

…

She closed her eyes upon seeing my reluctance.

"If you can't answer me properly perhaps it would be best if we talk about this another time" She replied with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Seeing her depressed figure gave me reason to answer. I've had this conflict inside of me for far too long. It felt unsettling to think that we might lose all the progress we've made.

I need to talk now or I might end up losing something far more precious even though I may not fully understand what that is.

"Lately because of the situation we got into, I have gotten closer with you." I finally replied back

"You know I'm happy with what I have right now. Yes, despite all the hardships I needed to endure I am happy with the relationships I've built. It should have been more than enough for someone like me"

So I was afraid... afraid that if things go the way they are right now then eventually I'll do something that's unlike me. That I'll risk losing what I have because I couldn't be content."

Because of that I tried distancing myself from you. But that ended up doing more harm than good.

I'm sorry."

I look down, preparing to say my final point

"If it is fine with you, can we remain as we are right now... as friends."

I lowered my gaze and felt my heart sink the moment those words escape from my mouth.

But it had to be done. Hopefully with this declaration I can avoid having those thoughts about her again. That I'll never have to look back and be tempted to act like the naive Hikigaya Hachiman I once was.

I stared back at her waiting for a reply. I couldn't read what expression she was conveying after everything i said. I grew weary by the minute due to the silence that permeated.

"Ne, Hikigaya-kun", she said breaking the silence

Yes?, i followed with a reply

"Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded

"Did you ever have a dream?" she asked. "Something you wanted so badly and just when you think you're about to reach out and grab it, it disappears?"

"I had a lot when I was younger, trying to reach one every time only to be disappointed time and time again." I answered, my voice guarded.

"Eventually I got tired and stopped trying

Everyone has dreams that don't come true and I'm no different in that regard"

Her shoulders slumped. "Yeah," she said, "I guess you're right."

"I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me," I said.

"You see I never had to dream on my own. There was already one made for me.

All I had to do was do everything I was told to and I'll eventually have it. Then everything that came after became trivial. After all, the road ahead was already paved. I only needed to walk forward. Everyday became the same with nothing new to look forward to"

She paused and took a breath before continuing

"That is until a certain boy stood in front of that road. Since then my life almost turned upside down. And just when I thought that it couldn't get any crazier. He brought a child right at my doorstep." she paused and smiled slightly.

"I've experienced things I never expected to happen. I mean for someone like me to stand in as a guardian... no as a mother."

I've had countless headaches and pain all thanks to that boy but even after everything I had to endure I couldn't bring myself to hate him. In fact I can't help but smile despite it all.

I could have ignored him, I could have closed the door and none of this would have ever happened to me but I didn't and because of that I felt something I've never felt before. Something I believe to be... genuine

At first I thought it was simply gratitude I've felt towards him but over time I became aware of what it truly is. After all he was always on my mind. Im happy every time we banter, im sad whenever I see him get hurt, I get lonely whenever he is not around."

Stop it, stop it, in my mind I was begging her to stop talking. This is breaking my resolve. My mind is in more disarray as it's ever been. All the talk I did earlier was almost nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now. It's taking every will in my mind to hold off the urge to confess to her, to embrace her and never let go.

"I'm sorry, Hikigaya-kun

I said it before and now I'll say it again. I don't think we can just be friends so..."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her hands clasped together and started trembling just visibly from where I stand.

She then opened her eyes and what greeted me was the most sincere look I've ever seen of her.

"Please go out with me. I want to stand beside you. I want to hold hands with you. I want to be there for you... always, from now on"

She confessed in reminiscence of the boy who once asked for something genuine. In that moment the invisible wall he have put up between them has all but shattered.

He moved towards her and embraced her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She was slightly taken aback to what happened but quickly returned the hug by wrapping her arms to his back. She closed her eyes and leaned further into him, dropping her head into his shoulder and feeling the last of her worries wither away. Thus they realized what they needed all along.

In essence, language accounts for a mere 30% of human communication. The other 70% is made up of information collected from eye movements and other body language. Right now they don't even need any words to communicate with each other.

When at last she lifted her head their eyes was once again inches apart from each other. Her blush became more pronounced. They then felt each other slightly trembling becoming self aware of their proximity. But remained locked in the embrace as they recall staring at the same eyes back then at the infirmary. Though this time I'm afraid it won't end the same way as before.

Their instinct then took control and let the moment progress to what it would naturally lead to. They both slowly lean forward until their lips finally touch.

 _Chu_

We parted our lips quickly as it came in contact as if a jolt of electricity coursed through them. Thus breaking the embrace and leaving both the embarrassed teenagers to contemplate on what just occurred.

Our faces are now clearly flushed. We kept looking at any direction except from the eyes of each other trying not to let the other acknowledge the embarrassment they're feeling right now.

Yukino raised her hand and placed her finger to her lips trying to trace the sensation she had experience.

"so... this is... a kiss..." the long haired girl remarked, the pauses made it sound more like a question rather than a statement.

A kiss... an actual ki...no... Would that be even considered a kiss? our lips barely touched and lasted no more than a second before our heads moved away. It was more like a peck of a bird than a kiss.

"that... counts as a kiss?" i remark in a questioning tone voicing my inner thoughts.

"A-Are you disappointed with your first kiss, Hikigaya-kun?", she asked with a worried tone

"No, no I didn't mean it like that, I'm not disappointed in fact I think I even used up all the luck in my lifetime to have this happen to me. It's just that I thought kisses are suppose to last longer... based from what I know" I hastily replied to correct what I meant.

"I see, for a moment there I was worried that you disliked it because of me. That it was my fault for not making you feel satis...

I mean, you do also have yourself to blame for lacking the skills for kissing properly, she quickly changed her tone to mask her insecurities.

"what? I'm not the one who jolted back after our lips slightly touch." I retorted

"And you're surprised? It was a natural reaction to having their first time taken by someone like you"

"Don't say it in a way that can be misunderstood. It was just our first kiss (not a great one) but at least not the one where I could get arrested if someone else hears you"

"So your mind would instantly interpret it like that then hikipervert-kun. I feel like I made a big mistake confessing to you earlier"

"A mistake..." he said in somber tone then looked down. "maybe you're right... maybe it is"

"Eh?" she was taken aback suddenly with regret" wait I... I'm sorry... I didn't really mean what I just said." the sharp tone instantly vanished and was replaced by the sincere one she had during the confession.

"I really do want us to be... together" she whispered

"So It's true, I wasn't dreaming earlier... underneath all the ice the cute and honest Yukino does exist."

The girl looked into his face only to find an amused smile painted on a sly face. In that instance she knew that she fell for his trap. Regret quickly filled her mind

But the battle is not yet over. Before she could react in an annoyed expression she quickly covered her face with her hands and began the counterattack.

"How cruel." she said continuing with the sincere tone of voice "Here I am pouring my heart out to the boy I love and in return my emotions gets to be toyed with for amusement.", she continued with her voice slightly trembling

The smirk was now gone from his expression.

She then moved her hands down to reveal moist blue eyes and a pained expression.

 _"Do I mean so little to you... hachi..."_

He took a direct hit, his heart shattered then melted at the sight. In that moment that felt like an eternity, he feels like he's the lowest of the low, a scum of the earth and someone who didn't deserve to be loved.

He bowed his head along with his upper body at an almost ninety degree angle asking for forgiveness.

"Im sorry" he voiced loudly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you... I never did or ever will. You mean so much to me, you're not just anybody to me. You are, and what we have right now is everything to me."

He didn't dare lift his head. his mind is in a disarray lamenting the fact that he tried to be facetious.

"I do like you.. I love you too" he murmured letting his heart speak.

She then spoke.

"Hmmm... the monster of logic letting his emotions run amok. Truly a rare sight to behold" she said in her usual tone of voice.

He then looked up and found no trace of her previous sad state and was replaced with her usual demeanor. Though still had a slight blush caused by what he professed.

"Well now that we said everything that needs to be said. I guess we're even." she followed up not wanting the situation to remain awkward.

It is obvious to both of us why we keep teasing one another. We are putting up an air of confidence in order to maintain a level headed appearance to try to hide our embarrassment. We both clearly in fact have no experience in this matter and are trying to compensate.

Still that back and forth banter helped us regain our composure plus it helped us be more comfortable given the situation. Although she really shouldn't have taken it that far. I don't think I can take another hit like that again.

"all this, stemming from one botched kiss... sigh", he said unable to express a more formal response

"Ehem... Then we just have to do it properly this time", she declared to end the bickering

She moved her hand to take hold of my own hand. She slightly raised it to let our fingers intertwine

We lean towards each other to continue. Once our faces are only inches apart, a slight hesitation sets in causing us to pause our action for a short moment. We then closed our eyes and let our lips touch once again.

The voice of reason in my head was drowned by the quick tempo beating in my chest. Events were happening so fast that we could barely keep up.

Lost in this moment was the ice queen and monster of logic. What's left is just a boy and a girl braving the unknown.

She closed her eyes and lay down in bed while our hands kept on hold without breaking, making me position myself on top. I moved my right hand on top of the bed beside her face to support my weight on top of her.

She slowly opened her eyes and with it deep blue orbs focus onto me.

Her mouth slightly opens. i heard a faint word escape, barely audible if not for me being so close her.

"Hachi..." she whispered in an endearing tone.

her free hand moved towards my face while our gaze continue to lock on one another. her finger made contact and slowly caressed my cheek

"Hachi..." she whispered once again in the same soft voice.

I couldn't resist. I lean forward until our lips connect.

Her hand moved from my cheek to the back of my head to further deepen the kiss while our other hand held more tightly as we continued the act.

I've lost count on how many times we repeated it. Every kiss lasted longer than each before that we gasp for air now after every contact before doing it once again with increasing passion.

The intimacy is intoxicating. I could smell the floral scent of her shampoo, the warmth permeating from her, the soft sensation of her skin.

I rise a bit higher from the last kiss gasping for air. The last vestige of my thought I've been ignoring manage to slip through the emotions that dominated me that night.

"I... I should go back now, before I ended up staying here for the night" I spoke, conveying a message she can understand.

"It's alright, I... I won't mind if you stay by my side tonight" she replied almost immediately.

"Are you sure, we might experience... another first if things go on as it is now"

"Then... let's see how far can it go." she said teasingly

She moved her hand to my chest and started unbuttoning, I reciprocated and moved my hand to her waist to lift her shirt...

"Mama, Papa, have you two made up" a sudden voice came from the door.

"Aahh!" we both yelped in unison

Surprised by the sudden voice we break contact. I immediately moved to her side almost jumping away. We looked at the place where the voice came from and found Rumi holding the doorknob with the door slightly opened.

"Are you two alright?" The young girl came closer to inspect. "Are you still sick mama? your face is red all over"

"Eh! No I'm fine this is nothing" Yukino looked away embarrassed.

"Hmmm, are you truly ok, you too papa, you both looked... messy. Did you both have a fight?"

"No, we didn't fight. We just had a discussion, right Yukino?" I said to convince the young girl.

"Yes, that's right"

We faced each other and saw the other still a bit flushed. We looked away the moment our eyes met. Now that clarity has returned to us. We couldn't to look at each other knowing what happened or what might have happened. Thoughts about the event kept circling in my mind. If Rumi didn't come we could have gone all the way and I'm more scared to think if I'm disappointed or not that it didn't happen

"Why are you here Rumi-chan, I thought you were about to sleep when I left you earlier" I asked to divert the topic.

"I was, but I was still worried about mama you so I thought to check up on her one last time tonight" she answered

"I was surprised to see that you're still here too Papa, Although why are you in bed with Mama?" she quickly reversed our position and I'm in the spotlight once again.

I looked at Yukino for help but I can see that she is too embarrassed to provide support for this one.

"Well, I thought that instead of checking her from time to time I might as well stay here for the night… With your mother's permission of course." I explained with a reason that's at least not as embarrassing to proclaim compared to the actual reason.

"That's a good idea, can I stay here for tonight too?", Rumi requested

"Sure" We replied. We moved to have more space between us so Rumi can fit in. Then we settled down.

From the window I can see the night is deep now. A could see a few stars from afar over here, the same stars Yukino and I both shared a moment with to gaze a night ago. Silence returned lulling us to let rest come to us at last.

"Have you both truly made up", the young girl asked once again.

"Yes, Rumi we've truly made up this time" Yukino answered then looked at me. Both of us understood that we've gained a lot more that what we thought we could ever have tonight. "We made our relationship clear. You don't need to worry about us again" she continued almost in whisper.

"That's great to hear" The young girl smiled then finally closed her eyes, happy to know that everything's all right now

I closed my eyes and my mind is now at ease.


End file.
